How many people do you really think have had affairs?

[Funiculus]

I actually think the number is a lot higher than stats show because it’s a hard metric to baseline (most people won’t admit to it.) So for this analysis 🧐 I’m assuming an affair is not just emotional contact but physical of any kind. Just a quick google (out of pure morbid curiosity yields this;

Studies show that 20% to 40% of adults admit to having an affair at least once in their lives. However, because this relies on self-reported data, experts estimate the true rate of infidelity—including emotional affairs and one-night stands—could be closer to 40% to 50% across committed relationships.

However I posit that the true data is even higher. I would benchmark it as around 70% over the course of a long marriage - and this includes both sexes. Reason? Whilst societal views remain disapproving of extra-martial liaisons, the reality is most people (not all, most) are not engineered to be monogamous long term. Nature favours procreation over societal disapproval and we are hardwired to prioritise sex with suitable partners throughout our lives. This is why you often see the sexual trend of an older man running off with a younger woman. It’s primal programming in action.

Of course not everyone is a long term marriage has an affair, I’m not suggesting that. But I reckon a lot do. At different points in their marriages. I think it’s a sort of unspoken truth of the human condition that has been pushed underground by modern sensibilities and religious conformity.

Because, as far as I'm aware, most of them are not the type of person to look someone else in the eye and tell a bare-faced lie and also share similar values to me. I think having an affair is disgusting behaviour and so do they.

We're not glued at the hip, we just both work from home and live in a small town where people know each other. My Dad doesn't go running to "keep an eye" on my husband, they both enjoy running and there's only one running club. We don't both perform at the same theatre because we need to keep tabs on each other, we both enjoy acting and there's only one theatre.

If you spend some time reading affair threads on MN alone, you'll soon realise that many a spouse will not disclose the other's affair to friends and family, so you'll never know.

They're not fibbing, but just think it's none of your business; especially if they're reconciling. Most cheats are quite meticulous in maintaining the image of decent, faithful spouse. And if Bob is forgiving his spouse, he doesn't want X & Y discussing his business, or creating an awkward atmosphere...

Oh, here we go, the pp couldn't possibly just be a faithful wife with a faithful husband? MN is completely demented.

People who aren't sharing that sort of thing aren't friends though are they. They're just acquaintances, if they can have something THAT big going on in their lives and not disclose it. My friends aren't keeping massive secrets from each other like that. And I just don't think any of them would do that and cause so much pain to their spouses and kids.

Fair enough

I think you're demented, as I'm not talking about the poster and her husband.
She says her friends aren't cheating/ couldn't tell a lie. They could be and she wouldn't know. That's all.

I'm female and I've been married for the best part of 25 years and believe me, I find the thought of sex with someone new a very exciting prospect!!!

I didn't realise friends must disclose everything that goes on in their relationships, but fair enough if that's how your friendships work. The world is made up of all sorts.

Oh, I thought I'd linked to @ImImmortalNowBabyDolls post asking if they were joined at the hip. Post in haste and repent at leisure and all that.

OK, you're free to believe that all your friends are liars and cheats if that's what you prefer. I have no reason to suggest any of mine are and I would no more expect them to have an affair as I would expect them to abuse their spouse or children or steal something.

Rule of thumb from where I've worked is 50% of the men in every office are desperately trying it on with as many women as they can get away with, openly about 20% of men in each office talk about conquests. Women, not so much.

I worked in the civil service (equal gender base) and then in social services (equally gender base) - affairs were always going on.

I think the popular way of thinking on MN is that it’s mainly only men that gave affairs. I think it’s the women too but we don’t admit it

A friend of mine has a big female friendship group of about 10 of them who were at school together. They went abroad on a girls weekend and I was shocked that virtually all of them, all married, had one night stands. This made me think this type of thing is common and folk just do the ‘whatever happens in Vegas’ thing. I

I am sure some do, but as a % there will be more men. Men take more risks, tend to think they can get away with more and can't seem to resist younger women in an office. Add that to the fact a lot of women in offices are younger because women who have kids/childbearing age and can, will largely stay at home (and then struggle to regain employment). So the office is usually made up of bored middle aged men having midlife crisis' and power to promote left right and centre, the odd perimenopausal woman and a cluster of 20-30's women competing with similar aged men for promotions. We all know how men with midlife crisis' gatekeep promotions...