Can I move past his former adult industry career?

[MissStake]

Name change to avoid being recognised.
I met a lovely guy 2 months ago. We've been on a handful of dates, but so far haven't slept together, we only kissed. There is this crazy connection so far, chemistry is on point. Handsome, emotionally intelligent so far. I had exes and dates that were absolute nightmares, and someone like him is just what the doctor ordered. It all seemed to be too good to be true, and sure enough, I know what they say about things that seem too good to be true. Things are starting to get serious, and he hit me with something heavy: He used to be in the adult industry. Not a one-off, a lot of experience, a lot of hardcore stuff. He spent 20 years taking all kinds of roles, but is now retired from it. He just wanted me to know before we got serious.

Credit where credit is due, at least he was honest about it. That's already more honesty than what I got for most of my exes. But I don't know if I can be ok with this. I don't think I can, but he is just such a great guy, I have to remind myself of the things he said, because my brain can't even imagine.

I guess it serves me right, for years I have been very vocal about shallow men who care about a woman's past being absolute dicks. And now here I am. It it really doing my head in. If I wasn't a hypocrite I should look past this, but I just don't think I can. I am not proud of myself, I thought I could be more open-minded than this.

It wouldnt bother me!

That’s an astonishing claim. I can’t help that your socialisation succeeded in making you sufficiently misogynistic and unimaginative to be able to delete the humanity of the women being violently degraded in porn.

He started when he was 20, stopped at 41.
And interestingly, he would not want to date an ex porn actress. We did not get into why, but that is certainly interesting.

That is a stretch if I am looking for positives. Every man should know porn is not real, the ones who don't are morons and I wouldn't want to be with one like that anyway.

And I'd rather explore with a man together that is new for both of us.

It's like when the lads say at least she has great tits. I don't need a horse, anyway.
And he has told me a lot of shocking things about staying power. I thought these guys have unbelievable stamina and they are always ready. I almost didn't want to believe when he said that it is hard to stay interested because it is just a job not the same as when you look forward to something and in some cases they have to inject themselves with something, I can't remember what that keeps it up. That is just horrifying! I can fake how much I love something, and nobody will know, but they can't fake an erection.

No, I couldn't get past that either. Some things are just too much. It's like he sold his soul to the devil or something. There are some things that no decent person would do, even if the reward was millions. He has no bar. For money he will do anything. That's really icky. Also, he doesn't equate sex with love or affection, he can literally shag anything that moves. Another ick for me. I'd go as far as to say too, that if sex means nothing, would he even rate monogamy? If it is literally just sex, then could he be faithful in the long term? And on a more basic level, what if someone you know sees him in a film? Such a shame though.

I couldn't get past that either. It's a real shame for you and him, and to his credit he obviously wants to be open and honest about everything.

I met a guy a couple of years ago who had been a hardcore porn addict for decades. I didn't know this when I first met him, I just knew that there was a very strong sexual aura about him, and we had a lot of chemistry. I'd just come out of a long marriage (with barely any affection or intimacy), and I thought our connection was amazing!

But as I got to know him more, and found out about his addiction, I just felt more and more cautious. He'd stopped looking at porn some years before, he'd been to lots of AA meetings, and had worked hard on building a healthy lifestyle. He really wanted a loving relationship.

But there was just something about him, and how he saw women, it was difficult to explain. He never said it outright but I could sense he seemed to have a bit of the "madonna/ whore" complex about women. I don't know if looking at all that hardcore stuff for years had somehow rewired his brain.

Like the OP's guy, it felt like he didn't really have any other interests or passions in life.

He was a nice guy in many ways, very attractive and we got on really well in some ways. I knew he was trying to improve and work on himself but in the end I didn't get into a relationship with him as I knew he wasn't right for me.

And interestingly, he would not want to date an ex porn actress

Oh. Well to be honest I now feel slightly less sorry for him 😵‍💫.

Those reasons would be very interesting, but that says a lot even without the reasons.

I find that almost worse than his own history.

Well this is a first for me to read on relationship issues.

I think I would have given it a go to be honest. It's someone who has lived a different type of life at least.

But it wouldn't matter what I would do, you have to be honest with yourself how you feel about something.

Does he work now? If no then ironically I would really struggle with that.