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5 years in & neither partner nor his oldest BF have ever organised for me to meet BF’s family ….

94 replies

KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 17:37

This is a funny one. And I do KNOW that the fault lies largely with my OH.

So, my DP & I - v late 40s are together nearly 5 years. He’s got a small friendship group of 3 friends from his home town - who don’t live near us - that we’ve stayed with / they’ve stayed with us. One couple largely because the wife and I organised it. .. but all good.

My DP is my his own admission just really crap at organising social stuff with both friends and his family. I’m ok with that.

He does however have his truly “best” friend - since they were 5, he was his best man etc etc. I have only met this guy twice - essentially in “passing”. We got on well, all seemed fine.

For the last 18months, we have lived less than an hour from the friend and his family (they have younger kids). Essentially we moved to their part of the country. I am SO hurt that we as a couple have never once been invited to their home. I have never met his wife or his kids.

Clearly they could come here. But when I mentioned OP organising that he says oh it’s harder for them to go places with young kids. He sees the friend pretty often - at the friends behest. He invites my partner over to do a hobby that he and his kid enjoy. Last time he went in March I did express how utterly bizarre and quite hurtful it was that after 4.5yrs I had yet to be invited to meet X and his family. He agreed and said X has mentioned us coming over for dinner etc he’d get a date in the diary.

Yet here we are another few months down the line and I’m sat here like a lemon on a bank holiday whilst he’s out in the countryside with this friend.

I know this is an OH issue but my friends would be mortified to be in the same position. We’ve been invited to the country houses of them - a very wide group that has extended every warmth and hospitality to him. Pisses me right off I must say. Just rude. By them both.

OP posts:
KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 17:43

Just as a follow up - I’d guess the BF very much enjoyed my partner being single (which he was for quite a few years prior to us meeting) and available on his terms. Some people don’t like the change in the status quo.
He is also very sociable and has a large home etc etc. so not that.

OP posts:
PoppinjayPolly · 24/05/2026 17:46

so you live together and he’s not had any friends to the house or just this friend?

KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 17:47

PoppinjayPolly · 24/05/2026 17:46

so you live together and he’s not had any friends to the house or just this friend?

We’ve hosted his other friends & partners yes. And his family.

OP posts:
redskyAtNigh · 24/05/2026 17:49

It wouldn't particularly bother me. But then I'm not particularly interested in socialising for the sake of socialising. DH and I have been together for nearly 30 years and we very rarely socialise at a couple - only very big events like weddings or such like. We both have friends that the other one has never met.

It sounds as though your DP mainly sees his friend due to their mutual hobby. And you're the only one that's interested in socialising as couples/families, which is why it hasn't happened.

raceisacolour · 24/05/2026 17:50

I would be annoyed too

KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 17:54

redskyAtNigh · 24/05/2026 17:49

It wouldn't particularly bother me. But then I'm not particularly interested in socialising for the sake of socialising. DH and I have been together for nearly 30 years and we very rarely socialise at a couple - only very big events like weddings or such like. We both have friends that the other one has never met.

It sounds as though your DP mainly sees his friend due to their mutual hobby. And you're the only one that's interested in socialising as couples/families, which is why it hasn't happened.

I get that.

One of the reasons why we moved to this area was proximity of this friend. I guess I envisaged whilst they would continue to do their hobby - as of course they should - at some point I’d meet his family.

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KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 17:56

raceisacolour · 24/05/2026 17:50

I would be annoyed too

I just find it bizarre. For example, if we got married we’d of course invite this man and his wife. But how strange to say - oh first time I’ve ever met you (to the wife).

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ForTipsyFinch · 24/05/2026 17:58

This really wouldn’t bother me, I don’t think I would have any real need to socialise with friend and his family. I think it’s healthy to have friends outside the relationship tbh. But your view is clearly different so I would speak to him about it.

Teaandjaffa · 24/05/2026 18:00

Not sure I would be SO hurt - DH has friends I’ve never met, I have friends he’s never met. We also have joint friends. I don’t even think twice about it to be honest!

FlapperFlamingo · 24/05/2026 18:06

It wouldn’t bother me. Especially if you’re not involved in whatever hobby they have together. What makes you so keen to social with them?

EveryKneeShallBow · 24/05/2026 18:09

Not sure it would even cross my mind. I have friends who never met my late husband and we were married for 40 years.

KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 18:15

FlapperFlamingo · 24/05/2026 18:06

It wouldn’t bother me. Especially if you’re not involved in whatever hobby they have together. What makes you so keen to social with them?

I guess it’s just how my large friendship group operates. We are not English and find English people sometimes a little cold & odd … and this I find is an example.

