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Original poster

Quick moral dilema: need opinions!

9 replies

yosammitysam · 21/06/2008 16:00

Very brief version-
BIL doesn't speak to PIL (for last year or so cut them off completely) for reasons we can't quite fathom (stemming from teenage angst and rows years ago). PIL are bit bonkers but no worse than others you hear about- we see a lot of them with the kids- always there to help etc. BIL refuses to see this positive side of them.

He is getting married. Has bought things to a head. PIL are heartbroken and devastated it has come to this. Will miss one of the biggest dyas of his life. They have v small family so only them and his aunt and us that could be invited. We and aunt will be invited, his parents wont be.

BIL says he doesn't like them (or love them) or trust them so doesn't want them there or in his life.

DP feels horrible about it and very torn. Thinks his brother is being judgemental and wants to 'punish' the parents that he loves.

Should we go to the wedding? BIL wants us to very much, but we feel maybe we should make a point that he is being soooo unreasonable and stay away?

OK, so not that quick? But would you go??? Really appreciate any opinions or advice!!!

OP posts:

yousaidit · 21/06/2008 16:03

Have the pil said that they either want you to go or not go or aren't they bothered? Also, if you didn't go would you a) be prepared for a poss backlash from the bil, and b0 would the pil see the gesture and appreciate it?

If this is a dispute between bil and pil do youneed to make a gesture by non attendance, or is it just your and your dh's gut feeling that you should do this?

Who does your dh have a leaning towards supporting?

Carmenere · 21/06/2008 16:07

I would go I think.

mollysawally · 21/06/2008 16:10

I wouldn't go. I would feel as if BIL was using me to make a point.

I'd tell BIL I was staying as I didn't want to get involved.

fizzymum · 21/06/2008 16:11

I would definitely go. It's not a nice situation but it's not your fault that you've been invited and PIL's haven't.

Carmenere · 21/06/2008 16:14

It is between your pil and your bil. I would go to the wedding and smile and be polite and ignore the crap and try to stay neutral. It is his wedding and perhaps it would be a little unfair to boycott it.

VaginaShmergina · 21/06/2008 16:15

IMO I would go but make it clear to PIL that is not a case of you choosing sides but of your DP wanting to support his brother. Need to be high up on that fence out of the way me thinks.

TheFallenMadonna · 21/06/2008 16:17

Is it likely to cause a rift between you/DH and PIL?

If not, I'd go.

YeahBut · 21/06/2008 16:20

I'd go. Your BIL is getting married and you should be there. His rift with your PIL is between them and him.

Pheebe · 22/06/2008 16:32

Definitely go. WHatever the problem is its between BIL and his parents. No one, not even your DH can really know what the issues are and whether they are reasonable or unreasonable. its not for anyone else to judge or get involved with. I'm sure if the PILs are as devastated as you say at being left out on such an important day for their son they would still want their other son (your DH) to be there to support him.

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