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Original poster

Random midnight phone call

82 replies

zebrawebra · 19/05/2026 18:26

Been seeing someone for a few months, both agreed we are not talking to anyone else. I have trust issues anyway so what follows is something that has set me off.

Stayed over at his on Friday and the phone goes at midnight, random number. It tries about 2 or 3 times. A voicemail is left. I said someone is phoning you (we were about to go to sleep) he checked it and I said are you not going to answer? He said no I don't answer random numbers (to be fair neither do I, but it was midnight, part of me would be curious). I asked who is it? He said I don't know. Then went back to cuddling me. I could hear him listening to a voicemail and it was a woman's voice saying "hi" in a happy way then trailed off. I wriggled away and he asked what's wrong? I said random women aren't phoning me in the middle of the night, are you sure it's nothing? He said well random women don't phone me either, I just don't like to answer unknown numbers and I've been bothered by another one earlier today. I said so to be clear you're not giving your number out to other girls? He said no, you don't need to worry with me.

do you think it checks out? Like I said it's already hard to trust. Nothing else has made me really doubt his trustworthiness, I just feel like I'm on high alert. I'd appreciate some thoughts on this.

OP posts:
Poorluce · 19/05/2026 19:39

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Original poster
zebrawebra · 19/05/2026 19:42

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 19/05/2026 19:38

Do he won't let you listen to it.

I wouldn't trust him.

Show quote history

He didn't know I was actively listening

OP posts:
Poorluce · 19/05/2026 19:43

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Original poster
zebrawebra · 19/05/2026 19:45

@Poorluce your post was removed?

OP posts:
Original poster
zebrawebra · 19/05/2026 19:48

Any votes for me bringing it up one last time? He's said himself people can be horrible. Are people really that disappointing?

OP posts:
lostinchaos · 19/05/2026 20:03

I doubt it’s an ex as the number would be saved in his phone, but he had a life before you and that could include enthusiastic women looking for a booty call! But what matters is how he acts now… he ignored the call and has given you no other reasons to distrust him. I would let this go… he is with you because he wants to be. Don’t push him away because you can’t deal with his past and are questioning every woman who crosses his path. Obviously if there are things you haven’t mentioned or he repeatedly received calls at midnight from other women that might change things, but for now I would be inclined to let it go and trust him.

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 19/05/2026 20:07

zebrawebra · 19/05/2026 19:42

He didn't know I was actively listening

Show quote history

Why didn't you ask him what the voicemail said?

He admitted it was a random number so it wouldn't have been personal so he should have let you listen to it.

If he won't let you listen to it then I wouldn't trust him.

CoyGoldenKoi · 19/05/2026 20:27

Thing is... If it were me, if it was a random person, or a friend where there was nothing going on calling me, then your sensitivity to this and repeated questioning when I've already reassured you would put me right off and I'd probably finish with you anyway. I don't want to have to keep calming someone down about things which are in fact innocent, it's deeply wearisome and I don't want to be in a relationship without trust, especially not after just a few months.

If it came up as an unknown number, it's unlikely to be someone he's interested in, because he would have saved their number if he were, even if it were under a false name (no-one memorises people's numbers these days). Maybe it was someone he knew before and deleted from his contacts - so not interested any more.

And if he is talking to someone else or cheating, he's not going to admit it, so he'll lie anyway.

I think either you need to take a deep breath, remind yourself that it's your ex that was untrustworthy, not him, and let this go (whilst being normal levels of aware for the future), or, if you bring it up with him again, you need to accept that it might well cause the end of the relationship, regardless of whether it's innocent or not.

