To wonder if a year is long enough for a divorce with a difficult ex

[Inthezone5578]

Partner and I wish to marry next summer but legally he's still married. Despite her saying she wants the divoyasap nothing has ever moved. When he tries to discuss it she refuses. Any ideas?

This

The poster above said there were no finance. So presumably simple. It’s Just language.

Has he tried to divorce her before meeting you? IME be wary of anyone who doesn't move on a divorce until they have an alternative.

This is the thing, he’s had years to sort out this divorce.

After no-fault. My ex refused to acknowledge receipt so it had to go before a judge for deemed service, and it takes ages to get a court date.

You say ‘save for his pensions’ - she will be fighting for at least 50% of those, believe me.

Not a chance this will be done within a year.

So… where actually are they in the divorce? It’s a legal process. Telling us what stage it’s at can help us answer the question. Has he actually legally started the process by filing for divorce and serving her papers?

Run OP, at least until he has a financial order finalised as well as a divorce. He needs to get it done. It's not up to her to say no solicitors. It will cost him 20k at least, unless he represents himself. I'm 2 years into this, well my partner is, and looking like another year yet. It is an absolute nightmare. They have been separated 12 years and it makes no difference to the claim.
Oh and don't buy a house with him, or she'll be after that too, no matter if she's had all the assets already.

I find it utterly bizarre that op and her dp thought it appropriate to get engaged while he is MARRIED!

No chance in a year if he's only just started the process and she's disagreeing on financials. Took me 4 years. So kind of depends on where he is in the process. I certainly wouldn't be booking a wedding next year in your position though, if ever.

I thought I’d have to serve my ex but they said they could send servers to the house to hand them over for a few hundred ££? Or did he hide from them or something?

If they both agree then it is possible to jointly use a drafting service like

https://amicable.io/

we used them and they were good. If there is not agreement (and your description makes it sound like there will not be) then hostile is longer and more expensive

This is very sage advice OP! I was in a similar situation - absolutely no way that divorce and financial order will be done in 12 months unless they have already agreed everything between them and are both pushing to get things finalised as fast as possible.

in the case of me and my now DH it took four years. We got married before his financial settlement was agreed (because it can now be done later than the divorce itself), and that was a nightmare when we wanted to buy a house (he couldn’t be named on mortgage or deeds which massively reduced our borrowing capacity), and I had to pay second home stamp duty because he was still on mortgage with his ex wife even though I’d never set foot in their house etc. Total nightmare - don’t even think about getting married until he has a clean break order!!!

He sounds rather passive about it. It's practically impossible to divorce without some solicitor involvement. Even if both parties agree on everything, you still need to get a consent order drafted, and then get the court to sign it off.

Friend of mines divorce took over 5 years to finalise. It was his ex ended their marriage , and it was her who applied for divorce. But then she played games and dragged her heels at every step. The petitioner has slightly more control over the process/timeline than the respondent, so it's always worth being the one to file.

He is a lawyer, he found a way to make it difficult.

How bloody frustrating.

Sorry but Pensions can be worth more than everything else put together. My Ex and I had a very nice house but the pensions were worth a little more.
Do they both have solicitors? Have they tried mediation?
If their financial settlement seems unfair to the judge, choose to throw it out, and make them renegotiate.
Of course you could divorce without a financial settlement, which would be quicker but is extremely risky as either side can go back at anytime to redistribute the finances including post divorce inheritance.

Ex and I both wanted the divorce but it took 3 years.
while we both wanted the divorce there was a lot of back and forth regarding child contact and finances

He just wants it done. As does she.

I beg to differ. It is entirely possible to get divorced. Over 100,000 divorces are granted every year in the UK.

Has he started divorce proceedings? Why not, if he would like to be divorced?

He is spinning you a line.

Just out of interest, how long have you been together?

Something not right here OP. If they both want it done its very straightforward.

The divorce itself, have they started tge process? Have you looked up the stages?

Its the finances that drag things out, even if they agree, they will still need a condent order agreed by the court. The court may not agree if it is unfairly weighted towards one party.

Well I think he must be mad, he isn’t even out of one and getting into another marriage. I would be very careful getting financially tangled up with him.