Partner called me his friend’s name after intimacy, should I worry?

[IAmNotHer]

So yesterday, post intimacy, my partner and I were cuddling and he called me by another woman's name.

Just "so happened " to be the name of the woman who is a close friend of his who I have wondered in the past if he has feelings for, which he has denied.

He was instantly appropriately apologetic. As well he should be.

This is bad, isn't it?

Now isn’t this weird, im more likely to use someone’s name during a direct conversation with them, if im close to them.

OK, so I was going to say, hey, it's ok, it's just one of those things, but I'm a bit concerned about things like then meeting early on a Sunday morning so that they can talk, etc.

You seem to be getting quite upset by it all, which is hardly surprising. I think that you need to sit down and talk it all through calmly, and be up front. Ask him about the friendship. I would also ask him to withdraw from the friendship for the sake of your relationship.

Be brave. You've got this.

I’ve accidentally called a partner by a previous boyfriend’s name during my sex. Not because I was secretly fantasising about my ex but I was casually daydreaming about how different they were in bed. So, he was on my mind but not in any nefarious way!

What's more concerning here is that you don’t trust him. Why is he spending peaceful mornings with this woman? That seems a really strange arrangement. Did he know her before he met you?

The fact that you've never met her is odd if she's that good a friend. Why hasn't that happened?

I’m the type of person that mixes up names all the time (DP has been called my manager’s name more times than I’d like to admit!) but never, ever during intimacy, it’s motalways during any run of the mill conversation.

I’d start doing bf some detective work, OP.

I would tell him I don’t feel comfortable about their intimate 1 on 1s given that she’s single and he thinks about her during sex, how would he feel if the situation was reversed? If he is a decent partner and respects you he should understand that boundary, you’re not suggesting he cuts her off entirely.

Unless he had literally just been talking to her on the phone after a whole day with her it’s not great but hopefully a mistake

🤪🤪yeah, we'll be odd together 😊

whatever works for you personally is all good. I'm glad you've found someone you're happy with 💕 that's all that matters!

Red flag.

See it.

I know it hurts but you can’t ignore it or it will hurt more later. See the red flag.

I’m so sorry x x

Yes, humans are strange & complicated 😂

it's no wonder people with various abilities struggle when us 'so called' NT people communicate so differently!

so if you were having coffee with a fried, just the two of you, would you say 'Jane, are you going away for the bank holiday' ? I'd just say 'are you going away for the bank holiday?'

this is fascinating me beyond what it should 🤪

EDIT: please don't reply. I'm derailing the OP's thread x.

I would never use someone’s name unless it was ‘Hi Mary’ or ‘Bye Jim’

I wouldn’t actually use it if I was in a conversation with them or I definitely would NOT say ‘I love you Harry’ I would just say ‘I love you’ it’s fairly obvious who it’s directed at if it’s only the two of you on a bed talking.

I swear we had this exact post a few months ago, but it was the sister’s name the boyfriend said. Same wording too around being intimate rather than after sex.

ETA: wasn’t quite the same wording actually, I apologise.

Isn’t it depressing how common this is though?

Perhaps you should say to him why don't you invite your friend over to us on a Sunday morning. You might get to the truth of the incident.

She certainly needs to be introduced to you op. No way would my hubby be hanging out privately with some random woman I’d never even met.

Tell him he is to invite her for dinner. If he refuses, you have your answer. It’s an affair. Either that or he has been seriously shit talking you to her and is worried she might put her foot in it. But realistically, they only do that when they are looking to have an affair so, are making out you are awful.

I always used to wonder why my ex and his ‘friend’ weren’t just together if they wanted to be considering she pre-dated me. But it ended up being some weird dom/ sub set-up with him looking for ‘normal ‘ relationships on the side 🤮😡🙄

How long have you been together? If it's quite recent then these things do happen, more about an ex so did she have the same name?

THIS

I have a male friend, who actually I’m going on holiday with tomorrow, called Tom. We have never ever been attracted to each other, nothing has ever happened between us, and nothing ever will.

My partner is called Seb. I love him and am entirely committed to him. I endlessly call Tom Seb, and, less frequently, Seb Tom. I don’t know why but it happens all of the time.