Would you mind your teenager spending time with friends whose parents do not work?

[TickingKey46]

Would you be bothered if one of your children spent a lot of time with a friend who's parents didn't work? The child's often at their house, nice couple but choise not to work.
A lot of my family have said they don't think it sends the right message to my teenager. Ive always been very live and let live. But I'm just not sure what to say to my child as they have asked me before if either the parents work?

A stay at home mum with a working husband is completely different to both mum and dad deciding not to work. The working man is providing tax and contributing to society, two unemployed parents aren’t contributing only taking (unless they’re secret millionaires)

This is a new approach so well done for that.

Be like someone judging me for parenting alone so no, I try not to judge other peoples choices. Some of my kids parents own their own businesses, some I don't know if they work or not, others I do not even know if they also are a one parent family or if both parents are even alive. I don't even know if mine tell pals our homelife situation. I myself have friends from all walks of life and once they are good to me and my family that is all that matters.

Your family are a bunch of snobs I'd rather a child not be one of them 😡

I don’t know what half the parents of my children’s friends do for a living… why would I care!?

Wow! Just wow!

I would be more concerned about my child spending time with a family that were so judgemental!

Just to clarify they are both on benefits. I know the parents they are a nice couple but have a very different set of values to myself. One did work but they both choose not to now, no not health related.
I am a single parent myself who works full time i am my children's only parent as they are not able to see the other parent due to domestic abuse. I have never had any conserns with my child being over there.

Reading between the lines I doubt they are aristocracy and live nicely off family money.

I’m glad the parents of my son’s friends didn’t stop their kids seeing my son when I was unemployed.

I wouldn’t attempt to stop a friendship, but I might make a bit more effort to point out the various benefits of working as they occur.

The job centre doesn’t take “I choose not to work” as a valid reason for living off benefits.

I had friends whose parents didn’t work. It was not an advertisement for that way of life as they were extremely hard up. Benefits seem to give a higher standard of living than they did in the 80s.

You can't really choose not to work and live on benefits instead. You have to look for work if you are able, it is closely monitored. Or you have to have a disability or caring responsibilities that stop you working.

You can't just choose not to work and be on benefits. It doesn't work like that.

Your family sound like awful people.

I’ve no clue what any of my kids friends parents do 🤷‍♀️

My mum didn't work, she was too poorly to work. No one else's parents would have known this though as I didn't talk about it. I turned out okay and was definitely not a bad influence on anyone else's children, on the contrary, I was the one that was led astray by those whose parents worked 😂

Since you know so much can you tell us how they are doing it? It’s not really how the UC system works so if they have found another way I would love to know.

My teens have demonstrated to me time and time again that they have our values and their friends having different values has actually embedded that. But they’ve also learned that they can be friends with those different to them… within reason. Dd chose to drop her racist friend.

This - one works for a bank and is away during the week and one might be a primary teacher or TA maybe… no idea re the others.

No. DS’s friends came from a variety of backgrounds. But equally I have always chatted openly with him about people’s life choices and why they may do what they do, impacts etc in a non-judgemental way.

Unless you've outright asked them "so do you not work and aren't looking for work by choice or do you have some health conditions or caring responsibilities I don't know about?" Then you really don't "know" that they don't. Unless they are actively bragging that they are fit as fiddles with no cares in the world and benefits is a lifestyle choice (which, how can it be when you only get about £80 job seekers allowance and that stops if you aren't looking), then your evidence is your opinion based on what you believe. If they encourage or at least don't discourage their child in pursuit of sports, learning, healthy lifestyle, I'd say they are fear better role models that the parents who ignore their children.

I can’t say I get my children’s friendships based on the occupations of their parents, never mind teenagers! What a snobby attitude.

I can actually relate to this , my son has a friend who’s parents don’t work/ sometimes sell Avon type stuff.
only because he would go to theirs and actually they have a nicer house and a garden then us.
luckily he does also see they have no car/ money to do things so I suppose it gives some perspective as well

as a general rule no it wouldn’t bother me what the parents do for a living

Me, judging you.

Wouldnt bother me

Well two of my daughter’s friends - their families don’t work cos they’re self made multi millionaires lol