Political Differences

[bananagrama]

Do you and your partner have different political opinions? Do you know any couples that do?
Do you think a relationship can work if you don’t agree on this subject (in the broadest sense, obviously no two people agree on everything).

I won’t say specifically what we disagree on but I don’t want to discount a new partner on the basis of this alone, as I like lots of other things about him but find it hard to talk about.

I would argue this is because most left wing people are more staunch in their morals on topics such as human rights etc. I would never date someone who would consider voting Reform as I would never want to be with someone who can support a party which has so little regard for people in need.

From the other side, say you were very right wing and a Reform voter. Whilst you may personally want very strict immigration control or whatever, you probably don’t care as much if someone doesn’t want that and can overlook this easier

I was dating in the late 70s and 80s and it would never have crossed my mind to consider my prospective partner's political beliefs.

Hmmm…I voted Conservative in the last election (not a member of the party), and would rather shit in my hands and clap than date a Reform voter.

I see what you're saying.

In my case, I don't know that I took things for granted, any more or less than most youth do and I don't regret not being aware or not caring when I was younger.

To some extent, I think politics has replaced religion, friendships and common sense and so I still find myself intentionally removing myself from all of it because it's just so convoluted, corrupt and not what I was taught it was in school.

But, that's just my opinion and I never realised, until now, that I wouldn't change a damn thing about me if I had the chance to go back....ha!

I think you’re right about politics replacing religion. It’s like supporting X leader becomes your whole identity.

Isn't that interesting. I was so politically motivated at that time that I would probably not have dated someone for whom it wasn't important. We are all so different.

I think it depends on how far apart you are. I'm fairly centrist and DP is very lefty, and we do fine. We have disagreements on politics, very rarely vote for the same person, but when we disagree its always an adult conversation and we're capable of having the conversation and letting it lie, accepting that we can have different opinions and that's not an issue.

Neither of us would be able to have a relationship with a reform voter or a properly hardcore Tory though, our values just would not align enough to be able to have a conversation about it.

Oh I agree. My political motivation is confined to voting in elections and that's it. The only protest march I ever went on was to try and prevent a brewery being closed down.

Brit pop had a political/class bent though, there were massive anti-gulf war protests in the early 2000s, girl power, anti Nazi league.

I do agree though, things were different then. There was a lot to be said for it and when I look back the time you mentioned feels like glory years.

Brilliant. A brewery closure is a damn good reason to protest. I hope you won.

I think it’s far too black and white to say you e.g. wouldn’t be able to be with someone who voted Tory.

Reform/bnp/ukip as they were back then absolutely I can see.

But the truth is that labour and Tory are fundamentally very similar, and IMO most people who say they would never vote Tory do so because of the word “Tory” without stopping to look at the differences in policies.

Labour have been in power now for two years and nothing has changed. They’re still looking to screw over the disabled, still cutting access to work while trying to remove disability benefits in order to force people into work they’re no longer prepared to fund.

But people voted for them because they’re “labour” not because they’re different. Because they’re not.

FWIW I didn’t vote for either of them.

Reform is a different matter and I wouldn’t want to get involved with someone who voted for them. That being said, if a partner of 20/30 plus years changed their allegiance I would hope that the communication between us was still strong enough that we could have a discussion about it.

Whether we like it or not, people are voting reform. And while I despise everything that Nigel Farage and his ilk stand for, I do think it’s important that we should at least try to have discussions about why these votes are coming about which don’t just amount to name calling and accusation.

My ex and I did. Opposite views. It was tiresome and he’d invite friends with his views to our home who would all try to bait me.

I didn’t see any evidence that his views really linked to his values (which I still couldn’t name) and he didn’t do anything actively for his party.

Now I am married to someone with the same politics and outlook on life and it’s like night and day. Being so aligned.

I think it can work but depends on the couple. I don’t enjoy aggressive political debates or having to avoid having an opinion. But know plenty that do/or don’t really talk about it.

I vote Labour and my sister votes Reform.
I do love her because she's my sister but I don't love that she votes Reform. Not because it's Reform, but because all the reasons she votes reform are based on stuff she's read on social media rather than anything she encounters in her day to day life.

It's not just people's political choice that makes them likeable/loveable/liveablewith....it's the reasoning behind it. If it's all based on conspiracy theories or partisan propaganda it's hard to relate to those views or the thought processes on which they're based.

It's absolutely impossible to see past the political with her because it's her whole personality now. It is all she wants to talk about. If you say 'Gosh my bus was late' there's no, 'Blimey what a nuisance' it's 'Well the traffic is so bad because of there are too many people on this small island'. It's impossible to join in the discussion with her because she's not interested in hearing any other views, news, data or information. She only wants what reinforces her belief. There is no changing the topic.

