How can I stop my husband groping without rejecting affection?

[BoppityBoosh]

My husband wants sex ALL OF THE TIME. When I say no, he huffs and puffs, stomps around like a child and says “sorry, I won’t touch you anymore then.”

we have been married for almost 20 years with three kids. We both work full time and I am exhausted all of the time. I don’t have the same sex drive as I used to and I’m getting sick and tired of the tantrums when I refuse sex.

if we have a cuddle or a kiss - not even a snog, just a peck - he grabs my boobs or tries to put his hands down my pants. Even if we’re driving somewhere, he’ll sneak his hand over and try to touch me in between the legs. I tell him to stop and then he gets in a mood.

we do have sex - probably three or four times a month, which is fine for me but he wants it every bloody night. I’m happy with a cup of tea and a good book!

how do I tell him to stop groping me without making it sound like I don’t want ANY physical contact?! He doesn’t seem to know the difference between attraction and sex.

Sex pest. My ex was one, EX. Seriously get rid, it's awful.

You need to have an adult conversation and explain that his groping and sulking is very off putting and actually makes more sex less likely than if he just kept his hands to himself

Awful, got a bit of this with DH but not that bad. A grown up conversation using analogy, then rewarding ‘good’ behaviour seems to be about as effective as anything. Like a dog. It’s a bit pathetic really!

I don't think I could live with this

i think you need to tell him what signal / initiation DOES work for you. No good telling him to stop the groping without giving a ‘swap’. He currently only speaks one language and you need to suggest different, more acceptable, words (or actions).

Your husband just gave me the ick.

Smack him in the balls everytime he makes a grab at you.

That’s absolutely disgusting and a horrible way to live. You must be on edge constantly. As if the sexual assaults aren’t bad enough, he then has tantrums and sulks. What does he have going for him? He sounds vile!

Setting aside the revolting objectification of you, one of you is going to crash the bloody car!

Divorce him.

Is this new behaviour? After 20 years together?

I suppose the obvious question with someone who is an unpleasant,sulky sex pest who objectifies you and doesn’t give a shit that his advances are in fact, sexual assault is…..
WHY on earth do you actually still WANT any physical contact?

Grab and twist his bollocks every time. He'll soon learn that grabbing your boobs or between your legs isn't as fun. Or nipple pinch him. Some men only understand this kind of behaviour.

I assume telling him that he's a sex pest who is sexually harassing you which is a criminal offence which carries jail time won't go down well but will hopefully make YOU realise it's not something you should put up with any more.

Has he been like this for years? What has changed to make you post this?

“Stop sexually assaulting me” should be enough to do the trick. What if she doesn’t want sex right then?

I couldn't be with someone who treated me like that. You must be permanently on edge, your body isn't your own. I don't have any advice about how to make him stop - he doesn't want to, so it'd be divorce for me. He has no respect for you.

It’s abusive behaviour. Not only does he think your body is there to be groped and fondled whenever he likes. He then reacts in a childish way to punish you for not “putting out”. It is sexual coercion and there isn’t enough awareness of this. Women think it’s what men do because they’re men and they love sex. No it isn’t, it’s what men do because they think they’re owed sex from a woman. A woman who isn’t equal to them. Don’t put up with it!

Omg the sulking is the worst what a pathetic immature teenager. I’d have to smack him, sorry.

Have you been putting up with this for 20 years? Or is this behaviour new?

God what an abusive man OP, how have you put up with this man-child for so long!

Get rid.

your marriage is over no matter what you say - get divorced
if tell him to stop or else he will be in a strop - the marriage is over
if you withdraw sex the marriage is over
your marriage is over

🤮
Tell him to get the F away from you and let you breathe.

I would find that impossible to live with and would probably have given him a barrage of fury long before now! You need to STOP worrying about his hurt feelings - quite frankly he needs a lesson on consent and unwelcome sexual touching (i.e. this is assault) Just because you are married, he doesn't get to treat you like a piece of meat or a possession.

You need to sit him down and spell it out - if he doesn't stop touching you in this way and if he continues to use sulking, moodiness and coercion to punish you for perceived rejection, he is going to kill all feelings that you have for him stone dead.

I'd try the adult conversation think where you tell him what would work for you and try and come to an understanding that will make you both happy. If that only gets you part way, possibly a sex therapist would help. But if the conversation doesn't get you anywhere then I don't think there's much hope that he's prepared to change his behaviour because you don't like it and you'll need to think about what that means about how he thinks of you and what your marriage really does for you.

I had a friend whose husband used to do this constantly. She made him move out for six months while he worked on the behaviour. They are still together and he did change.

My ex was like this and it was awful
in the end and it was coupled with innuendos too..

Me: do you want 3 sausage with breakfast
Him : you like a good sausage
Me : what’s this wet on the side
Him : is it where you’ve been sat

It’s totally off putting to feel like you’re on the set if the inbetweeners🤮