Partner mentioned an interest in sadism and I feel uneasy

[Cabiwoca]

Relatively new relationship (3 months). I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so happy although I have some problems that I am still working through, which he is aware of and agreed to give me space for. Maybe not the point but I didn’t want to drip feed.

He mentioned an interest in sadism this weekend, which I honestly cannot comprehend at all and which I am not happy to engage with. He seemed fine with it and said that he just hadn’t wanted to keep this hidden. We obviously talked about it for a bit but I’m still thinking that it’s pretty messed up and that no sane person would be interested in anything like this but maybe I’m being judgemental.

Is this something that people just talk about, because to me this is not a “normal” thing to be interested in and it worries me a bit. I understand that people have kinks and I never thought I’d mind but i immediately felt so uneasy.

I personally don’t have much of an issue with it (depending on the degree it goes to) but I also wouldn’t continue this relationship for the simple reason that if you’re not into it, you’re never going to change, and if he’s into it, he’ll also never change. It’s already a lose-lose situation.

He’ll either pretend he’s okay with you not engaging and try to erode your boundaries or eventually he’ll seek it elsewhere.

If you think deriving pleasure from someone else’s pain is in any way normal, think again.
He has shown you who he is - believe him.
I am not sure what’s going on for you but things can’t be that bad that you would stay in this.
He is literally told you he enjoys others suffering, so now that includes you.
If you stay with this man he will enjoy watching you suffer.

Well, you know know and it can't be unknown. 🚩 Time to call it a day.

Baby steps.
He's sounding you out.
Won't be the last time he mentions this.

Dump him yesterday.

It sounds as as though he is testing the water OP. Getting you used to the idea.
No doubt if you continue the relationship it will be brought up with increasing regularity with a view to pressuring you into practices he is interested in.

Personally I wouldn't want to even know a person who was into sadism, let alone be in a relationship with them.

In the fucking bin, stat.

Did he pull the wings off flies and throw stones at cats as a child?

I can’t understand how hurting another human being is sexually arousing.

It’s a long way from passion.

It will be you he hurts, one day - you know that right?

He's potentially a very dangerous man imo..

Nice of him to mention this now instead of wasting your time. You're obviously not comfortable with it so move on ASAP.

He's not your partner at 3 months and you already have 'problems you are working through'. Please end this now before you are somewhere you don't want to be.

Run

1. you have know him theee months. He isnt your partner. You calling him your partner is making this more than it is in your head. He is someone you have just recently met.
2. he has just told you he will hurt you and you dont know what to do means that you need therapy, not a boyfriend.

Exactly. And he'll want you to submit to it.

To paraphrase Gail Dines, a man who can maintain an erection while hurting a woman, is not a good man

Run like the wind, seriously

“I’m sexually aroused when inflicting pain on women”.

Bye.

Sadism can wear many guises.
Doesn't have to involve physical pain.
Humiliation, control and emotional pain can fit the bill.
OP, don't hang around to find out.

Run. As fast as you fucking can. You have been warned. Listen.

Get rid on his way there's the door bang your own head in it on the way out

That little feeling of discomfort you have will go away if you ignore this.

Yes a testing of the waters. And also, you assume his taste is simply connected to sex. That is not an assumption you can make.

Feeling uncomfortable is how he likes you to feel.

Dating is a discovery phase. I think you have discovered enough, don’t you?

If you aren't careful he will brainwash you into thinking it's normal