I also strongly disagree with those saying he should let you listen to the voicemail. I value my privacy, and any partner asking to listen to my voicemail, read my messages etc, would be a giant red flag for them being insecure and controlling, and I would not allow it, and break up with them if they insisted. Even more so with a partner of just a few months.

ididabigfatsmelly · 19/05/2026 20:32

I would have to ask him again

PinkEasterbunny · 19/05/2026 20:32

lostinchaos · 19/05/2026 20:03

I doubt it’s an ex as the number would be saved in his phone, but he had a life before you and that could include enthusiastic women looking for a booty call! But what matters is how he acts now… he ignored the call and has given you no other reasons to distrust him. I would let this go… he is with you because he wants to be. Don’t push him away because you can’t deal with his past and are questioning every woman who crosses his path. Obviously if there are things you haven’t mentioned or he repeatedly received calls at midnight from other women that might change things, but for now I would be inclined to let it go and trust him.

This is good advice

HappyToSmile · 19/05/2026 20:34

I would be careful not to push him away with your anxiety.
However, you are not going to rest until you ask him again. So just ask him.
Fwiw, I imagine it is Not someone else he is also seeing, but someone he knows from his past.

Itiswhysofew · 19/05/2026 20:37

He didn't just say who it was & why the late call?

HappiestSleeping · 19/05/2026 20:38

PinkEasterbunny · 19/05/2026 20:32

This is good advice

Show quote history

It could have just been a complete wrong number.

Cheeble · 19/05/2026 20:41

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JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 19/05/2026 20:42

I agree with @CoyGoldenKoi

Imagine the other way around

I met this guy and really like him. He said he has issues trusting women as he's had bad experiences with a past gf. I didn't take much notice as I am not like that. However he's now raised a few very minor things and checked if I'm seeing other guys. I keep saying no, patiently. Then last night some utter randomer rang me twice. Didn't recognise the number so didn't answer ofc! A man I didn't know started leaving a msg. Now my bf has started asking about it repeatedly, effectively accusing me of lying about it, wanting to listen to my msgs. What should I do?

The response would be unanimous, he's controlling, run for the hills, more red flags than Butlin's, don't have baby with him etc etc.

Letsformanallegiance · 19/05/2026 20:45

This has happened twice to me in two different relationships. Both were cheating at the time.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 19/05/2026 20:47

Its likely someone from the past or a hook up or something

That isnt your issue, i'm sure. Its the lying. Someone called 3x during the night, it was a woman as you heard a voice

Why isnt he being honest straight away? I'd say - 'okay, this is an ex, shes just wanting to hook up, I will tell her to get to fuck'

Problem solved. But dismissing it and not being clear is weird.

I think that you wont rest until youre clear on what happened. It could be that he was anxious it would come across wrong ??

No advice really, as i wouldn't let it lie, but I am single 😭

Youre not wrong in how you feel, especially given that youve had bad experiences in the past x

shaylla · 19/05/2026 21:02

You can ask again but honestly - what can he do/say that would settle you?

If you don't trust him (no judgement, i'd be sus about this too) you won't trust what he says the second time.

Pearlstillsinging · 19/05/2026 21:13

lostinchaos · 19/05/2026 20:03

I doubt it’s an ex as the number would be saved in his phone, but he had a life before you and that could include enthusiastic women looking for a booty call! But what matters is how he acts now… he ignored the call and has given you no other reasons to distrust him. I would let this go… he is with you because he wants to be. Don’t push him away because you can’t deal with his past and are questioning every woman who crosses his path. Obviously if there are things you haven’t mentioned or he repeatedly received calls at midnight from other women that might change things, but for now I would be inclined to let it go and trust him.

This.
He has told you he it was a random number, what else do you want him to say? Leave it, unless he gives you some other cause for concern. If someone kept asking me about the same call from a random number, I would think they were far too needy to bother with.

moderate · 19/05/2026 21:20

zebrawebra · 19/05/2026 18:26

Been seeing someone for a few months, both agreed we are not talking to anyone else. I have trust issues anyway so what follows is something that has set me off.

