He asked me to be his girlfriend, then said just friends

[Kit87x]

Hi just after some advice. I met a guy a few weeks ago whilst out with my friend at a local pub she goes in and we got chatting and slept together. We’ve been messaging since and got along great so I went back to the pub on Saturday with my friend, who is seeing his friend and we was getting along great and slept together again. During sex he asked me to be his girlfriend which I ignored because we were both drunk. We was fine on Sunday and messaging but I noticed the vibe change and he seemed to go a bit cold towards me. I messaged today asking if he’d like to meet on Saturday for drinks and food or something but he said he already has plans. He’s then messaged this evening saying if he’s being honest he’d still like to be friends but he doesn’t want it to go any further and that I’m great but I deserve someone better. I’m so confused cos we were getting along great.

Nothing to be confused about really, he's told you he's not interested so that's where it ends 🤷. The cynic in me would say he's probably said what he did to get you into bed but who knows...regardless, he doesn't want a relationship so let it go

Believe him. For whatever reason, he's changed his mind and you do deserve someone more consistent than that. Try and detach from trying to understand what changed - it won't make a difference and you'll drive yourself mad.

Don't sleep with him again, back yourself and move on to better things. I'm sorry his behaviour's been so disappointing!

Player got what he wanted.

Sadly, even after all these years, and supposedly more equality there are still guys out there who chase you, get you into bed then decide they’re now done. Either don’t sleep with them until you’ve both decided that there’s something worth going for, or sleep with them and just enjoy it for what it is. Nothing wrong with either approach but might save you some heartache.

Except he said it when the were in bed together, already having sex. So clearly he didn't say it to get her into bed.

He just sounds like a commitment phobe. If you want it to be more than casual, make sure you don't sleep with him again without getting some commitment first.

Thanks everyone. We both understood that we didn’t want any titles like bf gf, just happy to chat and have sex. Feel like him asking me to be his gf fucked it up 🤣

Are you sure its not because you didn't answer him so he thought you wasn't interested so he's trying to save face

I don’t know, he always said he doesn’t want a relationship titles which I was fine with but then he said that on Saturday about being his gf

No! Dont twist it like this and do the ‘he really likes you’ dance. He’s said he’s not interested so it’s done.

I would think if he expressed interest in being more and you ignored it he felt rejected and embarrassed so that's probably why

Put this one back in the sea and move on. Please save yourself hours of wondering and unnecessary stress over men who can’t communicate well. You had a nice time, now it’s time to find a nice man.

That’s what I thought. Depends how drunk you were, but my first thought was that you ignored him when he asked you to be his girlfriend so now he is backing off to save face.
If you really like him and think he’s a good guy that is backing off because he thinks you are backing off, then just have an honest conversation with him.
If not, leave it be.

He is happy to shag you but doesn’t want to go out with you. He will continue to shag you while it’s convenient for him and until he finds a girl he does want to go out with.

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this; it sounds like hes got you. Hes got you CONFUSEDand that is the first stage for these M.F. s. If I was you, I would drop off the face of the Earth but seeing as your friend is dating his friend, that could be difficult. Seems like a lot of guys are just doing mind games at the minute. Just go Radio Silent. Because these types hate Radio Silence. When you get a chance, try to think of something gross to say about him , to your friend. These gross remarks will get back to him and will break his EGO and will make you feel SO MUCH BETTER. When he approaches to ask for a date : DECLINE, DECLINE DECLINE three times. Then cancel last minute if you agree until you feel that his EGO is crushed enough. After all these tactics you will feel Restored to Balance. Good Luck. !!!!

They say anything before they nut.

I can't see anything confusing here. You got on OK and slept together while drunk. He has since been quite clear with you that he doesn't want a relationship. There isn't anything to be confused about.

Getting on well with someone doesn't mean they owe you a relationship, and neither does getting drunk and sleeping with them. Even if he did want a relationship at one point, he's entitled to change his mind and he's been completely clear with you, so I can't really see what it is you don't understand.

in blunt terms he got his leg over so does not want to be tied down if he sees you bet you he will be getting you drunk to get his leg over again. try a different pub

I think people say stupid things during the sex high, alcohol was also a factor. Forget about him.

Or don't act like a complete loon. Up to you really.

im sorry he's done this. But the sane thing to do is just quietly move on. There's no point wasting more time & headspace wondering WTF. Next....

oh & so long as you're enjoying it, have the sex you want to have. But don't if you're going to be hurt if it doesn't go anywhere. But it doesn't sound like that's you anyway.

Surely all you have to say is "oh thank God - I thought that's what we were doing and was surprised you asked me to be your girlfriend and thought it was going to be really awkward now!"

Up to you to decide if you want to stay friends with benefits or not.

Don't do this. Unless you actively want to seem completely fucking mental.

he seemed into you.
got what he wanted.
asked you to be his gf
you declined or put him off or something negative
he now doesn’t want you to be his gf

id suggest he either does but is saving face as he thinks youre not interested.

or

you did something while drunk that put him right off you.

the only way to find out is to speak to him. perhaps along the lines of “i thought you wanted me to be your gf. you asked me while we were drunk. id have been up for that if you asked me when sober but i guess youre not interested after all, oh well your loss”.

if he says he does indeed want to date after all, go on a date. somewhere during the day maybe and dinner. no sex. it’s the only way to see if it’s your company, or a shag that he really wants.

I believe this is what the kids nowadays call “post nut clarity.”

Sooo many ways someone could handle this. Personally, i would just call it quits and carry on. If you happen to be at the same place at the same time, keep your dignity. Enjoy the evening with your mutual friends, but decline if he offers to take you home 😀.. i think i would play around a little. By that i mean being nonchalent/don't give a fck. Laugh and embrace the company of others. Not excluding him entirely, but giving him the 'this is what you could have had if you weren't such a twat' vibe 😉 one day Mr right will come your way 😘