New “partner”

[Flowerforme30]

i divorced a couple of years ago and recently have been meeting with an old friend, we go out regularly, spend time and each others houses, have sex, even spent the whole weekend at his a couple of weeks ago BUT the thing is I don’t know what we are….i know im not seeing anyone else and wouldn’t want to but could he be? I’m going to ask him but how would I bring the conversation up.

This exactly 👌

Yeah, this. I get having recreational sex - nothing wrong with it between consenting adults - but I think it's weird you can be long time friends and sexually intimate and not know how to initiate a conversation about the nature of your relationship. What the hell do you talk about as friends if there is not a level of emotional honesty there?

@Flowerforme30 You have to ask us that? 🤦‍♀️

Sounds like you're going out, and in a low key relationship.

I disagree with the FWB contents, it sounds like you’re doing a lot more than having sex. You spend time together, text regularly, go out etc. to me this is the early stages of dating.

It’s hard For us to know though where you stand. You’ve been together three months now. Do you have romantic chat? Does he tell you he likes you? Is there affection? Do you talk about a future together?

I’ve never heard of something so silly in my life… it’s has nothing to do with possession and all to do with health and safety.

he literally could be sticking his pencil in someone else’s anus in the morning and come and stick the same pencil in your mouth or private parts in the afternoon.
it’s disgusting and something to be discussed as soon as you start sleeping with somebody.
Looking after your own personal health and safety is not being possessive.

Face to face for this conversation. You'll be needing to gauge his responses, clarify your meaning and be clear you understand is replies.

Doing this via text is highly inadvisable, in my view.

Attunement is what you're trying to achieve in order to really be clear and get a good understanding of what is happening between you. That can only be done in the physical presence of the other person.

Have the conversation to establish what you're both looking for. Advice I've seen is to highlight the things you enjoy about your relationship, and what you're looking for long term, and he does the same. The bits you agree on are the relationship you have (or could have). I know people who started as fuckbuddies and are now married, it's all about where you go from here :-) Good luck

What makes it that exactly just because they only meet in the weekend? Otherwise other parts constitute what a relationship could be.

How about-
Hey, I’ve really enjoyed what we’ve been building, and I wanted to check in about something. Are you seeing this as exclusive right now, or are you still dating other people?
Or-
I feel like we’ve gotten pretty close lately, and I realized I’m not totally sure where we stand. I’d love to know how you see us — are we exclusive?

Keep it light, maybe give yourself time to reflect on the answer before having any huge conversations. Same for them- maybe say don’t have to answer straight away but be good to know where this is heading, if anywhere. Best of luck.

Ask open question, e.g how do you see this thing we have moving along? What does good look like for you? Pace? And you need to have your own answers to the question. Also why the rush, give it another couple of months especially if you’re enjoying yourself and not interested in seeing anyone else.

So in the very early days of seeing my now husband I just said I’m having a fun time, I’m not seeing anyone else and wanted to check you were thinking the same…? Good luck x

Face to face. You want to see his reaction not give him time to think of a less than direct answer.