How can I rebuild trust after pornography damaged our relationship?

[YourLoyalCrow]

Im trying too save a relationship that I've screwed up by watching porn. I really really love this woman and I've lost her trust. How can I save the relationship

Does she want to save it?

Not sure, that's a very good question

Let's say she does how do I regain her trust?

What’s with all the porn threads this morning?

I’ll humour you,
1, Why is she against porn? Is she one of those who believes every woman who features in pornographic material is being abused or trafficked? If so there’s absolutely no reasoning with them, just leave and find someone else.

2/3, Has she asked you not to watch it?
Did you go behind her back and watch it or was it the first time this has come up?

4, Do you want to have a life without porn?

If she wants it to work I guess you need to sort your porn addiction out (if it’s that bad).

Some women don’t mind it, but I guess it depends if it’s affecting your sex life with her and what her boundaries are.

It can make women not feel good enough and it can give men an unrealistic expectation of sex.

I guess you have to ask yourself what’s worth more, porn or your partner.

I don't mind and will stop watching it, my question is how do I win her trust back?

Looks like the men woke up early this morning.

"No reasoning with them"

Fuck off.

I think it's the place to start. Knowing if she wants to make it work or not. If she doesn't you need to respect that. Because you've already not respected her position on porn.

If you love her so much, why did you want to watch porn to get off?

I just want her to trust me again I don't want porn in my life I want her! I really love her

Point proven.

Also I’m a woman.

Why didn't you decide that before doing it?

I don't understand

What happened?

Why did you not realise this was a deal breaker sooner?

It isn't a hard concept to understand.

Im sorry I thought I could get some advice on how to save a relationship. I've taken all her feelings and im ashamed of my self as it is. Im trying to fix something that isn't fixable I guess.

You prove it through action, but it may take time and consistency for her to start to rebuild trust.

I mean you’ve not given much context, did she say she’s not ok with it and caught you? Is this a repeating pattern? How does she know?

Zero context given… if you are this obtuse in life, no wonder things are failing.

I think it's her you need to be having this heart to heart with. Nobody can tell you how to fix your own relationship. Nobody on here knows either of you.

You need to articulate you feelings and your commitment to giving up the porn.

If she wants to give if another go then you take it from there.

There wasn't any expectations set down as far as what we need from each other, she went through my history and found where I had been on some sites.

Why was she on your history in the first place? Go to the Winchester for a pint and let it all blow over.

To rebuild trust you have to be trustworthy. Are you? Do you talk honestly about what you did and why you did it? Ave you listening properly to how she feels now? What makes you sure you can stop using porn when the urge comes back - what will you do instead ?
It is possible to rebuild trust but it takes time and commitment, you can't do it quickly.

By letting her access your tech so she can spot check whenever she wants.

Let her have your passwords, that shows you have nothing to hide. Yes sad that it has come to this but if you both want to stay together then the only way to regain trust is to be very open.

That said aa long as only occasional I think she's being unreasonable or is it a daily habit affecting your sex life?

I left my DP of 7 years when I found his porn history on his phone. Best decision I ever made 😍 hopefully your partner does the same. I imagine she made it very clear that this was a boundary for her but you went ahead and did it anyway. Play stupid games and so on.

Wait a minute - what porn were you watching?

Learn from this. Porn is not real life. If you want a relationship, give up the porn.