Feeling shit after being dumped completely out of the blue and via WhatsApp!

[olivietolivie]

As the title says really. A whirl wind 3 month romance, spoke for hours every day, had a city break together, he talked a lot about falling for me…. The future….. everything. Then he just sent a long WhatsApp basically he wants time by himself / to be a dad and self reflect after the end of his long marriage (split just over a year ago) and then thinks we would be better suited to different partners in the future. Wtf.

I’ve wished him all the best and blocked him on everything but I just feel SO shit. Didn’t see this coming AT ALL. How did I not see this coming?!

in every other way he was a great guy, I think, after dating a really shit guy last year he was really restoring my faith in men. And now…. Well. Crushed tbh.

sorry not sure what I wanted with this post. But just feeling low and a bit lonely so wanted to put something out there.

do you mean just in a long term relationship? This was very new. And to be fair the length of calls were reducing down as we had got to know each other better (and no calls when we saw each other!)

I’m confused. How often did you meet in person during the time you were a couple?

A few times a week when child free. Sometimes more when we met on our lunch breaks. Why?

I recall your Clare’s law thread and the update that you didn’t he’d advice and carried on in the relationship anyway. And that was very recent! Slow down @olivietolivie . You have kids. Just slow down and enjoy getting to know yourself as a single woman.

@Tinglylipsi know myself. I spent four years single before my last relationship without dating.

Well in that case…. Just pause and enjoy yourself as a single woman. In a very short space of time you have had one very unhealthy relationship with a man who did a Clare’s law application on and ignored mumsnet advice, almost immediately followed by this. Just enjoy… yourself!

@TinglylipsI am sure enjoyment will come but having just been blind sided by an out of the blue breakup enjoying myself isn’t quite at the forefront of my mind at the minute. I’m still in a bit of shock!

Yes

point is… don’t jump straight back into dating! And when you do…. Be a lot less inclined to jump in feet first

My plan is no dating for the rest of 2026 at least. Could be longer. As I say - I went four years between dating previously. But that doesn’t really help me with how I’m feeling right now and which was the reason for me posting. I just feel sad and shocked.

Apologies. I read your first OP and thought you’d just had one break together.
Either way ending things by message is awful.
You were clearly building a relationship here with a man after being cautious for good reason and by that I don’t mean because he was awful. He felt and seemed like a good guy and again with good reason.
I am so very sorry you’ve been left feeling like this.

@PetulaGordenothank you. He really did seem like a good guy. I think the shock is starting to wear off a bit now and I’m just left feeling very sad.

If you met during lunch breaks does mean very very local to one another and liable to bump in to each other?

how long ago did you get back from the holiday?

@Tinglylipsugh most likely yes we got back just over 4 weeks ago

I'm really sorry OP, that is very painful. He may not have intended to love bomb you, but he has - that is all very fast and intense for early stages. In my experience, when it is that intense so early on it tends to blow up in your face - you can't really know each other three months in, so anyone planning a future is really getting carried away with the thrill and the dopamine and the sex etc. Then that wears off and people realize they've got in too deep and the reality isn't what the perhaps thought.

It's not your fault you didn't see this (it's happened to me a lot!) but I would be cautious going forward when things are this intense this quickly. It's either not real or they turn out to have serious issues, in my experience.

Sorry if it’s already been mentioned but have you had a search for him on one of those ‘are we dating the same man?’ Facebook pages? He might have form for this

How did you meet? OLD?

I wouldn’t be worried. If you see him just smile and nod and move on. I imagine he will do the same.

and don’t go away on holiday with men you’ve known 8 weeks in future. Just take next relationship very slowly and cautiously

Yes I did check are we dating the same guy and he wasn’t on there. Plus we have mutual friends, one of whom has known him for over two decades and said he was a very decent guy.

I don’t regret the trip to be fair. It isn’t somewhere DC would have been interested in going and I didn’t have any friends that would go - it was a lot of fun and I’m really glad we went.

Thank you that was comforting to read!

it’s very easy to say oh you didn’t spot love bombing like it’s a malicious thing, but often it’s not , it’s two people who desperately want to be in a relationship and want each one to work.

This is very true

You dodged a bullet. It'll feel shit for a bit but you're better off.
He was probably on the rebound after his marriage ending hence the intensity.

Well then presume he is pretty decent. He enjoyed the fling, got a bit caught up in it all, came back from the holiday, began to have second thoughts and finished it.

Could he have finished it in a nicer way? Absolutely but personally I’d have preferred a message after 3 months together.
Nothing logistical to sort, no arrangements to be made or finances entangled. So little point in actually prolonging it, arranging to meet and then basically leaving after 5 mins.

You both got way way ahead of yourself
He got cold feet and finished it
what was the point of meeting up to do it in person? Would have been a waste of time and you’d have to rocked up, excited for a date and then had to trudge home a few mins later.
I can’t really see that he did anything wrong other than get way too caught up in a fling, as you did too. Difference being - he changed his mind. And given it was only 3 months in - is that really so heinous?

All these posts telling you that you're better off in the long run but I've got news for you that THIS GUY is in player - mode, .....so he will return and that's WHY I'm messaging you. In the mean time I'm going to allow you to grieve and live through the shock. You will be shocked and in disbelief for a while. Allow these feelings to flow. Try not to do anything!!! Because He WILL be expecting YOU to chase him, so don't. ..... Tell him to get lost if he contacts you. Don't BLOC because there's more. Hes USED YOU , probably but you will show him ...He WILL come back....so now it's your turn to string him along just for the fun if it. ..Cut him off mid - sentence. Confuse him. ..Cancel on him but DONT GO AND MEET HIM .....till a long long time, till he's learnt his lesson or better still: never meet ; just keep stringing him along. Confuse him by not dismissing him but never ser him again....Do this its so satisfying.

Or don’t do any of that because it’s totally batshit.