He asked me to be his girlfriend, then said just friends

[Kit87x]

Hi just after some advice. I met a guy a few weeks ago whilst out with my friend at a local pub she goes in and we got chatting and slept together. We’ve been messaging since and got along great so I went back to the pub on Saturday with my friend, who is seeing his friend and we was getting along great and slept together again. During sex he asked me to be his girlfriend which I ignored because we were both drunk. We was fine on Sunday and messaging but I noticed the vibe change and he seemed to go a bit cold towards me. I messaged today asking if he’d like to meet on Saturday for drinks and food or something but he said he already has plans. He’s then messaged this evening saying if he’s being honest he’d still like to be friends but he doesn’t want it to go any further and that I’m great but I deserve someone better. I’m so confused cos we were getting along great.

I really like this approach!

Its annoying being rejected by someone you're not even that interested in. But I will say, the fact the OP is asking this on MN means she may well be interested in more cos why bother otherwise.

Ive had something eerily similar happen to me in the past and I never thought to stick it on a forum. I just decided the bloke was a bit of a bellend and forgot him.

Its not you darling. He got his dick wet twice and realised he would have to be an actual grown up and didnt fancy it. I bet if you absolutely ignored him now, he would be all over you

I think all the people here are quite mean and actually rather cynical. My guess would be that actually he does really quite like you, that has scared him and that's why he is acting the way he is.
Maybe just give him some space for now, but try not to take it to heart.

Don't do this, OP.

This type of situation is why I stopped sleeping with men early on eg first meeting. Just my personal preference, obviously. But I like to at least weed out the ones who put zero effort into getting to know me.
Live and learn OP!

What was it he said before he nutted that made you think he wanted you to be his girlfriend?

Nothing to do with you.
He is probably on the fence already about having a gf, probably very afraid, so he asks when he is drunk, then the next day, he is doubting things again, so he runs away.
Either it's temporary or he's going to play the same game for a lifetime, but you definitely deserve someone more mature, responsible, determined and self-aware than this self-contradictory, escaping artist chap. Whatever the rest of his qualities may be.
You need and deserve someone consistent and dependable. He is not.

See, I’d see this as he might’ve asked you to be his girlfriend and you ignored it (rightfully so, as you’re entitled to🫶🏼), he may be a bit embarrassed?! Who knows? Can you call him and ask for a chat? If you like him, tell him. Maybe explain this to him, and that you ignored him because you were both drunk, then say if he still wants to just be friends, then so be it.

I agree with this! I feel like she didn’t respond, and he’s feeling embarrassed, my guess would be is that he’s catching feelings🤷🏻‍♀️🫶🏼

He shot his shot and you ignored him. His feelings got hurt so he got arsey. Easy enough to figure out.

he’s being honest he’d still like to be friends but he doesn’t want it to go any further and that I’m great but I deserve someone better.

self deprecating, anyone else think he wants you bolstering his ego? oh no youre amazing...

Anyway, tell him "omg I'm so relieved, fwb was my aim, you going all bf/gf was outside the comfort zone!"

That is a lot of revenge for someone who doesn't sound like she's bothered.

Some replies really get me confused.

OP sleep with him if you want or don't sleep with him if you don't want. No need to play games. Just accept that he isn't certain in his mind so don't get too attached. Depends on your personality and what you are looking for really.

He was drunk, it was sex. He’s not wanting it to go further, doesn’t matter what he said when he was drunk and shagging.

Good grief, this is insane. It was a couple of drunken shags. Not a marriage proposal.

I'd text back, 'You are right. I do'.

And then not bother with him anymore. He got his leg over a couple of times and lost interest. I'd write him off as not worth it.

I wouldn't be friends. I'd be a disinterested acquaintance from now on.

Thanks for your advice everyone, really appreciate it. Just going to forget about him, I’d have liked to have been friends with benefits but nevermind 😂 I’ll still be friendly with him when I do see him out because I’m not a nob 😂

If you like him, tell him🫶🏼

I do like him but I don’t want to come across as desperate now so I’ll leave it be 😂

That’s exactly why I ignored him because we was both drunk haha, he did say it about 3 times 🫣

Oh OP hold on a minute - the poor bloke asked 3 times if you’d be his gf, you ignored him but actually quite like him, and now he’s saying he just wants to be friends?! I mean it’s perfectly possible that he just got you into bed and doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with you, but if you like him, surely at this point just reply and say that’s a shame, you’d asked me to be your gf but I was hoping you’d ask when you were sober, if you just want to be friends I’ll respect that though.

I know 🤦🏼‍♀️ Feel like I’ll have to just leave it now until I see him face to face I think, feel desperate if I message now 😞

I kept my fiance on his toes and slept with him after he expressed that he's serious about me 🤣 recommend. No games to play. Due to marry now.

OP was up for sex too? Why are t men allowed to change their minds?

Isn’t that the very definition of a game, sex should not be transactional.

Rewards after you establish intentions. I think it's ok not to sleep with people who aren't serious about you.