How can I stop my husband groping without rejecting affection?

[BoppityBoosh]

My husband wants sex ALL OF THE TIME. When I say no, he huffs and puffs, stomps around like a child and says “sorry, I won’t touch you anymore then.”

we have been married for almost 20 years with three kids. We both work full time and I am exhausted all of the time. I don’t have the same sex drive as I used to and I’m getting sick and tired of the tantrums when I refuse sex.

if we have a cuddle or a kiss - not even a snog, just a peck - he grabs my boobs or tries to put his hands down my pants. Even if we’re driving somewhere, he’ll sneak his hand over and try to touch me in between the legs. I tell him to stop and then he gets in a mood.

we do have sex - probably three or four times a month, which is fine for me but he wants it every bloody night. I’m happy with a cup of tea and a good book!

how do I tell him to stop groping me without making it sound like I don’t want ANY physical contact?! He doesn’t seem to know the difference between attraction and sex.

This. You don't have to live like this

A swap?? So she should offer appeasement to avoid being sexually assaulted??! Stop that you dirty bastard or I will call the police, is all she should say.

Tell him that the groping and huffing are deeply unsexy. That you love him and like fucking him when you want to but the groping is making that less and less often. Ask him if he wants you to have sex with him when you don't want to and be prepared for the answer.

There is literally nothing less sexy than a man petulant about not getting a shag is there. If a woman wanted to have sex more often it would be all about making herself sexy and naughty knickers etc but men seem to think just being a sulky child about it will magically make you want them (they don't think this, they just don't think sex is for women, ultimately).

Sometimes people just need a spotlight shining on their bad behaviour because it has become a habit. Other times it's not fixable. Worth finding out which this is after 20 years probably.

She asked:
how do I tell him to stop groping me without making it sound like I don’t want ANY physical contact?!
that’s what I answered.

I don’t think this is even about his sex drive. It’s about control and ownership.

He isn’t frustrated. It’s not actually an orgasm he’s desperate for. He just gets a kick out of demonstrating ownership of his wife’s body. He’s gross.