Page 3 | Is my marriage boring or is this life?

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · Yesterday 09:11

Anon657 · 25/05/2026 16:56

I'm honestly just bored. It comes to the weekend and I think here we go again. Is this standard for everyone?

Every weekend, there is no suggestion of what to do. I ALWAYS have to suggest something. My DH openly admits that he doesn't suggest anything because he doesn't really care and will just do what I say. He doesn't particularly enjoy doing whatever we do but he comes along to be with his family.

Most weekends I will go to my DM one morning with our DC and the other we will go to the park/town/soft play. I will spend the rest of the afternoon in the garden with DC. My DH will stay inside watching TV. He also spends part of the morning working out and goes for an hour motorbike ride.

He doesn't want to socialise with other people, he won't let me have people around and he doesn't want to go away on holiday.

To be honest since having children, my DH grates on me. I cannot fault him when it comes to chores. He does the washing up, cooking, and turns on the washing machine and empties it for me to put away. I do the parenting, getting dressed, lunchboxes, bath time, bedtime, getting bag ready for the day. Truly I'm exhausted and I have told my DH many times. For context we have a 11 month old and 25 month old. I'm a stay at home mum. my DH goes on about sex all the time and I really can't be bothered. We probably have it 3xmonth. I know that's not much but since having children I just don't care for it. Is this a normal phase people go through while parenting young ones? Am I expecting too much? I open to criticism here!

"my DH goes on about sex all the time"

This is coercive, and if you give into it, it is unwanted consensual sex at best and coercive rape at worst.

He is NOT owed sex EVER, whether you're married, have fucked thousands of times previously, have agreed to a set schedule at some point, or he really really wants it.

And if he harasses you to have sex by repeatedly initiating without respect for your signals and he sulks, pouts, or gets shitty and punishing with you and/or the kids and/or your family when he is refused, that is coercive sexual abuse.

Never have sex you don't want, it's bad for your mental health and extremely counterproductive in a relationship.

Meekinheritance · Yesterday 10:38

Financially it would take any money I earnt and some of my DH if the DC went to nursery

They are both of your children so childcare costs are shared. It should not be all your salary spent on childcare and he just mops up what is left over.

canisquaeso · Yesterday 15:09

Meekinheritance · Yesterday 08:11

Thing is, making a marriage work is not just down to one person. He has to want it to work too. I’m older than you, so I now know quite a few SAHMs who got ditched by their H’s once the kids had grown. These men had a long time to plan it and hide as many assets as they can.

You also say it’s his choice not to buy a house. I have a friend who was in a marriage like that. She was always a SAHM, never worked, H always chose to rent not buy. He had an affair and ditched her ( once the kids had left home), she got literally nothing in the divorce and he went on to buy with his mistress ( now girlfriend) . She is now in her 60s and exhausted from working as a self employed cleaner and panicking about whether she will earn enough to pay rent each month.

So when the kids are in school I would urge you to go back full time. You need to have money to support yourself if it comes to that. Even if it’s when the kids are grown. A lonely life and having sex with a man you don’t like is not one to become trapped in. If you struggle to have sex with him now, it’s not going to be easier once you are in menopause.

So yes build up a social like separate from him and your own life outside of him, but build up your financial independence too.

I do completely understand about the cost. The ridiculous housing costs and cost of living are trapping many in unhappy marriages. But you do need to think long term so you are not trapped for life.

And given the cost of renting, I’d be suspicious of his refusal to buy. That’s not a sensible choice.

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I know far too many cases like this to ever think being a SAHM is a good idea. Unless you have very secure provisions in place, all I hear is alarm bells.

My aunt never worked at the request of my uncle, only for him to cheat on her when they were in their 50s. Her saving grace was that they had 2 houses to split and then the care home she volunteered at gave her a contract, just enough that she managed to be able to claim pension later on.

