Feeling shit after being dumped completely out of the blue and via WhatsApp!

[olivietolivie]

As the title says really. A whirl wind 3 month romance, spoke for hours every day, had a city break together, he talked a lot about falling for me…. The future….. everything. Then he just sent a long WhatsApp basically he wants time by himself / to be a dad and self reflect after the end of his long marriage (split just over a year ago) and then thinks we would be better suited to different partners in the future. Wtf.

I’ve wished him all the best and blocked him on everything but I just feel SO shit. Didn’t see this coming AT ALL. How did I not see this coming?!

in every other way he was a great guy, I think, after dating a really shit guy last year he was really restoring my faith in men. And now…. Well. Crushed tbh.

sorry not sure what I wanted with this post. But just feeling low and a bit lonely so wanted to put something out there.

Urgh yes it can feel pretty rubbish. The rise of messaging means you can feel hugely connected with someone when your actual time together has been really limited.

I should think if im honest he thought you were going to be a rebound fling and it got a bit out of hand.

Award yourself some treats that you wouldn’t have done with him and take some time to yourself 💐

Any man who ends a relationship over WhatsApp’s is a cowardly loser
look at the positives - you had three months of fun and a city break, and much better now thank in another six months
to be honest after the breakup of a long marriage he should be focusing on himself and kids. It’s about him not you

A whirl wind 3 month romance, spoke for hours every day, had a city break together, he talked a lot about falling for me…. The future….. everything.

that in itself is a bit off

How long was their marriage? There are some some circumstances where someone moves on quickly, but if you've been with someone for over a decade and, you're still seeing them by having to co-parent, then a year isn't a long time.

It sounds like he's had his head turned by another woman, or something has happened between him and his ex which means he thinks he can get back together with her. They have children together, so the comfort and urge to go back could be very strong, despite what he's told you.

Ugh I’m sorry OP. You’ve probably dodged a bullet but I don’t know how anyone is supposed to know how to trust people when things like this happen. Do something nice for yourself and take care.

Sounds like it was a complete hormone buzz for him and now they're calming down he's backpedalled. 💐

Thanks all. I agree I have dodged a bullet and much better it happens now than further down the line. Just feels like I’ve got a bit of whiplash from it! And also feel like how do you trust people when they can do this? It’s very discombobulating.

Sorry but it sounds like a classic rebound situation after a LTR. That’s why I don’t date anyone newly single.
The thrill and intensity of the love bombing was clearly appealing and quite different to his marriage but none of that lasts. Sounds like he’s realised that now.
Take care of yourself and do things to keep yourself occupied. Exercise and spend time with friends. Time does help.

The annoying thing is he said that he had a short relationship not long after he split from his wife and recognised that that was too soon and a rebound. It genuinely didn’t occur to me that I was a rebound too! I trusted that he had learnt from that.

I think I’m just too trusting overall, basically.

Everyone is different - I started dating a couple of months after separating a 22 year relationship. Serious dating 6 months after. Was in the right headspace. Even if she had wanted to come back then it would have been a firm no. Relationship had been dying for a few years and the final year we were almost 2 people who happened to live together, often doing out own thing and I think had emotionally separated long before we actually did.

Quite possibly a man v woman thing as we tend to move on quicker. Also at 50 time moves a lot quicker!!

You may have been ‘together’ a few months but was the only in person contact you had the city break?
If it was, the rest was just pie in the sky and the dopamine hit from messages.
Saying all that stuff about the future would have alarm bells ringing for me.

This is why I am such a raging cynic. Another sad little boy with the attention span of a goldfish. At least you’ve had a fun three months and he’s revealed his true colours before you wasted any more time on him. It’s brutal out there.

That would be bonkers

Sorry to hear this OP. I am glad you hadn’t invested any more time or energy than 3 months with this individual. And… he did a WhatsApp break-up?? Good riddance. Here is the superb Kelly ‘text message break-up’ video which I hope is a little soothing and uplifting. Watch the most excellent rage which starts at 2 mins 35.

@OrdinaryGirlthank you that made me laugh! And is the rage I feel at the undignified break up that is a WhatsApp message!

Have you done the Freedom Program? I remember your previous thread and horrific bf. You're not recognizing red flags like love bombing and moving too fast and future faking and I think you need to do the program, read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft and have some therapy before you jump into another bad relationship.

It worries me that you didn't pick up on the blatant love-bombing.

very few do, it’s much easier to see it cold.

i say that as I’ve a divorced male friend and he behaves like this with women, i can honestly say it is not love bombing in a malicious sense, he just seems to get very excited with each one, decides they are rhe one early on. I’ve lost count of how many he’s told me are the one. Within weeks.Wants to spend all his time with them, then one of two things happens, he either meets the next one and bins the poor woman off, or thinks nah. Generally the former.

the issue is the women all match his energy, they are all in from the start, sex immediately, cooking him dinner etc,saying all the same things back , it’s never ever one sided. They lap it up.

and we tell him every time, calm the fuck down with this one, but he never does. I can barely look at him now. Especially when he’s rhe next one in tow, and she’s giving it all googly eyes and loved up within weeks.

it’s very easy to say oh you didn’t spot love bombing like it’s a malicious thing, but often it’s not , it’s two people who desperately want to be in a relationship and want each one to work.

My DP of 5 years broke up with me via a WhatsApp text message. Even tho he lives 10mins walk away. Yup. It’s a killer, as there’s no final discussion, they just disappear.

Luckily your guy was just a brief affair and it didn’t happen 5 years down the line. Head up and move on. Don’t get into another relationship right away.

@Firesidechatterid like to think that might be what happened here. I don’t think he was deliberately misleading or future faking me. But who knows.

The speaking for hours everyday thing whoever instigates the calls cannot be healthy for a long term relationship.