Would you mind your teenager spending time with friends whose parents do not work?

[TickingKey46]

Would you be bothered if one of your children spent a lot of time with a friend who's parents didn't work? The child's often at their house, nice couple but choise not to work.
A lot of my family have said they don't think it sends the right message to my teenager. Ive always been very live and let live. But I'm just not sure what to say to my child as they have asked me before if either the parents work?

I'm interested if they would be similarly concerned about a family with a high-earning parent and a stay-at-home parent, or if it is entirely a 'class thing'.

No I wouldn't be bothered.

This would not bother me at all.

My ds is entitled to choose his own friends. He has sense and good boundaries. and I trust his judgement.

I remember when I was 15 my parents tried to stop me seeing my best friend because my f had discovered that her parents had both divorced before they married. In his view that made them untouchable.

I learnt to regard my father as an ignorant overbearing bigot. My contempt for him grew and we were NC by the time I was 16. We were never reconciled. My judgement was spot on.

Be careful OP, sins of the fathers and all that !

Not remotely, no

What business is it of yours?

Your family sound ridiculous.

I didn’t know whether the parents of my teens freinds had jobs or not. I didn’t need to know that level of detail.

I wouldn't stop it or anything but I would be bothered to a degree.

I have similar and it honestly does bother me a bit as DS seems to think their life is quite ideal. His friend has older siblings who also don't work.

DS has told me they are a lot more chill than I am, and not always going on about stuff!

Of course, I would not say this to DS and in no way stop him from hanging out with his friend.

oh dear. I was a stay at home parent when my eldest was a teenager. Hope no-one ever thought my family were a bad influence. My husband worked though.

One of my close friends at school grew up in a council house with neither parent working. She went to uni, has a great job, husband with a great job, a lovely home - I wouldn’t judge your child’s friend just because her parents don’t work.

Your teens parents work so he is familiar with that situation. That's where his values come from. Its fine.

Well my daughter’s best friend isn’t allowed to come to my house because I’m a single parent who escaped DV. So by protecting my children I’m considered not to be protective.

this may seem unrelated but to me it isn’t - let your children be friends with their friends and keep your judgements about their parents to yourself!!

When you say they choose not to work... how do they live?

Depends. Are they scummers? Lounging about in a slovenly pit drinking and smoking? Feckless?

Do I have concerns about how safe my child would be there?

if they just choose not to work but are normal, decent parents then I’d be fine

Why would you think that the influence of the friend's family is going to outweigh the values you've presumably taught your teen over the years?

Is their sole crime to be unemployed? Maybe there are health reasons or misfortune that have meant they are unable to work.

Heaven forbid that your teen is exposed to the way different people live their lives!

My dc as teens had friends whose parents were retired. Is that considered a socially acceptable way of not working?

I don’t decide whom my teens are friends with - that’s their decision

No, it would not bother me. Dh and I don’t work and DD’s friends’ parents find it acceptable to allow their children to come to our house.

Wouldn’t bother me. My teen has a good work ethic so I don’t think he’d be remotely influenced by his friend’s parents. seems harsh to not allow a friendship when their child has done nothing to deserve it.

DH and I work so I feel my children are getting good role models at home. Other families aren’t really their concern.

Interested in what way it bothers you?

Is it that it may suggest to your teen that they don't need to work in the future?

Or is it that you feel it is indicative of other moral/ethical standards in the home?

Or you feel it is associated with low income which could mean pressure on food and fuel bills and you don't want your dc being hosted to exacerbate that?

Or?

I mean the Royals don't work as such....

It occurs to me that I know very little about the employment status and history of my teens friends' parents and that it isn't something I think much about.

I do like to know that they are not outstanding their welcome anywhere and not taking meals and snacks without contributing, that they are safe and able to get home if needed. But not sure not working would impact any of those specifically?

I think op means both parents are on benefits and that this is a lifestyle choice.

Are they kind, welcoming and respectful to your child?? Do they treat their own children well?? Is their house safe? These are the only things I would be interested in.
Not working because?? My daughters regularly come across stay at home mums as the school they attend is full of families with high earners. Is that ok?? Or is it about benefits?

I don’t work. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I can’t work due to cancer. However, I’m very middle class with a PhD and have a big house, so I’m not the sort of non-working adult people are concerned about. 🙄 No, I don’t think it’s an issue. Unless there is a lot of chaos and dysfunction in the household. Your dc could be a positive influence on his life. I don’t let my dc spend time with friends where I know there is substance use going on in the household or random men coming over for a shag while they’re there, no. But that’s different because there is actual risk of harm.

I have no idea if dc’s friends parents are on benefits. I assume some of them are. Likewise, they probably wonder how we have such a big house when we don’t seem to go to work like everyone else (we have a profitable business that mostly runs itself). As long as they are good kids and it’s a safe, happy household, that’s all that would matter to me.