New “partner”

[Flowerforme30]

i divorced a couple of years ago and recently have been meeting with an old friend, we go out regularly, spend time and each others houses, have sex, even spent the whole weekend at his a couple of weeks ago BUT the thing is I don’t know what we are….i know im not seeing anyone else and wouldn’t want to but could he be? I’m going to ask him but how would I bring the conversation up.

That’s still not a partner though? It’s early stages of a relationship?

She's not asking whether it's ok to call him a partner.

Are you prepared for his answer?

What if he says he is seeing other people, or wants to continue to be able to see other people. Would that make a difference to you?

The only thing I think you need to clarify with him is whether you are exclusive. You need to know after 3m he isn't on dating sites or open to other people. Just tell him you are having fun as pp said, and ask him if you're exclusive.
No need to get into anything else yet

I think face to face because if you ask the question and he doesn't answer it leaves you wondering still.

Oh no, don't do that. That definitely sounds like you want to label it. I'd go with the more causal, I'm not seeing other people at the moment, how about you? And then you can move on to, so shall we be exclusive if he seems on board.

Face to face is best. If you want to be exclusive you need to ask if that is what he wants too. Otherwise, you risk being much more invested in your relationship than he is. If he's not as ready to commit as you are you can then make an informed choice how to proceed.

In that case, the person to ask is him, not randoms on mumsnet.

Just wait til you see him, and ask if he thinks it’s going anywhere.

Have the conversation with him & then you'll know.
But knowing blokes he'll get confused & say I thought you were my girlfriend? (Fingers crossed for you!)

Defo face to face so you can see his reaction. If you text he can delay a response and you don't know how the question was received.

Tell him you're really enjoying spending time with him and ask him if he's enjoying things too. See how he responds to that, hopefully positively. Me personally, I'd then say "I know we're not youngsters, but do we have to have chats about exclusivity and such, or do you not see the relationship headed in that direction?" It's been 3 months and I think it's ok to get some clarity before you invest any more time and effort with him.

That is not possessive. For me I would have 3 dates with someone and if I wanted a 4th (and we were sleeping together) I would ask and expect exclusivity. If not then it is not what I am looking for

Face to face lovely. Just do it.

Be clear on what you want (and don’t want) and don’t be afraid of his response.

I am divorced and remarried and new DH an old friend. So after first date I said, I will be your girlfriend but don’t want anything casual. Luckily he was the same so we were aligned.

Engaged after 2 yrs. Married a few years after that.

Thank you so much for all the replies. I am definitely going to have the conversation with him but now I’m thinking what if he thinks we are seeing each other/exclusive and I’ve just not picked up on it. Is this conversation always had? I’ve not dated for so long

Come on, too much angst. Just speak to him!

It’s entirely possible he thinks you’re exclusive and isn’t used to the conversation about it. So don’t fret too much. But do speak to him.
People do tend to have a chat now to make sure that they’re not just one of many.
There’s some good advice about how to word it and it’ll reassure you that you’re on the same page. Best of luck.

That's a bit judgey, many (most?) people find physical intimacy easier than emotional intimacy. I know I do!

I don't think it's emotionally intimate to know your standing with a person before you consider sleeping with them - it's fairly normal for me. Is it a one night stand, does it have legs, that kind of thing. If you think that's judgey then ok, that's what you think, but I think it's normal! Emotional intimacy is telling people your fears and dreams - not saying: "So is this going anywhere or is it just a bit of fun?" I would call that normal conversation!

Thanks for all the lovely advice on here. I will be having a conversation with him when I see him next

“I just wanted to say that I’m not interested in seeing anyone else and I wondered whether you were on the same page”

I would just be open and honest.

Discuss it face to face, not over the phone.

Easy. This is what I did - I told my partner that I loved his company and that I was also wanting an exclusive relationship. I said that if he didn't feel the same way,, it was cool & we could remain friends. However, I would not want to waste my time in a romantic sense and would look for a new relationship. He said he too wanted to be exclusive, blurted out that he loved me and we both got off the dating apps there and then. And don't start the discussion with "We need to talk". Men run a mile. Just sit him down and ask if you could bring something to his attention and take it from there. Good luck!

You can absolutely do it via text but I would still recommend face to face

This is a very good way of putting it.

@Flowerforme30 Great advice from @Anna1mac ✅