DP driving me up the wall.......

[strawberriesandcream01]

Hi all. DP works away all week so i am on my own with 2 small children. I have got used to it and am in my own routine and have freedom i the week. I am really struggling at weekends when he comes home as he is so messy, the house is a tip and I just feel I can't cope when he is here! Also he makes me feel very nervous (this has improved alot but I still feel like it). For instance i paid a bill at the bank for him today and instead of going up to the counter they asked me to use the quick deposit box which is what i did. I felt I had to text him and tell him I had done this and he hasn't yet replied so I am worrying he will be fed up.

Dont really know what else to say

Sorry I don't understand why you had to text your DH about the bill.

Is it because you don't feel confident that you have done the right thing, or because he insists that you do ?

If its any help I think most families have a lot of adjusting at the weekend. I sometimes have to split forces from DH to a) allow each of us to spend alone time with DS and also to get some of our own space and b) because we tend to try and out parent each other when we are together.

You need to tell him how you feel to at least give him a change to changfe his behaviour.

Becareful to talk about how you feel only, using neutral 'i' statements and not attacking 'you' statements eg, You drive me mad cos your so messy, to, I feel really frustrtaed at weekends cos I feel all my plans and routines for managing the house just go out the window, and I get so stressed I can't just relax and have some good family time - can we talk about this and come to some sort of compromise?

I also don;t know what you mean about the bill. Not sure why you think you need his permission for something like that.

I agree with Monkeytrousers re talking to dp. Also, find out how HE feels. He probably feels out of it because he's got to fit in somehow at the weekend. Hopefully if you talk together he will understand your feelings and not do things like be really messy. But I bet he has worries too.

In a way i feel I have to justify what I have done. I did him a favour and paid this bill but always worry that I might get something wrong as he is such a perfectionist and quite controlling. I had to leave a phon number on the bill slip incase of any problems and my phone has not been working all day so I am now stressing the bank have tried to call me but couldnt get through.

I do suffer with anxiety and DP has been very controlling in the past but is alot better now which is why I feel like this i think.

I have spoken to him abou tthe mess and how he makes me feel but he doesn't get it (maybe I just get too stressed over small things). If he has a problem with something he will talk to me whereas I will clam up and not talk.

Maybe you need just to get out a bit more, join a gym, get some head space..