Betrayed by wife

[MyMindIsDone]

Hi. First post. I'm a married bloke who has been cheated on. Reason I joined here is that I really need female opinions and advice. As you can imagine, male friends and family all say get rid but there are so many contributing factors that skew things. My mind is blown and I can't figure out what to do and specifically I have a way forward that may seem unconventional but seems logical to me and the only option.

I have a child, they're in their 20s. I was a signle dad from the child's age of 9.

Thanks for reading this far 😊

It feels like you want someone to ask what your unconventional option is.....

To be clear, I am not asking you that.

We need more details and context please. If your child is now an adult then their welfare in the situation is no longer paramount.

Do you love your partner?
Do you want to stay with her despite the cheating?
Is this even an option?
If you fo want yo stay, why?

As your child is an adult, I see little reason to stay.

One night stand? Affair throughout the whole marriage?
Deceit by omission? Lying to your face? Gaslighting?
You’ve really not given us anything to go on.

Is she sorry / remorseful?

What's the situation you want advice on.

What are you looking for here OP?

My female opinion is that once someone has betrayed you and cheated on you that you are always better off to call it a day at that point.

There aren't really ever any 'extenuating circumstances' to betrayal. It's perfectly doable to say to someone 'I don't love you anymore and want to end this relationship' before you start shagging other people.

I wouldn't consider staying. I'm of the same opinion as your male mates.

tell us what happened? why did she cheat?

Need more context , if it’s just happened and it’s going over and over in your mind , have a read of Reddit survivinginfidelity it will help alot

Hi, perhaps that's true at some point, but only if someone wanted to try and help me.

To be clear, I'm just looking for advice from possibly someone who's been in a similar position, that's all. No worries if not. 🙂

What happened, then we can support you more

Get rid. Once a cheat...

Apologies all.

One night stand, very drunk. She's very remorseful, tried to take her own life. She can't remember anything. I caught her by chance due to CCTV. Saw/heard everything.

To be clear, she's very loyal and this happened due to stress over our marriage and we were living apart for a month when it happened. I've never even looked at another woman the entire time we've been together.

I do love her and want to try but.. the ego has been really kicked. I feel like I need to do the same to be able to even try to work it out. May sound silly and I'd never let her know I'd done it but it feels like i couldn't try to work things out if I didn't.

Again, this may sound ridiculous but I can't help how I feel.

There you go. You want to both take revenge and cheat yourself.

Your relationship is doomed.

Don't be ridiculous, just end it, a revenge cheat is never going to end well.

If you're answer to fixing your marriage is to also have a one night stand then no one here can say anything to help, you're just as bad. How pathetic

Yeah, It is silly. A revenge shag will solve nothing. If she's truly and utterly remorseful over a one night stand when you were split up then you might be able to make things work if you have another go at the relationship.

But. You take her back, knowing she's had a one night stand that she's ashamed of, and you take her back accepting this. You don't ever throw it in her face during an argument, you don't use it as a stick to beat her with and you start from ground zero if you really want to keep the marriage.

You don't do a tit for tat shag to make yourself feel better, or her worse. And you start a fresh page assuming that she will never do this again and you trust her.

If you can't do all this that is fine. It is your life and your feelings and no one can make the decision for you. But if you can't do all this then don't waste either of your time any longer and just call things a day.

Oh for Gawds sake grow up... Either you work together to sort it out and move forward or you split up.
Tit for tat won't fix anything.

Experiencing the inside of a new vagina won't make you trust her again. Split up.

It's not an 'unconventional' way forward by the way.

It's the sort of immature shit teenage boys do. Not married grown ups.

This is not adding up

Apart

CCTV

Potential suicide

Revenge cheating

Something is afoot

You will feel worse after a revenge shag, it won’t do you no good.

were you technically separated when this happened? How did you catch her on CCTV if you didn’t live together?

Who decided you should live apart? I only ask because if it was you maybe she thought it was over. I’m not excusing it, but I guess a lot could have been going on.

And being cryptic about his unconventional way forward when he clearly came here to talk about it. Just another creepy bloke on mumsnet.

She wanted to take her own life.

Op wants revenge.

Not to support her.

This is the tip of an iceberg we are not getting her side of.

If you think she meant to cheat then you should split up. Things are obviously not ideal.

If you think she was blind drunk and therefore possibly raped, possibly drugged, you should be supporting her to go to the police.

Your revenge plan however, makes you an utter pig.

Please do her a favour and let her find someone better.