Would you mind your teenager spending time with friends whose parents do not work?

[TickingKey46]

Would you be bothered if one of your children spent a lot of time with a friend who's parents didn't work? The child's often at their house, nice couple but choise not to work.
A lot of my family have said they don't think it sends the right message to my teenager. Ive always been very live and let live. But I'm just not sure what to say to my child as they have asked me before if either the parents work?

Hmmm, a lot of your family have an opinion on this?! How bizarre. My extended family have no idea what the parents of my
children’s friends do (or don’t do!) for jobs!

This is ridiculous. You are basically asking, should kids who have parents who don't work be allowed to have friends?

You can't just choose not to work and live off benefits instead 🙄

No matter how much people rant about it online, anyone who has been on benefits will tell you you can't just go 'nah I don't fancy working, can you hand over my benefits money thanks'

Pretty sure it’s a ‘being on benefits out of choice’ thing. So a SAHP with a high earning breadwinner would be a completely different situation

I’ve chosen not to work for the past 15 years and DH has a few weeks left and he’ll be finishing work through choice too.
I hope our kid’s mates don’t ditch them when their parents find out.

Yes I would be concerned.

If they 'choose not to work' are they wealthy? No, it wouldn't bother me.

I had a friend at school whose parent and grandparents never worked. They were well parented and are still close to their family and happily married with kids (and yes, they work!).

My friend with the rich parents who were never around, however? Years of mental health issues and bad relationships due to abandonment issues and low self worth. HUGELY responsible position as a high up in a global tech company but often nothing short of miserable.

Please don't push your snobbery on your child. It sounds like they have a lovely little friendship there.

if they are a nice couple and a nice family that should be all that matters

How can you? Any of us could be out of work tomorrow. Any of us could have a disability meaning we can't work (yes, it's unlikely to happen to both young, fit parents, but it is quite possible!)
You say they choose not to work-unless they're independently wealthy/unable to work, how are they not pushed to look for work? So many people I know are desperately trying to find work, but are constantly having to do things to prove they're looking, and friends with genuine health issues seem to be challenged regularly about their condition making them unable to.

How come a lot of your family have found out that your teenager's friend's parents don't work?

I would only vet my teen’s friends if the kids themselves were trouble or a bad influence. End of.

I can’t work due to chronic illness ….. hope none of my kids parents think like you!! I did have one mum saying how lucky I was to not work……. Yes darling I have a life threatening illness though ☠️🙄

Do you think the non working family are concerned about the child who is always spending time in their home, with their child, because the working parent is NEVER home? Food for thought op.
Your child spending A LOT of time at the friend's house where he/she is safe, respected and indoors out of potential trouble/harms way?? How snobby can you be??

In the neighbourhood my children grew up in there were several families that were on welfare (benefits) they still learned that working was a better option. They have good work ethics. Only one has gone on disability after being diagnosed with Reynauds.
As children and teens, I don't think they even considered what the friends parents did.

I don’t understand this thread - do you think this family makes money from crime / dealing drugs? Because benefits that are not health related ie jobseeker type benefits can’t possibly be enough to live on. So that would be my only concern. But then there’s money to be made in all sorts of legal ways - selling on Vinted, day trading, sports betting etc.

I don't think I would have known the parents employment status, I just would have known them to chat at the school gate.

There was one parent though. Horrible woman, I swear she was grooming him. He was 14, she gave him fags, alcohol, would get takeaway pizzas etc.
It made me sick.

Of course I tried to put my foot down, but he was over 6 foot and angry by then and he started to physically assault me. It was an horrendous time.

Apart from her though, the skanky cow...

No, it wouldn't bother me because I wouldn't know and with working from home now, unless the child has specifically been told they don't work, they wouldn't know.

It's very difficult to just choose not to work.

I've been a single parent to a now 29 year old and a 20 year old and going to the job centre was not only embarrassing, but the fear of sanctions was forever held over you like a guillotine.
I would assume they have a reason not to work, is one disabled and the other a carer. Oh I don't know, but no, if they seem like good people, it wouldn't bother me.

Whereas me being a single working Mum using before and after school clubs for youngest was still seen a parent to be avoided.

Just in case they caught the working single mum disease. Dirty! 🤣

I wouldn't have a problem unless they started to think that it was normal or acceptable to not work when you are capable of work. If that started happening, then I would encourage them to spend more time at our house with their friend.

I would have more of a issue if they were dating someone that didn't work. That would be unacceptable.

What was their explanation when you asked them and expressed your concerns?

My own parents didn’t work when I was a teenager, we were on benefits.
i have never considered tbh that my friends families might not have liked that!
I now work full time, and I feel it’s worse personally! I feel like my kids and their friends never have my full attention when they’re here 😂
my siblings and I have all worked, one of my siblings now doesn’t work and hasn’t for a long while because she doesn’t need to.

Why don't they work? I think think it depends on this.

Criminal activities of course I would object.

Disabled and can't work different story.

Independently wealthy, probably ok.

I am a bit suspicious of this "choose not to work" thing. If by this you mean that they are milking the system that the rest of us are paying for I am not sure I'd put up with that.

They'd be bad role models and I dislike scroungers.

Such a strange culture in Britain.

We had this but it was because they were billionaires,

Exactly