Feeling shit after being dumped completely out of the blue and via WhatsApp!

[olivietolivie]

As the title says really. A whirl wind 3 month romance, spoke for hours every day, had a city break together, he talked a lot about falling for me…. The future….. everything. Then he just sent a long WhatsApp basically he wants time by himself / to be a dad and self reflect after the end of his long marriage (split just over a year ago) and then thinks we would be better suited to different partners in the future. Wtf.

I’ve wished him all the best and blocked him on everything but I just feel SO shit. Didn’t see this coming AT ALL. How did I not see this coming?!

in every other way he was a great guy, I think, after dating a really shit guy last year he was really restoring my faith in men. And now…. Well. Crushed tbh.

sorry not sure what I wanted with this post. But just feeling low and a bit lonely so wanted to put something out there.

Well don't let this make you bitter and untrusting of everyone, but you'd probably be right to be a little more cautious in future. Basically the only thing you can do with this is learn from it. How a man can just end it by text after all that (sounds like it was an intense three months) is beyond me. You have definitely dodged a bullet.

how galling though that despite the heartache you have done the 'right thjng' by wishing him well and then blocking him, but in that way he doesn't have to be held accountable for hurting you. It seems so unfair that he's basically got away with walking all over your feelings and you can't even question it or have a valid in person explanation!! Coward!

It may possibly have been that you have different relationship styles - Anxious, Avoidant, or Secure (definitely worth reading up on). Not great from him to have done it via WhatsApp, but, be thankful that you wasted no more time - you spent 3 months getting to know each other, and you weren’t on the same page for whatever reason. Wish him well (mentally, as you’ve blocked him 😂 (and rightly so)) and move on. You have a whole summer of single life now!

Stay busy, find new activities, or do things you have enjoyed doing in the past. Make time for friends, family have catch ups. Just focus on yourself. Time will help.

When men pull stunts like that, it is more about what is going on with them, he is not in the right place and its good you got out now because you deserve better.

Look up Avoidant - I just dated one myself. Mine didn't know how to be loved and ran when it got real. Might not be the same for your guy but totally explains mine to a tee. Hurt like hell though

@FirstWorldProblemSolver you’ve really summed up how I’m feeling! I’m surprised that quite a few people seem to think a WhatsApp message is OK. I personally think that I’m worth a phone call but maybe I’m old fashioned. We saw each other for a lunch time stroll the day before - telling me then would have been a lot more decent in my opinion.

But I agree it’s cowardly on the basis of the way our relationship had been over those three months and the things he had been saying to me. He didn’t need to say any of the things he did - there was zero pressure from my end to make our relationship more serious but he was always the one that would instigate talking about the future.

sigh.

to be fair in other ways I think he restored my faith in men as other than this he was a decent person (I think - I guess you never really know someone do you).

I won’t be contacting him to tell him how hurtful he has been. What’s the point really. I won’t get any closure and he will just feel like shit. He probably knows already that he has been hurtful. Or if he doesn’t now he may reflect on it in a few weeks / months and realise he was hurtful.

NB - does anyone wish there was a way in the relationships board you could put some kind of ‘please only kind replies here and when I’m down’…. Some people are quite blunt with their replies which I find extraordinary when I’ve started the post explaining the way I’m feeling. Would you do this in real life if I confided in you what had happened and how I am feeling? When you could read my body language and see that I’m really deflated? Sometimes a bit of human kindness goes a really long way.

I put up my first thread and asked from some kindness the other day and it was awful.
’Why are you posting on here?’
Got it taken down.

The way to look at it is you had a lucky escape, as any man who would dump someone by text message is an absolute wank muffin. Who clearly isn’t over the break up of his marriage. Chin up OP. Plenty more fish in the sea xx

I’m so sorry OP. It’s rubbish when everything seems perfect and falls apart. It does sound like he was love bombing you but I think after a long term relationship it’s hard to get back into the way of just dating again.
You are allowed to be sad and wallow a little bit x

There are some very mean people in the world and many of them show up on mumsnet because keyboard warrioring fills the void. Ignore them.

You're completely validated in your reactions, this man is out of order (and so are all others who dump people this way). You have been blindsided and have gone from starting to imagine a future with this guy to all of a sudden, for no obvious reason at all, him going cold. He's not at any point voiced that he might need a bit of space, is having a wobble, maybe you shouldn't see each other so often... none of that. Just straight away the dreaded 'it's not you, it's me' text. It's weak and pathetic and utterly selfish of anyone's feelings but his.

he has clearly done this before and will do it to someone else. I wish I could give some advice on how to pull people up when they do this, but it's probably just going to make you sound bitter and if he's changed his mind enough to end it suddenly in a text then his mind is made up.

Just try to move on and do not go back there, you are better than this. There is a lovely man out there for you, you will find him x