To wonder if a year is long enough for a divorce with a difficult ex

[Inthezone5578]

Partner and I wish to marry next summer but legally he's still married. Despite her saying she wants the divoyasap nothing has ever moved. When he tries to discuss it she refuses. Any ideas?

It took my cousin about 4 years, the issue was the financial order.

So this man has made absolutely no serious attempt to divorce his wife, despite telling you he wants to marry you?

How long have they been separated?

Zero chance. My partner’s is still going on after about 7 years. Her ex is a dick and making sure it costs them both as much money and hassle as possible. Their solicitors are getting rich despite the pair of them being skint. Idiocy.

Also I have a life so don't spend my whole timer here. And yes there's finances to be agreed but he will give her everything save from r his pensions. She's well catered for.

You don’t need to spend your whole time, just a few minutes would’ve been helpful.

This makes no sense.

If "legal input" is needed then solicitors will be required. Surely she can see that and should agree if she really does want it sorted.? IMO she's just stalling to be bloody minded.🙄

And who cares anyway if she doesn’t want solicitors involved?

My ex didn’t either but that didn’t stop me.

The divorce is only one part and the easy bit. The potentially harder part is the financial settlement m. Do not marry until this is in place !

This exactly how it works, assuming the court are sure the application has been received (so the person knows they have been divorced)

what may well be problematic and take longer is the financial settlement.

OP he can register a divorce application online, £600. It’s checked, sent to his spouse and 16 weeks later you can get the divorce.

its not difficult and you don’t need a solicitor

Are the finances a problem?

She doesn’t have to use solicitors if she doesn’t want to.

if the problem is the financial settlement, ultimately OPs partner will have to take her to court to get a judge to decide the split. She still doesn’t need a solicitor.

OP this will take quite a while as court dates are hardly easily available. You could wait the best part of a year for that. If he hasn’t already got the ball rolling seems unlikely a year is long enough

She doesn’t have to agree a settlement that short changes her because it’s convenient for you. She now knows you really want to get this done so would be foolish not to push for every penny she can get.

They've been apart years but she hates that he met me. Kids are adults and calm with me and him. She's vindictive and controlling. He will give her every. She never worked and he's successful. He's said have the house, the savings and all you have squirred away. I don't care. Legally let's agree. You don't touch my pensions. Verbally she has. I can't see any reasonable person contradicting that. It's a big house but now she's saying she can't afford the bills and upkeep. He said well sell it and keep the money. Downsize.

Was this before no fault divorce though? It’s a simple process now, especially if no financial order is needed

Yeah right.

his pensions are on the table too. She gets half. Maybe she’ll take that as more house, but they’re never left alone.

If this is the case you can bank on her being difficult. He will probably need a solicitor if it's not amicable.

@Backedoffhackedoff It was OP who said that "legal input was required", but you're saying that it isn't.

This is confusing.

I would put aside about 5 years of your life based on my experience!

Mine took 3. My friends took TEN!!

What do you mean? OP doesn’t have a clue what’s going on.

there is no such thing as “she needs legal input” - OPs partner has to get her into court to get a judge to agree an order. The ex doesn’t “need” to do anything, she can’t sit back and wait until that day if she wants

you can’t force someone to engage a solicitor

The divorce can be done online and takes about 9 months. However, the financial order is tricky and long winded and if they don’t want to go through a solicitor they’ll have to go via mediation. I absolutely wouldn’t book the register office until it’s done as it can be long winded

This.

A financial order is always needed even if there’s nothing to share. Otherwise, a claim could be made if one or the other wins the lottery, cokes into some inheritance. It’s the biggest mistake couples make when divorcing, not getting a financial order in place

I’m personally suspicious of any story containing a reasonable generous man who is giving everything away and providing for his ex, whilst she is a crazy vindictive lazy and irrational woman. I’ve just never come across it in real life. I have come across a lot of men and their new partners who tell everyone that’s what happened though and I’d be suss op that you’re having the wool pulled over your eyes

either way It sounds like he’s saying he wants a divorce and she’s saying she wants a divorce and neither of them are getting solicitors or going to court or doing anything about it. and if she’s so difficult then no, a year isn’t enough.

Mine took longer than a year, I had to get an affidavit as he wouldn’t acknowledge receipt of the divorce papers which extended the process. Think it took around 18 months from filing to decree absolute in 2013.

What's causing it, if you don't mind my asking?