DH and I have been married 5 years, together 7. I have a son who is now 14, and was 7 when he first met my husband. He rarely sees his own Dad (he lives abroad and moved there when I was pregnant) and considers my DH his dad and calls him as such - they are very close and usually dote on each other.
Sorry for the background, I don’t know what’s relevant or not and don’t want to drip feed.
DH and I have had a rocky few months as I have felt unsuppprted by him over something that is a big deal to me. I can go into detail on that too if needed, but I don’t want to derail the thread. While it’s been rocky, we are steady and it’s not been awful, just that we have had more little arguments and it’s not been as smooth as usual.
On Sunday we had an argument, and I left the house to go meet a friend (preplanned) without it being resolved. I came back in the house after this and DH silently got up and left the room (clearly blanking me) DS was in his bedroom at this point so totally unaware. I thought sod this and got back in my car and left to get my nails done and go for a coffee.
All hell has then broken loose. DS starts texting me saying DH is incredibly angry and shouting and I shouldn’t come home as it will make it worse. He then texts again begging me to make it better, and then sends a follow up text saying “well now I know the truth, DH has just told me you are getting divorced” I am trying to reassure DS and calm things while trying to get out of nail salon and get home.
i messaged DH and said you are scaring DS please calm down, and he replies calling me an evil cunt…… so that escalated hugely. I replied saying he had massively crossed a line for me bringing DS into things, that it was one thing us arguing and another entirely to tell DS we were divorcing (which was news to me!) and basically do it in a way that hurt him on purpose so it hurt me.
I come home and DH has apologised to DS for scaring him, he’s then much calmer and has apologised to me and says he will “fix it”, but I am struggling massively with this whole incident.
My gut instinct wants him no where near us, I feel like I can’t trust him with DS - I can’t believe he would use him to hurt me, I can’t believe he would purposefully hurt him. DS is begging me to let it go, saying he has apologised and he’s fine. Is there a way to move forward from this? I’m seeing my counsellor on Friday but I am gutted and am backwards and forwards trying to reason my way through this. All the trust has gone between us.
Can anyone help me make sense of this? I’m at work so if there’s a delay in replying I’m not ignoring the thread I promise.