Is it normal for a separated husband to expect this arrangement?

[Adviceseeker35]

My husband left me in February this year saying i made his life a misery, and he needed time to decide what he wanted next, but that he might take me back.

Then three weeks ago I found out he's being having an affair since April last year.

This is where I think he doesn't live on the same planet as the rest of us. He expects us to live together like this for years while he sees his girlfriend very openly including holidays and hotel stays. He's still lying about going to work to see her travelling hundreds of miles in a day.

He seems to think this is all normal and acceptable as we're separated and I drove him to have an affair. Is he mad thinking this is a normal way to live or am I naive and this is normal?

Divorce solicitor asap. What a pig he is! Take him to the cleaners.

Codswallop. Kick him to the curb and far beyond.

Also this is abuse btw. Just to be clear.

Why haven't you filed yet?

Please tell me you aren't doing housework etc for him?

Is this acceptable to you?
You need to separate physically too. What are your circumstances regarding home and children?

It’s called having your cake and eating it

Just because he demands something it doesn't mean you have to agree. You need boundaries. 'You have exited the marriage and therefore we are getting divorced, assets need to be separated and we need to move on with our lives seperately'.

Time to see a solicitor and get divorce proceedings under way. Hes an arse whole.

So he left the relationship but not the marital home and has been seeing someone else since April last year but that’s your fault so it’s ok for him to continue because he might change his mind and “have you back”

Seriously, pack up his shit,
dump it on the drive for him when he gets back from OW’s and put the latch on the doors so he can’t get in

…. This situation is completely unacceptable

So he’s still living in the same house as you?
have you filed for divorce?
who is paying all the bills etc?

Absolutely not acceptable. He can bog right off, get divorce underway asap and get rid.

He left you in February and then moved back in?

Or do you mean left as in left the marriage but stayed living in the house?

File for divorce. What a Wankbadger

So you are separated but still living in the same house?(presumably due to financial restraints)
Your estranged DH has now started seeing someone else.

I mean its not ideal, but if you're separated it's not unusual OP.

He knows where she lives so he can go there and get on with his life.I don’t know about your finances but take photos of every document you can find and put half of every penny in an account that only you can access. Do it before you get a solicitor as that may infuriate him enough to clear everything out.If you have children you need either come to an agreement between yourselves for maintenance or contact the child maintenance service
There will be many posters with more advice but he can’t living your house whilst seeing another woman.

"My husband left me in February this year saying i made his life a misery, and he needed time to decide what he wanted next, but that he might take me back."

1 As he left then it's really up to you to take him back - or not.

2 Cake and eat it spring to mind.

What's sauce for the goose... tell him you feel free to take on another man.

You're still living together yes? His behaviour is gross and not normal. You made his life such a misery he was forced to fall into someone else's fanny? For 10 months? And then he left you but didn't LEAVE you alone as he should have.

If he thinks he was miserable before, wait until all his friends and family know he cheated on you.

No one is driven to adultery. He is an adult who made the decision. He chose to cheat. It is very easy an an adult human being in a monogamous marriage or relationship to avoid snogging or shagging anyone other than your partner. You didn't force him. It's on him.

I've spoken to a solicitor but the costs they quoted were way more than I could afford. It would have been all my savings plus more

https://www.gov.uk/divorce

Of course that’s what he wants.

he gets to keep being married and not have the stress of being divorced while still fucking the other woman.

it’s not such a good deal from your view - unless you say to him what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander and you’ll be fucking other people too,

It’s not a nice situation at all. Unfortunately you can’t really stop him, assuming it is his home too you can’t force him to leave and can’t control what he does but if I was you I’d be starting divorce proceedings now so that things can all be settled- whatever that looks like.