So in the large number of couples in my friendship group by and large I do things with the one in the couples that was my original friend. We often meet up one on one - or in groups without “ other halves”. I do lots of stuff on my own and am very happy to do so. Did so when I was married and now that I am in a “new” relationship.

But every so often we go to stay with these couples Or there is a larger event to which couples go.

The point being that every single one of my friends (even ones that live a short flight away) have met my partner. And had done so within the first year of us meeting.

I can’t comprehend a situation in which my oldest closest friend moved an hour away from me, and I didn’t think to have the partner and my friend round.

It’s not the fact that it’s “a friend”. It’s the fact that it’s his oldest friend I think.

OP posts:
KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 18:16

Maybe it’s a male / female thing 🤣

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 24/05/2026 18:16

You could always extend an invitation- it would be for them to decide whether it would be practical for them or not.

Or maybe your boyfriend isn’t interested in mixing you & them.

Notonthestairs · 24/05/2026 18:18

I don’t think you are in a position to complain about the other couples lack of invitations when you haven’t extend one yourself.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/05/2026 18:19

Maybe his wife can't stand your partner and has absolutely nixed any invitations because she already has to put up with her husband buggering off with him any time there's a danger of him having to spend time with his own children .

KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 18:21

Notonthestairs · 24/05/2026 18:18

I don’t think you are in a position to complain about the other couples lack of invitations when you haven’t extend one yourself.

I’ve made it very clear to my partner that they are welcome here. I’ve suggested kid friendly stuff. One of the kids is ND and he seems to think that prevents them. But certainly it would be my partner that would need to extend the invitation ….

OP posts:
Somethingbland · 24/05/2026 18:23

There could be any number of reasons OP.
Perhaps as they have been best friends for virtually all their lives then they know an awful lot about each other. They know the skeletons in each other's cupboards.
So perhaps your DP doesnt want you to to socialise with his friend and wife because you might find out stuff he'd rather you didnt k ow about

KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 18:23

NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/05/2026 18:19

Maybe his wife can't stand your partner and has absolutely nixed any invitations because she already has to put up with her husband buggering off with him any time there's a danger of him having to spend time with his own children .

One of the kids goes with them. It’s very much the friend his kid plus my partner. That may be part of the issue. This is how he wants the friendship to be.

OP posts:
KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 18:25

Somethingbland · 24/05/2026 18:23

There could be any number of reasons OP.
Perhaps as they have been best friends for virtually all their lives then they know an awful lot about each other. They know the skeletons in each other's cupboards.
So perhaps your DP doesnt want you to to socialise with his friend and wife because you might find out stuff he'd rather you didnt k ow about

lol I like this theory. I want to know the goss!!

id be very interested to know whether my DPs ex (they were together 8 years) also never met them

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NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/05/2026 18:29

KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 18:23

One of the kids goes with them. It’s very much the friend his kid plus my partner. That may be part of the issue. This is how he wants the friendship to be.

What happens to the boring/little/not a son/not sporty one? Stays with Mum so she never has a break whilst the three of them do the all boys together/cycling/rockclimbing/canoeing/fishing bonding?

MyAutumnCrow · 24/05/2026 18:29

KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 18:25

lol I like this theory. I want to know the goss!!

id be very interested to know whether my DPs ex (they were together 8 years) also never met them

Ask him?

About this, though, @KidsDoBetter:

One of the reasons why we moved to this area was proximity of this friend.

I just cannot really get my head around this. Why are you bending over backwards for this bromance?

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 24/05/2026 18:32

I would be upset if my partner were away every weekend with a hobby (whoever it was with) - but it wouldn't bother me to not have been invited to any friend's house. Quite happy amusing myself and amusing myself with my friends/family/partner.

KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 18:33

MyAutumnCrow · 24/05/2026 18:29

Ask him?

About this, though, @KidsDoBetter:

One of the reasons why we moved to this area was proximity of this friend.

I just cannot really get my head around this. Why are you bending over backwards for this bromance?

I’m not bending over backwards at all. I really wanted to move here. And love it here.

They don’t see each other super often. I think it’s more it’s become a point of principle thing you know?

There have been times when we’ve been driving down near their house and I’ve thought wow would you not just call and pop in to say hi. Odd.

OP posts:
KidsDoBetter · 24/05/2026 18:35

NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/05/2026 18:29

What happens to the boring/little/not a son/not sporty one? Stays with Mum so she never has a break whilst the three of them do the all boys together/cycling/rockclimbing/canoeing/fishing bonding?

I genuinely think they have a divide and conquer parenting system from what little I know. Which I’m not unfamiliar with having a ND DD - who is now a YA

OP posts: