Partner called me his friend’s name after intimacy, should I worry?

[IAmNotHer]

So yesterday, post intimacy, my partner and I were cuddling and he called me by another woman's name.

Just "so happened " to be the name of the woman who is a close friend of his who I have wondered in the past if he has feelings for, which he has denied.

He was instantly appropriately apologetic. As well he should be.

This is bad, isn't it?

TBH it’s the bit them having quiet Sunday mornings with “peace”‘to be with one another that rings the most alarm bells tbh.

what’s his friend’s situation? Single/married? Does she have kids?

I think in these situations it’s always helpful to ask how you’d feel if the friend was a man
in my situation I would have been even more creeped out if the friend was a man tbh
and had he called me his male friends name after sex .. well

I don't think this as bad as people are making out - I've done it myself, and it definitely meant nothing.

On the bright side, DH has the same name as my ex, which has definitely come in handy - I recommend it! 😁

I'm not debating the merits of which is more personal, using a name or not..I like it, some people dont, thats fine. Horses for courses and all that.

What isn't good, for me, however I look at it, was him saying her name when telling me how lovely he thinks I am, when there is already a history there.

What I do I don't know because I know I won't forget it whatever happens.

She is separated with kids. Yes, I know.

It's the Sunday morning thing that would be worrying me. Am I reading this right? He goes to her house early on Sunday mornings so they can have "peace to talk" while her kids are in bed??

We can both be odd 😂

Past partners i couldnt. But with this one just feels natural

I can't believe the number of people who pop up on these threads to let the OP know that they get their kids mixed up or called their boss dad once. It is not relevant. Presumably you don't call your partner by your child's name in the context of having just orgasmed and telling the person in bed with you how good it was.

There probably isn't an innocent explanation for him saying this particular woman's name in this particular context, with the worries you already had. It confirms your worries, and now it's out there you will never forget it, or wonder about their peaceful Sunday chats. It will eat away at you.

What are you going to do op ?
it’s easy for me to say with hindsight now but I let the weird enmeshed ‘friendship’ my ex had eat away at me throughout the relationship and I should have ended it at the first sign of disrespect towards me . It’s been about 8 months since I’ve seen him and I’m still not over it. If I’d gotten out sooner I would have recovered sooner I’m sure
how long have you been with him ?

I do love in fear of accidentally saying ex name in error.
Not because I an fantasizing about them, but just habit.
But ex name.
Not random friend name.

Nope. My relationship would be done. I’m sorry but it ain’t normal to call your partner another name especially after sex. He’s clearly been thinking about her and therefore said it. I’m so sorry . I’d be dumping him.

I’d find this so difficult to come back from OP. The situation in which this happened is so personal that it’s offensive and hurtful.
what do you want to happen?
what has he said he’s going to do to put this right? Surely he can see how saying this girls name to you in this way is like him fantasising that he’s sleeping with her.
id be telling him that his behaviour makes you feel insecure about his feelings for her and what’s he gonna do about it?

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm pretty devastated to be honest.

Have you met his ‘friend’

No.

A year in, after I told him I needed to meet his female ‘best friend ‘ or I didn’t think our relationship could continue , you know what he did? Muted her and stopped mentioning her all together in the hope id forget about it .
don’t be me and let it drag on for another 1.5 years
as you can tell it’s really traumatised me .

Wait so he just hangs out with some random single woman, privately?
the heck were you tolerating that bullshit for?!

I don’t meet single men privately if I have a partner and if my partner met single women privately he wouldn’t be my partner anymore.

Unless you count my gay bestie I suppose tbf but you know, he’s gay. And his partner is always welcome to join us too and frequently does.

Sorry but you’ve tolerated far too much nonsense. Whether he is cheating or not.

Maybe if it had been a friend he’d had for a decade or more and you were always welcome to come along then it would be fine. Even still though, I’ve stopped hanging out privately with male friends when they get girlfriends out of respect for their girlfriends. It’s just common decency. I also make a point of meeting them asap to put their mind at ease. Hasn’t she done this?

Just red flags all over the shop. Before the name thing even comes into it.

I’m sorry OP. What a horrid situation you are in.
I really don’t see how your relationship with him can succeed with this hanging like a sword of Damocles over your head.
unfortunately I think that I’d need to step away as I wouldn’t be able to get over the thought of him fancying her.
I think you should take some time for yourself and talk to friends to get some advise. It’s easy for us on here to say LTB but we don’t know you and don’t have to pick up the pieces.

It's completely horrid.

Sorry this happened op. My experience husband called me my sisters name during swx. Found out after divorce he was having it away with her

No man I was intimate with would be getting up early on a Sunday morning to go and have ‘peace’ful chat with his FWB.

So have I!

Do they see each other at her home every Sunday morning? I'd find that too much. It would seem that she's on his mind more than she should.

If he had been with her for years prior, then I could understand in some way, but the fact that he said this to a woman he's only had mentionitis about shows who's on his mind.

Oh God :(