Is he too nice? Or do I have to accept that I have a certain type and stick to it...

[SunshineOnIslington]

I'm 40, no kids, never married and been navigating dating (online and IRL) for a while with absolutely no luck. Matched with someone online recently who wasn't my usual physical type (I usually go for tall, gym bunny types - he's 5ft8 and slim) but ticked all my other boxes - attractive, local, decent job - and who sent me such a lovely opening line that I matched with him. Been on a few dates and we get on really well, he seems to like me a lot, and he's just really, really nice.

The problem I have is that although I do find him physically attractive, the urge just isn't there for me. I don't look at him and feel like I want to rip his clothes off (and I genuinely feel like I've had that in all my previous relationships). He's just...nice....safe...I don't know...

We've also just recently had sex for the first time. Although I could see he was quite slightly built from his photos, I wasn't prepared around just how actually thin he looks without clothes on. I'm only 5ft2 and a size 6 myself, but he genuinely looked frail. He openly admits he doesn't eat enough as he's always so busy, plus his job is very very active and he works long hours, but it's given me 'the ick' slightly (hate that phrase normally but seems appropriate)

Is there any point trying to continue? Do slow burn physical relationships ever work? (I have no complaints about the sex by the way but again it just feels very polite compared to what I'm used to in a new relationship!)

He is not nice. He is, in the words of Lena Dunham, ‘seemingly nice’.

Into the sea with him.

He sounds like a workaholic with poor self care and he’s already telling you how you could have surgery to increase your physical appeal to him. That would be a no from me.

I personally couldn’t be with anyone skinny.
I just wouldn’t be physically attracted to them and I think physical attraction is important.

But if you are a bit attracted to him, then I’d just see how things go.

You could end up falling in love with each or realise that the spark is just not there.

I’d give it another 2-4weeks.

OK, you sound as if you have terrible taste in men, and it’s just that this guy is awful in a different way to your usual gym bunny style of awful.

Why not end things and find someone you actually fancy, and whose idea of topics of conversation with a new girlfriend isn’t how much more she can inflate her breasts surgically, who remembers to eat and doesn’t work incredibly long hours?

From my experience, you could give it more time to see if it develops further - but if the lust of the first throws of a new relationship aren't there at the start, it rarely works out. Sad but true. That animal magnetism makes it or breaks it for me.