Would you go back to the hobby group after this confusion?

[giveup00]

I would be very grateful for your advice . I'm not very experienced with relationships - cared for my father for over 20 years until he died. With that and work I just didn't have time. So I'm not very familiar with how things can go.

After my father's death I started a hobby. Every fortnight I would meet up with those interested in the hobby. It was great for the first few months- expensive (I travel a long distance to go) but I made lots of friends, just what I needed. Then after a couple of months a guy, about 15 years older than me and not much to look at/notice, started chatting. I didnt think anything of it at first - he was a bit sarcastic and not especially warm. Asked what had made me join now and not at a younger age. I explained about my Dad and he seemed to soften. over the next few months we would chat every fortnight, he shared lots of personal information about himself , his life, family and health issues. I hought he was friendly and liked him then one night after the hobby we all went for a drink and I thought he was perhaps flirting, catching my eye, stroking my nose etc The next time we linked arms, then on another occasion he held my hand and last time we saw each other, again after a few drinks, he asked whether I had a partner, said he loved me 'but not in a weird way' etc...I didnt say anything.

The next day he messaged the group what's app complaining of a hangover but also mentioning going on a holiday with his wife!!! I know I am being ridiculous nothing happened but feel a bit shocked and hurt that he didnt say anything before. I know it's ridiculous nothing happened but we shared a lot of personal information - my mistake I know but it was over months and I was very cautious to start with.

We are due to go back to the hobby soon (I have two years left on the contract) - I am dreading it and wondering whether to stop going. We are a relatively small group of 10 so any awkwardness/change in normal patterns of behaviour will be noticeable - but maybe there wont be any. Nothing happened- other I suppose than I developed feelings for him but I suppose I should just get over that but I dont know if it will be too awkward to return. WWYD? What should I learn from this to make sure it doesn't happen again?

Thank you so much for all your responses. I am sorry for not responding sooner I have been in work. The 'hobby' is sports related - I am in the second year of a three year contract. It's only a very small group so didn't want to say too much in case it was exposing but no big secret. apologies if that is annoying.

I am grateful for all your advice and the links. I will follow up on them. I suppose I was worried that I had allowed myself to be flattered by someone and had inadvertently avoided signs that I should have been aware of. I think it is clear that if he had been single and interested it wouldn't have gone on for so long without a request to meet outside of the hobby (and not just in a bar) . I haven't dated or done anything much other than work or caring for my Dad for so long I am afraid I may have forgotten how it all works. On reflection what worries me a little was how someone who I initially didnt really notice (and if I did it wasnt really in a complementary way) was able to draw me in/appealed. Slightly embarrassingly I did look forward to seeing him, the attention of someone appearing to be interested in me and sharing details of their lives It made me feel excited and hopeful which I haven't felt for years, I know it was all fake and so I need to refocus but at least hopefully I may be a little wiser.

I haven't really seen him flirt with other women in the group (although I am sure he would)- I did look out for it. But regardless it doesn't really matter I will be distant and focus on others in the group. Hopefully it won't be too awkward.

Thanks again for all your support and encouragement.

Go back to the hobby group and consider telling a few members in the group who like you .What this man did

He is bang out of order. I bet he will try again with other women and new members.

😳