I am fairly close to forming an exit plan with my partner after 20 years. I don't so much want advice about how to do that, and only wish to share a small part of the situation (I hope that's ok!), but I would love to hear someone else's thoughts about a few details, specifically his behaviour about us moving into a new place together.
This man is early retired has good savings and pension. He is 10 yrs older than me and I had been looking after my now late dad during illness for about 4 years. I lived off my fairly high savings during that time, and obviously in dad's house where I didnt have to pay towards anything as dad wouldnt let me.
Plan was, after all this and my return to the workplace, partner and I were to live together. This was suggested to go ahead after my dad passed away and i was staying with a cousin's family until the big move. I have not had my own home is a while and was raring to go. However, it's been 2.5 years now and no further forward. I have been getting my head around this and coming to the conclusion the relationship is unstable.
During that time I have asked him to hurry up and decide what we are doing as my savings are depleting fast. He then suggests a time and date to go ahead and it never materialises. I am at his place most of hte time but very unhappy there. He also agrees and insists he wants to move. It has now devolved into a predictable pattern that doesn't bode well with me.
It goes like this:
Me "we are going to have to make firmer plans soon, my money is running down'
Him "i know i know, and yes, we well get onto that"
Me 'you dont often bring it up, are you sure you want to do this?"
Him " of course I do, and i do bring it up all the time"
Er no, he literally never brings it up.
He actually dislikes the area he is in and the house is far from perfect, but I have a suspicion that he is a long term bachelor at heart and is taking the piss at this point.
Convo will often go this way, a few weeks after last chat about moving:
Me "we are no further forward, I am not sure i can take this seriously"
Him "why not? Where do you think you'd like to live?"
Me "Why ask me that? Shouldnt the question be where should WE live?"
Him "yes of course that's what i meant"
Me "i am beginning to feel you are watching me lose money here, Im not feeling great"
Him "i know the situation is urgent so lets get the spare room sorted and packed"
This exact convo repeats every 3 weeks and he has basically, so far, moved a fucking bookshelf and thrown some old magazines away.
Why hold me on like this is no intent to go?
Is this normal hesitation? It is beginning to feel a bit too odd to me.
More details, one child at uni (my late husband passed away when she was 1.5), both rent via choice, i wanted to move to work in a new area, he is a in a now insecure lease, so you'd think he'd be happy to come with me and share bills!