Feeling worthless

[CandyFlossssss]

Any advice on how to stop feeling worthless as a single mum and that no man would ever be interested in me? Realistically I know some single mums do meet new partners but I feel that will never happen for me now.

It was probably for the best, looking back was he good for you. You're not worthless, you have been ground down, do you have friends wnd any social life. How old are the dc, what do you enjoy doing with them.

That still doesn’t make him or your family right though.

Was it recent? Because we have all (mostly) felt like that after a relationship has ended in the initial grieving stage.

I hope that feeling leaves you soon, and you realise what you have to offer.

Given that he said nobody would want you he’s a very unkind and probably abusive man (sounds like an emotional abuse script to me) so I’d say you deserve much more and he’s an absolute arse and you’re so much better off without him.

No it wasn’t recent but the words have never left and he was kind of right as I use to get lots of attention from men before children now I may as well be invisible

It's easy to feel like that when you've devoted all your time and energy into bringing upchildren, how old are they now, you need some me time.

my exh was verbally very unkind when he was thrown out by me. (He thought I would want him to stay having been unfaithful for two years!!)

Anyway, a while after him leaving, I asked him why he had been nasty to me, he replied to hurt you !!. This is how some men think they can get to you. As for your family, they sound delightful.(NOT)

Moving forward, your self esteem sounds at rock bottom. You need to start loving yourself. Do things for you, I know money is tight for many, if you can afford to, buy yourself a small bunch of flowers, a chocolate treat then move onto bigger things. Get your hair re-jigged as a model at the local hairdressers, paint your nails.

As time goes on you will gain more confidence, this is something men like in a woman. Make tomorrow the day you start making yourself a priority, onwards and upwards.

You feel your partner was right saying this. He was not right, you are bringing up three children and running a home, being a mum is not easy at any stage of childhood.

Thanks for the nice comments. My children are 13 12 and 9

Of course you can meet someone, you just need to make an effort to get out there, I’m sure you know many single mums meet men

the issue is you feel worthless because of it. Like you’re not worth anything if you’re not worth something to men. Men can’t be the be all and end all. Don’t you think your kids think you’re worth something? Friends, family, colleague?

No I mean I feel worthless that a man won’t want me now because I’m a single mum. I have heard single mums being called low value online

You'll mostly attract users, losers and arseholes, unless you work on your self-esteem and come from a place of strength and self-love.

The voices of your ex and toxic family need smothering. You deserve love and respect and joy.

Don't tolerate any bullshit.

If you believe that, don't start dating.

No, I’m a lone mum and get asked out a lot and have had two post divorce boyfriends who I met irl. Go and meet your friends out and about and see if they’ve got any nice friends. It’s not as you think.

I have a single mum friend who is extremely beautiful, confident, great carer, only one child yet even she hasn’t been able to meet a man that will take her serious. She meets short term flings but nothing long term like she wants.

Where on earth are you looking on line?

I’ve seen it on various websites

Yes. If you go searching for it you’ll find comments like that, mostly in the toxic ‘Manosphere’ and that’s a pool you won’t want to be looking in.

There’s people out there who won’t want to date a single mum, but there’s plenty who will too (and I’m saying that as a single dad).

Before you put yourself out there though, please work on your confidence.

OP given half of marriages end in divorce now, many women are single mums or separated co-parents as are many men. It’s nothing to be ashamed of but just a fact of life.
my mum was a single mum in the 80s and even then, when there was more of a stigma, had nice boyfriends a couple of whom wanted to marry her (she didn’t).
I do think you neee to work on your self esteem OP. Counselling could help there perhaps? Otherwise I recommend the gym and self care if you can manage it.

My mum was also a single mum and she never met anyone again, she did meet partners but no one serious. So when she told me no one would be interested she was speaking from her experience.

Times have changed now OP there will be plenty of separated dads who will want to date a single mum so don’t let that put you off.

If you keep reading mums net it will put you off men for life anyway...i got kittens..way better than a man

^ this.

As a separated dad who co-parents, I think I personally would prefer to date a single mum.
Chances are we’d have been through similar stuff and navigate a future together easier,

Work on yourself OP and then head to where the good men are.

Plenty of single mums find new partners.

But your best forward is to stop placing your worth in whether some bloke wants to be with you or not.

Seek happiness, self-worth and contentment in who you are and what you do in life.

A bloke should be a bonus and add to your life, not be the centre of it nor the source of validation and worth.

First of all, your worth is not based on whether or not you're with a man. You need to work on your self-esteem before you even think about men.

Secondly, yes, child free men might not be the most interested in dating single mothers, but there are many single fathers out there, you know. Many of whom are looking for a relationship, just like you.

Dating is just tough all around. There are child free women who also struggle with finding someone, so it's not just you. But you need to create a full life for yourself and see men as an added bonus. Not the definition of "full life".

I think you need to detentre men entirely tbh, viewing yourself as a worthless single mum isn’t a good frame of mind to be entering dating from. There’s so many vultures out there.

The question really is are there many men out there who meet our own standards- and I would argue that there isn’t.

I think the most important thing is seeing and knowing your value and self worth - once you truly believe that you’ll be able to filter out shit guys by not allowing yourself to be treated like shit. Know your value

and as for meeting people / do you have hobbies, clubs, interests etc that you can do without the children? Do you have support from family etc to help with kids . I’d say that’s a much better place to start than dating apps