Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend shouts, follows me during arguments and I feel afraid at home

56 replies

alturist · 08/06/2026 20:49

My boyfriend and me argue and he shouts. I’ve asked him not to because it always makes me cry. He sometimes laughs when I cry or if I mispronounce words (I can stammer when I’m anxious, but haven’t really done it since a child).

We were both arguing today, and I was getting really frustrated because he wasn’t listening. Basically I’ve booked flights abroad which he agreed with but is now saying he can’t go as it’ll be a home match for his football team. Ridiculous! I said I’ll go alone then, and that was the wrong answer… he said I was a self centred idiot and that I should be spending weekends and holidays with him. I’d lose £350 if we didn’t use the tickets

Anyway I said dont speak to me like that, he ran in front of me saying “answer the fucking question”. I asked him to get out of my face but he persisted. So I turned around and walked to the bathroom, I said please don’t follow me, leave me alone. He said I’ll fucking follow you. Got to the bathroom, locked the door and cried. He smacked the wall and threw something.

I feel afraid in my own house. His tempers horrendous.

OP posts:
FriendlyMedusa · 08/06/2026 20:51

What a vile little man.

You deserve better than this and you know it. Don't let this be your future.

suburberphobe · 08/06/2026 20:52

Get this man out of your life. He brings you nothing but stress and sadness, never mind the bullying behaviour.

GCAcademic · 08/06/2026 20:52

You need to get out. He has no control over himself, and no respect or liking for you, so I guarantee he won’t be stopping at smacking the wall.

Iloveagoodnap · 08/06/2026 20:54

Are you still in the bathroom? Do you have a friend or relative who can come and pick you up? Preferably male as men like that think they can do what they like to women but are usually cowards in front of other men.

Bananalanacake · 08/06/2026 20:54

Who owns the property you live in. Throwing things is abusive.

Lifeonapigfarm · 08/06/2026 20:56

I'm so, so sorry you are going through this. It sounds so awful.

Does the house belong to you or do you joint own it?

Do you have anyone around who you can talk to?

Good relationships don't look like this. You deserve better.

Have you thought about leaving him?
I hope you can somehow find the strength to leave him. I know it may not be easy but it will be worth it.

Do you have children?

maybefour · 08/06/2026 20:56

Do any of your close friends/family know he goes on like this? You need IRL support if possible & to start planning your exit, this is only going to get worse. What a horrible person he sounds.

ChaToilLeam · 08/06/2026 20:57

I'm so sorry love, this is abuse. Do you have friends or family that could help? Don't be ashamed to ask for support.

Loubissou · 08/06/2026 20:58

He is an emotionally abusive bully, and it sounds as if he is ramping up towards getting physical.

In the immediate. Are you still in the bathroom? Would you consider calling the police?

Longer term. Do you live with him? Rented? Owned?

Duvetdayneeded · 08/06/2026 20:58

Kick his abusive arse out!! Dump him

jellyfish798 · 08/06/2026 20:58

alturist · 08/06/2026 20:49

My boyfriend and me argue and he shouts. I’ve asked him not to because it always makes me cry. He sometimes laughs when I cry or if I mispronounce words (I can stammer when I’m anxious, but haven’t really done it since a child).

We were both arguing today, and I was getting really frustrated because he wasn’t listening. Basically I’ve booked flights abroad which he agreed with but is now saying he can’t go as it’ll be a home match for his football team. Ridiculous! I said I’ll go alone then, and that was the wrong answer… he said I was a self centred idiot and that I should be spending weekends and holidays with him. I’d lose £350 if we didn’t use the tickets

Anyway I said dont speak to me like that, he ran in front of me saying “answer the fucking question”. I asked him to get out of my face but he persisted. So I turned around and walked to the bathroom, I said please don’t follow me, leave me alone. He said I’ll fucking follow you. Got to the bathroom, locked the door and cried. He smacked the wall and threw something.

I feel afraid in my own house. His tempers horrendous.