Then there’s my other country, in a foreign country with a man she’s not married to, who refuses to buy property and she doesn’t even so much have her own bank account. He double checks all receipts so she can’t even squirrel money away. It’s no way to live and I’ll forever be explaining to her it’s abuse, even. She has nothing to her name after 20+ years together, her life is picking up after him and their child.

shhblackbag · Yesterday 15:13

He won't let me have people around and he doesn't want to go away on holiday.

No one should control your life in this way. It's so wrong.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · Yesterday 15:19

he won't let me have people around

It's your house too. Why does he get to choose?

clearlyy · Yesterday 15:24

DP is like this. We have no children (he’s just told me he might or might not want them…) and it’s always me that has plans or ideas of things to do. He’s perfectly happy to sit indoors, pottering about, on his computer - but not for playing games he’s doing freelance developing atm so actively doing something productive - but I want to be out. I want to go for meals, I’ve started hiking, I want to see the countryside, so I am. I’m more social so I see my friends. I love him, and he loves me, but we lead hugely different lives.

DP works from home so does the washing and cleaning so I don’t have to come home and do it. It’s me that wants more sex he’s okay with once or twice a week. He’s got his head stuck in stuff whereas I want to be doing something constantly. I want quality time not sitting watching telly.

I’ve basically told him if he doesn’t buck up, I’m leaving. I don’t feel like I have a partner now. I want to go on holiday, he’s not arsed. I honestly feel like they’re like this because they’re depressed but refuse to or are unable to talk about it.

my friends tell me this is normal, it’s okay to have different lives. I don’t think it is normal, I want someone who wants what I want and who wants to do things as a couple. I’ve been told I’m expecting too much. I want to be with him so I’ll just do whatever I want and if he feels left out that’s on him. He’s been told.

Meekinheritance · Yesterday 15:41

canisquaeso · Yesterday 15:09

I know far too many cases like this to ever think being a SAHM is a good idea. Unless you have very secure provisions in place, all I hear is alarm bells.

My aunt never worked at the request of my uncle, only for him to cheat on her when they were in their 50s. Her saving grace was that they had 2 houses to split and then the care home she volunteered at gave her a contract, just enough that she managed to be able to claim pension later on.

Then there’s my other country, in a foreign country with a man she’s not married to, who refuses to buy property and she doesn’t even so much have her own bank account. He double checks all receipts so she can’t even squirrel money away. It’s no way to live and I’ll forever be explaining to her it’s abuse, even. She has nothing to her name after 20+ years together, her life is picking up after him and their child.

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Your relative abroad is trapped though. If the country she is in is in The Hague convention she won’t be able to leave and take her child unless her husband consents. Or at least she will have a legal battle on her hand to do so. That’s desperately sad. My heart breaks for The Hague Mothers.

Original poster

Anon657 · Yesterday 17:22

@Meekinheritance thank you for your reply. This is exactly what I'm scared of and have always been even before DH. I always wanted financial independence, I always wanted to buy a flat before having a child, I always kept pushing to buy a house with DH but he never had any savings. I felt my biological clock ticking and really wanted a baby and my plans to be financially independent just kind of disappeared, but I have always been scared that something like this could happen. Thank you for sharing your friends situation. It has opened my eyes, and made me think I do need to look at this again, just in case, as you never know what the future holds.

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Original poster

Anon657 · Yesterday 17:28

@clearlyy From my own experience, people don't change, so if they do like to potter around and you like to go out and do things, the reality is it probably won't change.

I understand people who say its fine to do things separately. Of course it is, but not all the time. In the long term, in my experience, it does start to affect your relationship. You want to share these experiences with the one you love.

Just some of my thoughts.

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ChamonixMountainBum · Yesterday 17:28

Sounds a bit crap to be honest OP.

We both compete in the same sport so we spend a lot of time training together down the same club and much of our social life is in and around the sport scene. We also make an effort with date nights and meeting up with other friends independently. I would be horrified if I found myself bored in my marriage.