Stayed over at his on Friday and the phone goes at midnight, random number. It tries about 2 or 3 times. A voicemail is left. I said someone is phoning you (we were about to go to sleep) he checked it and I said are you not going to answer? He said no I don't answer random numbers (to be fair neither do I, but it was midnight, part of me would be curious). I asked who is it? He said I don't know. Then went back to cuddling me. I could hear him listening to a voicemail and it was a woman's voice saying "hi" in a happy way then trailed off. I wriggled away and he asked what's wrong? I said random women aren't phoning me in the middle of the night, are you sure it's nothing? He said well random women don't phone me either, I just don't like to answer unknown numbers and I've been bothered by another one earlier today. I said so to be clear you're not giving your number out to other girls? He said no, you don't need to worry with me.

do you think it checks out? Like I said it's already hard to trust. Nothing else has made me really doubt his trustworthiness, I just feel like I'm on high alert. I'd appreciate some thoughts on this.

Did she just say “Hi!” and nothing else? If so that’s a pretty standard way for a robocall to start. They wait to hear your response before continuing.

Eaglemom · 19/05/2026 21:24

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 19/05/2026 20:42

I agree with @CoyGoldenKoi

Imagine the other way around

I met this guy and really like him. He said he has issues trusting women as he's had bad experiences with a past gf. I didn't take much notice as I am not like that. However he's now raised a few very minor things and checked if I'm seeing other guys. I keep saying no, patiently. Then last night some utter randomer rang me twice. Didn't recognise the number so didn't answer ofc! A man I didn't know started leaving a msg. Now my bf has started asking about it repeatedly, effectively accusing me of lying about it, wanting to listen to my msgs. What should I do?

The response would be unanimous, he's controlling, run for the hills, more red flags than Butlin's, don't have baby with him etc etc.

Truly though what is more likely?
That he has something to hide or that a random woman calls his phone and leaves a voicemail purely on accident?
Because in all my years of owning a phone I have never received a midnight voicemail from a chirpy bloke with the wrong number.
Much more logical that this is suspicious in my opinion. I would leave him to it OP rather than stay with someone u already have doubts about.
You're never gonna get the honest answer now no matter how many times you ask.
than

BatFinkk · 19/05/2026 21:33

Good god this is a whole lot of aggro for a few months in

you sound very stifling. You’ve been dating him for merely weeks and you’re already asking him for reassurance what sounds like rather frequently. You’d have me running for the hills - it’s really off putting to be so heavy handed so early on

having said that: it does sound like he is talking to other women

so all things considered, I’d throw this one back in the pond and move on. But not until you’re in a place where you’re not having to ask new boyfriends for reassurance

Original poster
zebrawebra · 19/05/2026 21:34

Thanks for your responses everyone.

I've talked to him about it again tonight, brought it up in the middle of a normal conversation. He laughed and said he still didn't have a clue who it was and gets freaked out when random numbers call. I feel as though I can trust him.

I didn't ask to listen to the voicemail so he didn't hide it from me. I can imagine if I did ask he would play it for me.

Yes..I could be wrong, but at this point I choose to trust unless shown otherwise. He has been cheated on himself (told me in a matter of fact way about one of his exes) and would really be a wrong un if he did this to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
zebrawebra · 19/05/2026 21:38

BatFinkk · 19/05/2026 21:33

Good god this is a whole lot of aggro for a few months in

you sound very stifling. You’ve been dating him for merely weeks and you’re already asking him for reassurance what sounds like rather frequently. You’d have me running for the hills - it’s really off putting to be so heavy handed so early on

having said that: it does sound like he is talking to other women

so all things considered, I’d throw this one back in the pond and move on. But not until you’re in a place where you’re not having to ask new boyfriends for reassurance

It's been longer than weeks. It's been several months. I met him in a non romantic capacity almost a year ago.

OP posts:
drunkelephant83 · 19/05/2026 22:21

If I get a weird number call I call back to see if it’s spam OR my iPhone blocks it out first so it doesn’t ring.

failing that I add it to WhatsApp to check the picture.

why would you cut a voicemail off after a ‘hi’ I’d be intrigued at that time of night!