Please see these red flags for what they are. These are the warning shots. So many women find this is what happens before he hits you. He's got rage that he chooses not to control so he vents it by hitting the wall, throwing things. That rage eventually can turn into slaps, pushes, please don't wait to find out where this dangerous road leads honey. You deserve better and you know it. Contact Women's Aid, reach out to family or friends, get away from him asap. Please be safe and think of your future self, this isn't what love looks like and don't let anyone tell you different. You owe him nothing, you don't owe him an explanation, a chance to turn it around - it's too late, it's already gone way too far and you need to look after you, so please leave. We're all here for you, you're not alone xxx

WaltzingWaters · 08/06/2026 21:00

He’s vile and abusive.
Please leave, it’ll only get worse. Do not bring children into this situation.

TessSaysYes · 08/06/2026 21:03

Who owns the accomodation? Who is on the rental agreement?
You need him to get out/ moved out.
He sounds truly horrible.
But tread carefully.

AgnesX · 08/06/2026 21:05

It's your house; does he live with you? If not it's time to get rid. Change the locks if you have to with his belongings in the other side of it.

That's not the way anyone decent treats their partner.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/06/2026 21:12

It's abuse.

I'm so sorry.

Ending the relationship is your next move.

LewKirtonHeavenInTheAfternoonNSOul · 08/06/2026 21:34

Throw this one back this won't get any better with time only progressively worse.
He's cruel ,abusive and selfish.
Being scared in your own home is a non starter.

You'll get good advice on here .

alturist · 08/06/2026 21:35

He’s gone out now, but I don’t know where he’s gone. We rent the house. It’s just us. The neighbours have probably heard him over the last few months im so embarrassed. I live about 2 hours from my parents and family.

OP posts:
LewKirtonHeavenInTheAfternoonNSOul · 08/06/2026 21:39

Do you have a friend you could go to for tonight perhaps.
Others on here are good at helping navigate these situations💐

Lifeasitis91 · 08/06/2026 21:42

I had a bf like this when I was 18 - lasted 7 months or so. He never hit me but his tempers were vile. On a night out he kicked a stray cat when we were walking home, no reason other than he could. A passer by saw this and obviously confronted him which lead into a scuffle, the passer bys words were "that's how it starts, it will be you who he's kicking next"

I dumped him the next morning and booked a holiday 3 days later, I never heard from him again

Plan a safe exit and dump him!

TheDogsMother · 08/06/2026 21:46

This will only get worse, you need to leave.

jellyfish798 · 08/06/2026 21:51

Lifeasitis91 · 08/06/2026 21:42

I had a bf like this when I was 18 - lasted 7 months or so. He never hit me but his tempers were vile. On a night out he kicked a stray cat when we were walking home, no reason other than he could. A passer by saw this and obviously confronted him which lead into a scuffle, the passer bys words were "that's how it starts, it will be you who he's kicking next"

I dumped him the next morning and booked a holiday 3 days later, I never heard from him again

Plan a safe exit and dump him!

Sounds like you were meant to cross paths with the passer by and you made a wise choice ❤️ x

rwalker · 08/06/2026 21:53

Just read the title that was enough for me nobody should be afraid
get out of this relationship

PeoniesAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 08/06/2026 21:55

It will only get worse.

It only ever gets worse. I promise you.

TitaniumTess · 08/06/2026 22:01

I agree to contact Women's Aid or a local domestic abuse charity. They'll keep your confidence.

If you Google 'emotional abuse,' you'll see that quite a few boxes are being ticked here.

I've lived it. I had a son with my abuser. Years on, the torment has never ended. It just changes forms but I remember what it was like to be scared in my own home.

Please tell friends or family, seek help safely and get away from him.

The Freedom Programme also helped me to see the patterns. Good luck. Xxx

AcquadiP · 08/06/2026 22:06

"he said I was a self centred idiot and that I should be spending weekends and holidays with him."

You should be spending time with him other than when the football is on I take it?

As others have said, he's abusive. You need to quickly and quietly plan an escape route and whatever you do don't tell him you're leaving. Also, get yourself on holiday, it will do you good.