Is there still any chance with this guy or am I being ghosted?

[Helen123UK]

Started chatting to a guy about a month ago I met on a dating app. We hit it off straight away messaging constantly so after about a day we switched to WhatsApp. We continued to message loads for a week both getting to know each other and landed up chatting on phone for hours a couple of times. We met up that weekend, had a great first date with drinks, the conversation was amazing and we both agreed felt like we had known each other ages. We spent the day together and I stayed over as it felt right and that side of things was great too. I stayed until the afternoon the next day and we got food together before I went home.

We both agreed we really liked each other and wanted to get to know each other more although he works most weekends so that was a rare one off so I agree that I’d take a day off when he was or we could do an evening date or something and he said he would let me know when he got his shifts when he was off next. We live about 40mins away. I’m 42 and he is 28 so I am older but he said age isn’t an issue just the connection which I agree with. We messaged loads for another week and a half and talked on phone and I did ask about his shifts a couple times but he just kept saying I do really want to see you again I’ll let you know. We were even planning stuff to watch together. Then abruptly he hardly replied like one message a day and straight to the point with no kisses anymore. Then he went silent a couple days and I just got sorry I’m not chatty I’m not good at this and a day later sorry I’ve been distant but now a week has passed and he hasn’t replied to me at all.

He said the last time we talked on phone just prior to the messages changing, that he had got bad news that his grandmother might be ill and he is really close to her so I’m thinking is he just really upset or is he busy at work and I’m hoping he does still want to meet again as we both said we would always say what we were feeling so we would be upfront if didn’t think was working and he swore he wasn’t the type to just vanish he would say if he wasn’t interested.

My friends say it’s just typical ghosting though and he was probs talking to others and maybe prefers one of them or just isn’t feeling it but not saying. I’m just really surprised as he seemed so genuine and such a nice guy and open and honest so I just keep thinking they’re just be more to it than he isn’t interested but am I kidding myself. My friends say I should just go back on apps and try again but I hate dating more than one person at a time so don’t want to if it’s feasible he could come back. This is my first date since out of a long term relationship so I’m so rusty haha with telling what is going on. If he was going to ghost why say the day before he went silent he was sorry he had been distant in the few days before with less texts than usual and apologise for not being good at this (assuming he means dating) even though the two weeks prior he had seemed like the most easy to talk to person going.

Don’t take the chasing away from them, that’s the bit they like.

He is not interested anymore. Move on. And you should be dating about five at the same time, not just one or two. I wouldn’t be sleeping with them though, protect your body more than you would a bank account. Don’t be giving out your PIN numbers too easily.

Even if his Grandma was ill or even dead, if he liked you and wanted to persue this he would have messaged.

We use our phones all day long for messaging, social media, work, emails, maps, ordering from Amazon etc. There is no excuse that he couldn’t message if he wanted to.

For whatever reason he hasn’t felt a strong enough connection to continue this but he’s too cowardly to just come out and say it.

Agree with this. Sorry op

It really sounds like this guy has invested a lot of banter into being convincing and getting you to believe that you'll be out buying breakfast foods for the two of you the next time you shop, and all the rest.
When you put that much thought into being convincing it's kind of hard to just drop somebody by telling them you're dropping them. He's slowly dragging you to the end of the line, making lame excuses, cutting back on communication.
A lesson learned but yes learn from it and move on.

Agree!
Block and move on - most importantly learn from it.

He’s probably started chatting to a 22 year old. Sorry but get real.

He's obviously well.versed in this kind of thing..Until a new or better offer comes along. A real shag merchant..He could even be married for all you know.

Forget about him.. He is a real waste of space. Put it down to experience.

Better luck next time

Chalk it up, sorry but it was just an older woman thrill sounds like this is not his first rodeo…. If you didn’t use a condom get tested. Google all the lingo future faking breadcrumbing etc you’ll soon wise up. Also his grandma 👵🏼 is absolutely not sick.

Seasoned dater here. He is stringing you along. Google ‘breadcrumbing.’ He is giving you JUST enough to keep you hanging on, but strictly no more. In other words, throwing you the mere crumbs from his table.
Actions speak louder than words. I promise you, he’s not interested. Really sorry, OP.
Chin up and move on.

Your do come across a little bit naive to be honest, and regardless of what he's up to wether he's genuinely family problems upset etc, of course that's plausible but especially when you don't know someone I would let it lie, see what happens but to definitely not chase, it seems from your writing your a little bit more invested/excited for this and that's not really good, so id forget about this for a while

I'll take your 3-6 months and raise you 6 weeks max.

Sorry OP, but some great advice on this Thread and it's a learning curve 🌸

Onwards and upwards! Get chatting to your next date and forget this man. Sick grandma my arse 😂

Agree. Sorry OP but this is the answer.

yes ...try not to take it seriously OP just enjoy the ride! Quite a few young men in their 20s love older women in their 40s as they see them as being sexually experienced, non-clingy and after a bit of fun! But if they want kids in the future then they're not going to get serious.

I fell for all of this in my 40s and I look back now and think oh God what was I thinking. They catch you when you're vulnerable. Notice how lots of them on OLD say not looking for casual sex but a relationship. They are the ones to look out for.they tell you want you want to hear. Take it from all of us, don't think anymore about him. He's liking your FB posts because it's a lazy way of keeping you warm. He's using the grandmother line because he knows its one that will get you. He's a young man who's probably notching up his conquests before he is 30.

Cmon. Now, in so much distress he can scroll social media but not use WhatsApp.

hes ghosted you op. It was just a shag. He may come back for another one. He may not,

’Sick grandmother’ is the excuse that teens use to get extra time on their A-levels.
By our 40’s we tend to have lost our grandmothers and as sad as that is we recognise that sort of thing is not the world-ending, text-preventing, new-relationship-ending, dating-preventing phenomenon that we thought it was when in our teens & 20’s.

Please don’t fall for his young man excuses - you’re not that naive. You’re in your 5th decade and have lived a lot more life than him. See through his post-adolescent bullshit.

I've never done OLD but I hear a lot about ghosting. Do women shag and run as much as men do? Or is it just men trying to avoid difficult conversations so ghost instead?

I doubt anyone has monitored that, but yes I’d assume women also sleep with men and change their minds or decide not to see them again. Very old fashioned view to think women don’t.

You’re being extremely naive here.

He’s not interested in a relationship with you. It could not be more obvious.

No because its simply not in women's makeup. It comes naturally to blokes.

Looking slightly more positively (although not much) perhaps he wasn't so much breadcrumbing to get OP into bed but he really did like her and enjoyed chatting and that first date. Maybe he intended it to be more than a one night stand but got far more attention online than he thought and he's just drifted off towards younger and more compatible people.

So rather than being a malicious taker of what he could get, he might have decided that, lovely though OP was, he's better suited to someone closer to his own age and just has no idea how to put that into words that won't make her feel insulted.

I mean - it could be...

It's absolutely classic ghosting OP, he might have the ghosting manual in front of him as he types, right down to the dying grandmother who is meant to pull at your heart strings and give him an even easier exit. Such a horrible way to treat anyone, and absolutely undeserved.

Have a look at lalalalaletmeexplain she wrote a book called block delete and move on. Give it a read/listen if you can and give her insta a follow.

He was doing that to keep you dangling unless something better didn't come along.