If she was a partner that would be very hard to live comfortably with regardless of her politics or mine.

Meant to add. My dad was a true blue Tory.

We never argued. We respected each other's opinions and reasoning and quietly got on with our lives.

It's nothing to do with that generation. I'm the same generation as you and have been politically aware and active since university, even though I had a very non-political, middle-class bubble kind of childhood. And there are people who prefer to live in their live-laugh-love bubbles even these days.

I found that once you begin to notice injustice and inequality, you can't unnotice it and you have to try to make things better in whatever small or big ways you can. That's being political to me, not who you vote for. I vote, of course, but it hasn't been the most important political action in my life since I was 18.

I'd probably find it harder to be in a relationship with someone who didn't give a shit about politics and society at all than with someone who disagreed with me. But to answer the original question, yes, it's essential that DH and I are on pretty much the same page politically. Not identical - he's not quite as far left as I am - but I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't agree with me on matters like equality. Specifically, as a mixed-race woman, I would feel that being in a relationship with someone who didn't understand or wasn't interested in race issues and feminism would basically be disrespectful to myself. And being with someone who was dismissive of LGBT issues would be disrespectful to my closest friends.

Political beliefs are essentially your fundamental values and I don’t think you can have a successful healthy relationship with someone who has fundamentally different values to you.

Not sure I agree with the first part of this. Two people might share values in relation to an issue (for example, believing that the wellbeing of the poorest is fundamentally important) but disagree on the best way to address that issue (eg by increasing benefits for the poorest versus supporting industry to effect economic growth- a rising tide lifts all boats). Same underlying concern, completely different political outcome.

I could have a relationship with someone with different politics to mine. I'd struggle to have a relationship with someone with different basic values.

Agree to disagree. My POV isn't up for debate but I understand yours.

Dh and myself broadly agree on politics and generally vote the same way. For me it is about my fundamental values. I believe in supporting the poor and disabled and I’d really struggle to be in a relationship with someone who voted to take away from them

I had a friend who voted tory. When I asked why, she answered that they’d done the maths and would be better off under them. They were already wealthy. I don’t vote purely for myself, I vote for people relying on food banks, for disabled people that rely on the NHS. I can’t remember the last time I worried about how I was going to put food on the table for my family. I’m very fortunate but others aren’t.

i have to disabled (grown up) children and it’s unfathomable to me that someone would vote in a way that would give the more excess money while leaving send children without an education or disabled adults with poorer access to services. These people are happy for inner city children to lose their library but as soon as there’s talk of. their village library closing down they join forces to protest.

their happy for vital home school transport services to be cut for others but fight tooth and nail to keep the (free) service that they’ve been given for years.

Yes, but they are more Centrist/Liberal than anything else. I couldn't ever be together with someone who voted Reform UK (or worse). Both fervent remainers, couldn't be together with a Leaver at all.

My DH and I were long term green voters ..both vegans
But we have gone in different directions over the past few years
I can no longer vote green ,they do not speak for me
He has gone as far green as a person possibly can ,and I actually have lost all respect for him and his his views ..I simply can not understand how he has come to the conclusions he has ,as what is good for this country.
If I had a way to leave my marriage I would
But unfortunately for me ,I do not

When I was first seeing my partner we did have very different political views, but at the time it wasn’t something we really talked about (young, naive, mostly drunk).
As he’s got older his views have aligned more with mine, and he has even voted more left wing than me on occasion. He works in a very liberal field so that has helped as he has had his fears/views tested by meeting lots of different kinds of people.
If I was getting together with someone now, at my age (late 40’s) it would definitely matter, and as pp’s have said I wouldn’t date a right wing voter. And they wouldn’t date me.

It depends. Some people view politics as this external thing that is separate from the home, whilst others don't and the latter opinion has some weight to it if it directly affects you in the relationship.

I think it's a reasonable difference to reject an intimate partner for, just like a lot of other things that could affect you in a relationship. Women have certainly rejected men or got 'the ick' for much less!

However, just keep in mind that the correlation between personality and politics can be surprising.

For example, in my workplace, I felt that one department was quite an unwelcoming place, and two nice people I knew were bullied out of it. Those two people were very liberal and Left wing, but so was the department. It was the most progressive place in the company, where staff were quite confident in signalling their politics on online Teams meetings through snide digs and remarks about Trump or J K Rowling. You'd think wouldn’t you that they'd be nice people wouldn't you, given their Be Kind politics, but they weren't to the people around them.