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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Betrayed by wife

64 replies

MyMindIsDone · 07/05/2026 18:46

Hi. First post. I'm a married bloke who has been cheated on. Reason I joined here is that I really need female opinions and advice. As you can imagine, male friends and family all say get rid but there are so many contributing factors that skew things. My mind is blown and I can't figure out what to do and specifically I have a way forward that may seem unconventional but seems logical to me and the only option.

I have a child, they're in their 20s. I was a signle dad from the child's age of 9.

Thanks for reading this far 😊

OP posts:

WiltedLettuce · 07/05/2026 22:26

If she was so drunk that she can't remember anything, why are you so sure that it was consensual?

MrTibbles · 07/05/2026 22:28

Nah, I don't buy this story.

Dery · 07/05/2026 22:34

@MrTibbles - i agree; OP’s not been back since people have started querying the CCTV and suggesting his wife may have been raped.

Sundaynightterrors · 07/05/2026 22:37

Why weren’t you living together? Clearly there were already problems. Was she actually cheating if you weren’t together

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 07/05/2026 22:41

Dery · 07/05/2026 22:34

@MrTibbles - i agree; OP’s not been back since people have started querying the CCTV and suggesting his wife may have been raped.

He's fed up because we're picking holes in his story.

OrangeSeaGlass · 07/05/2026 22:57

Dery · 07/05/2026 22:34

@MrTibbles - i agree; OP’s not been back since people have started querying the CCTV and suggesting his wife may have been raped.

It’s a perv, he’ll be getting off on it. Ignore him.

ShizeItsWeegie · 08/05/2026 04:17

Hatty65 · 07/05/2026 21:14

It's not an 'unconventional' way forward by the way.

It's the sort of immature shit teenage boys do. Not married grown ups.

This. The level of thinking that's gone into this situation by the OP is ......low. Same with the amount of effort over his post.

Man having revenge sex is not 'unconventional'. It's about as conventional as man having extra marital sex.

CamillaMcCauley · 08/05/2026 04:35

How did I know that the unconventional solution was to fuck someone else as payback.

Mate, if you were on a break, she didn’t cheat.

And if she was so drunk she can’t remember anything, she was raped.

And if you have video of the whole thing that she clearly wasn’t in a state to be aware of, you’re also a sex offender.

CupcakeDreams · 08/05/2026 04:40

She cheated, you want to cheat. It's over.

Starlight7080 · 08/05/2026 04:52

I was going to put something positive but just read updates/other people's posts and if this is real then maybe you are best apart. It all sounds to weird

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/05/2026 05:34

Hatty65 · 07/05/2026 21:12

Yeah, It is silly. A revenge shag will solve nothing. If she's truly and utterly remorseful over a one night stand when you were split up then you might be able to make things work if you have another go at the relationship.

But. You take her back, knowing she's had a one night stand that she's ashamed of, and you take her back accepting this. You don't ever throw it in her face during an argument, you don't use it as a stick to beat her with and you start from ground zero if you really want to keep the marriage.

You don't do a tit for tat shag to make yourself feel better, or her worse. And you start a fresh page assuming that she will never do this again and you trust her.

If you can't do all this that is fine. It is your life and your feelings and no one can make the decision for you. But if you can't do all this then don't waste either of your time any longer and just call things a day.

This, absolutely. It’s a shame you told people. Always best to keep these things to yourself as now your dw will be judged. Did she tell you how much she had to drink that night? And I’d also like to know how come she was being filmed.

Zanatdy · 08/05/2026 05:35

If you were on a break, then she hasn’t cheated. Sounds like the relationship was doomed before then, so just do both of you a favour and end things. A revenge shag is a ridiculous idea, and drags someone else into this mess. CCTV - a doorbell camera or was this some kind of household surveillance like another poster mentioned. If so why are you watching her in her own home. Creepy

TalulahJP · 08/05/2026 09:20

there’s way more to this than meets the eye……..
spill mate. what else has been going on as your relationship clearly wasn’t good to start with.

i don’t like thinking people are suicidal. that’s so sad. and desperate. you both need counselling at the very least.

Marineboy67 · 09/05/2026 11:29

Do yourself a favour fella and take yourself out of this punishment trap your in. Nothing you do in revenge is going to take away what you saw and heard. You could have sex with a hundred women and still feel that acute pain over & over.
I walked in on my drunken ex shagging another bloke with his fucking German Shepherd in the room. A scene from hell, I spent the next 5 minutes fighting with the dog getting bitten several times eventually overpowered it and dragged it out in the street. I went back in to finish the bloke off but he'd scarpered. Long story short I tried to make it work but it rots away at you until there's nothing left.
Be kind to yourself & walk away whilst you've still got time to rebuild your life!

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