My strangest expierence with a female - what was that?

[PabThePablo]

So that girl starts messaging me first: in general she talks a lot about failed relationships and having zero interest in dating (she’s been hurt), she even shows me how she shuts down guys who hit on her + she strongly keeps things in the “just friends” frame with me (I was cool with it).
Then she starts texting me LITERALLY every day – sharing her day, asking A LOT about me. We did have great chemistry (text-wise), but I didn’t like it – it was too much for “friends”. I try to pull away from it, and she chases.
I was like… we do have a good chemistry. Maybe “I don’t date” is just a safety thing? So here I go…

First I send her a Christmas gift (to see if she’d even give me her personal details since it’s an online friendship — NO PROBLEM, she loved it), then I introduce flirting — SHE HERSELF KEEPS ESCALATING IT, then I invite her to a casual “getting to know each other” meetup — SHE AGREES IMMEDIATELY (2 hours drive on her behalf).

It looked amazing until… a week before the meetup, “her depression gets worse,” we cancel it, and I let it go. I was very suspicious about timing so I was like “maybe I should back off”. And so I did. She starts chasing again, but she doesn’t bring up meeting up at all. I gently bring up the meetup again — once again, immediately she says: “Yeah, we can do that :3”

A week later, when there’s finally room to actually meet, she suddenly pulls back hard and starts a slow fade (after 2 months of daily contact). She stops initiating and, while still being nice, dynamics shifts drastically. She’s out and so am I.

What in the world was that? It’s like she was super interested through text, but a simple coffee date was way too much. I know for a fact that she’s not taken or actively dating (I tried to investigate).

Tinder-related group on facebook.

She’s flaky, don’t waste any more of your time.
she might be married. She might be a 50 year old man. Whatever, I’d walk away.

If they started off our first conversation specifically telling me they aren't interested then no matter how complimentary they were I would chalk it up to them just being friendly. Unless they told me otherwise.

By the sounds of her I would think she was too full on and backed off personally regardless of what she wanted from me. But when you ignore the red flags the inevitably come back to bite you on the ass unfortunately.

Just block her.

Yeah, learned my lesson.

For the third time. You were catfished. You have absolutely no evidence this ‘woman’ existed and some strong evidence she didn’t. Sorry you’re lonely but you need to savvy up.

No, I wasn't it. She has like 100 photos and I know a girl who knows her personally. Also, she told me where she works and her name is on their website with the photo ;)

OP if you’re going to be dating or looking for a partner, you’re going to have to build a much thicker skin (I mean, become far more resilient). People are entitled to change their minds whenever they want, and they don’t have to give a reason. This sort of thing is very common.

The use of ‘female’ is a problem in this context because red pill and incel spaces use female instead of woman, often in posts like this questioning the behaviour of women. Particularly women who have rejected them.

To be fair, anyone can take pictures off one page, stick them on another and use her name.
And anyone could know the real person, but that doesn't mean its who you are talking to.

Was there ever an official social media page (verified) that she spoke to you from?. Or did she ever chat to you over video?

And this girl who knows her....anyway way she could BE her?

OK maybe that's just watching too much mtv catfish but... you never know.

I'm no incel and I don't watch red pill-related content ;)

'It messes with my head really badly'

In what way?

She enjoys flirting/texting but for whatever reason isn’t ready for a real life physical interaction.
There could be so many reasons for this.. Shyness/insecurity/just likes online attention/married with kids, who knows and who cares, stop wasting your time.

You have not met her in person.

She is not real

Just because the person exists does not mean that’s the person you were talking to. As I say, you need to wise up or you’ll be in for a lot more of this type of encounter

Ring her work number and I bet the woman there will have no clue who you are.

Im sorry you are lonely.

She is not a real person and is on a long con. She is probably a bloke called Kevin living in his mums basement.

Dont give your heart away so easily you deserve better

She wants your company at arms length. She's in control that way. When I was younger, I had people online that I could spend all day talking too, lots of laughs and great chemistry. But not a chance would I want them in my personal space, due to anxiety and PTSD. She's showing you how much she's willing to offer you, her online persona. Not herself in real life, don't expect anything more than an online companion. She's not a potential girlfriend so it's up to you how much you want to invest in her.

It’s important to remember that she owes you nothing. She is entirely within her rights to withdraw from a meeting, and the relationship at any time for any reason.

As are you.

Lord don't though!

It doesn't matter anyway.

Don't let it take up any more head space OP.

What a load of gibberish. Try Reddit.

She liked the attention she received from you and your conversation was something to keep her busy in day to day life but when it came down to crunch time she realised she didn’t actually want anything from you in real life.

She was using you for her own emotional comfort. Ditch her and move on. Don’t spend so long just speaking to someone next time. You either meet to see if there’s an actual connection or you move on.

Dear Men and Women,

Thank you for your input on this matter.

Catfish theories scared the sh*it out of me and I'll invastigate her!

I'll invastigate as I shared a lot about my life with her. I'm scared as hell right now.

I’d be inclined to send her a message on a verified social media account if there is one. One where you can see multiple friends or family have been responding for years (so not an account where only guys are commenting on her pictures or something like that).

“Is this someone pretending to be you? (link to fake profile) Hey sorry to disturb but have I been talking to you on xyz? Or is someone using your pictures and pretending?”

The initial line has to capture her attention or she won’t read it.

She might not see it or respond anyway but worth a try and if I was her I’d want to know if someone was pretending to be me and talking to people.

You’ll investigate her? Leave her alone.