How would you handle a friend hired at work behaving oddly?

[Lyontamer]

A few months ago we hired someone that we knew quite well personally in a well paid, senior role and her behaviour has been really, really weird.

As background: she seems to have had a really great career, solid experience working for small companies doing quite niche work, very creative. But the move to our business is very different- different role, different type of business so she got the job mostly because of personal connections.

However! Since coming to work for us things got very weird, very quickly.

For reasons I can't understand, she started off throwing her weight around in a really aggressive way, sort of like demanding authority that doesn't belong to her. Then also treating other senior people with quite a lot of disrespect really needlessly which has resulted in complaints.

Now I've just found out that she told a junior staff member that she previously held an extremely senior role at a very well known brand, and I know this to be completely false. I find making up something like this to be quite worrying.

I've known this person for years and they were always well paid, seemingly successful and a normal CV. They've obviously got plenty of work experience so should know how to behave at work.

Beyond that she always seemed like a really nice, honest, moral type of person. Admittedly she was a bit of a shameless self promoter, but she was otherwise lovely so I overlooked it.

I'd stress she's been given a very well paid job in a nice company where nobody is competitive and she was welcomed very warmly so the behaviour is completely bizarre and we're struggling to work out what's going on.

I've tried speaking to her as have others and reactions have ranged between getting upset and claiming she's being picked on, patronising people, going on the attack or complete denial.

This has created a horrible environment at wirk, and her behaviour is just so odd that I'm hoping for help understanding it. She seems, behind the arrogance to be a bit fragile and so I'm not convinced formal discipline is the right route.

Tbh if she wasn't a friend I'd still be trying to understand what's going on. As mentioned she seems fragile and I was a bit worried about her.

This.
Hormones or a type of mentalitynand behaviour from her previous employer?
May woman in a higher paid role lack respect for ithers and become bitches. Give me a male boss any day!
Pull her in

Has this not come up in any of the conversations that have been had about her behaviour @Lyontamer ? Generally speaking when a team member is acting out of character, the fist question in the "friendly chat" is "Is everything ok? You seem to be behaving a bit differently lately." Obviously, once it goes on to a formal intervention that goes on the files, it needs to be properly understood if there are mitigating circumstances.

Are you already past the stage of "Stick to your job and wind your neck in or you're fired" and into "You're fired"?

Sounds to me like you'll be able to give her a great exit interview. It'll probably be wasted on her, but you need to start prioritising your other employees.

So you don't actually know that her past experience is real?

I'd dig a bit more now to be honest before you are stuck with her forever.

@margolivebetter honestly she just refuses to see she's doing anything.

She's been told people felt she was interfering in their work, she replied quite patronisingly that she prided herself on her ethos of collaborative work and implied others should be grateful for her expertise.

She's been asked politely to stop making decisions that weren't hers to make, she ignored and continued.

She's been asked to have boundaries with other department heads and flat out denied doing things I've seen with my own eyes.

When I messaged her privately that she was causing hurt feelings to others she denied all blame and said she was being victimised and that she was at her lowest ebb.

Someone else raised it with her and she got aggressive and talked down to them about how senior she was and sent them a bizarre email addressing their 'conduct' in a way she had no authority to do.

Now she's lying to people about her CV. I suppose I feel like it's not going to work, but also feel a but bad as she seems not all right. Someone in the team suggested neuro diversity but could it be that?

Don’t blame this on neurodiversity. She may be ND, she may not - it doesn’t matter. She is behaving entirely inappropriately in the office and needs either to sort herself out or be fired.

if she is presenting as not all right then you need to have a conversation about that where you ask directly whether she's ok. But that can be part of a wider performance management process.

Why did she leave her previous employment?

If she's still within probation is there any need for performance management? In that she can simply be sacked

"It's more about what motivates someone to be really aggressive, try to dominate colleagues, try to needlessly assert authority and back it up with lies about your experience"

@Lyontamer Perhaps this is the question you and the other owner(s) need to ask her in a meeting.

"Just trying to get a grasp on why someone would do that in a very non competitive environment when they've been treated really generously"

Maybe the issue is that since you already knew her personally and she has been brought into the fold, she is viewing herself and her role as being on an equal footing as the owners of the business rather than as an employee.
Perhaps you need to explain that she is massively overstepping her role, and that she does not have the authority she thinks she does.

Yes, I think I do. Feel a bit worried about the fragility though.

You need to be just as worried about the state of your business and all your existing and hardworking staff who are having to deal with her behaviour. Another pp was right - you stand to lose some good employees over this if you don't do something.

Oh, and I don't know what business you are in, but she doesn't have any dealings with your customers, does she? You don't want to run the risk of losing any of them either.

You need to deal with promptly to let the other staff that this behaviour will not be tolerated. She sounds dreadful, reminds me of working in the 1980's!
Put all the complaints in writing and ask her for her comments.

Could some of her assumed authority be down to the fact she's a friend of yours (however close or not close) and she's just enjoying the perceived 'power' she feels this affords her?

Ah, I see this has already been suggested.

You can't worry about her fragility though. You're running a business not a support group for fragile egos!

I’d be following process really closely, there may be an underlying health reason for a perceived sudden change in personality.

People can behave differently when they’re trying to make an impression, equally her previous employers may have rewarded competitive behaviour.

Long term it’s unlikely to work out so you need to make the best decision for your business and all those in it.

A poor sense of (professional) self so overcompensating, lying, exaggerating?

There is a thread on here right now of a poster with a senior role.
One of the owners brought in his cousin who is riding roughshod in the same manner.
The OP was doing a tremendous job and ‘cousin’ was ruining her work life.
OP left and since then her whole department has gone to pot. Key people are leaving.
You may worry about this friend but you need to be concerned about the effects on your business.
I think she has low self esteem. She probably hasn’t just started lying - most probably has a history of it.
Whatever her issues are, if she won’t see sense then she will see other employees off.
They matter here.

I ran my own business for a long time. When we were halfway through the sale process to a long-term, competent, senior employee her then-boyfriend (short term casual relationship) began telling all of the staff that he was buying the company and was going to be CEO. Before we had signed, announced, lifted the embargo or told staff, and although he worked for the company in a very junior role he hadn’t had any involvement in the sale or any ownership percentage. He just thought that he knew better than her because he was her boyfriend.

My guess as to what is going on here is that because she is your friend, in an equal relationship, she has envisioned either consciously or subconsciously that she is joining the organisation on an equal footing with you. And that in trying to “manage” employees on the same level she is upsetting everyone.

With hindsight, is it possible that she thought that you weren’t that competent at running your business before you took her on, and that you needed some help? And that her remit involves improving things or making them run better? Or supporting you? The dynamic here has “business management consultant” vibes!!!!

In your position I would start with sitting down with an org chart and a copy of her job description. Ask her what she thinks her role is, and where she fits on the org chart. And I’d also make it explicitly clear where the other senior leaders sit and what their roles are.

Also, a word of warning - if staff know that she is a personal friend, for every complaint that you’ve received there will be 10 you haven’t because she’s your friend. So I reckon if you can’t fix this in 2 weeks you need to move her on because otherwise you’ll start losing staff.

They do not fit in with your organisational or team culture. If they cannot fit in, they need to go.

It doesn't matter is what they do is to the required standard of HOW they do it is disruptive and ineffective.

They need values led feedback, promptly and every time it happens.

You say that the actual work she has done has been excellent. Could you offer her freelance work that wouldn’t bring her into contact with any of your staff?

You are trying to empathise with her, but your job is also to protect your other staff so ultimately you would need to let her go for their sake, if nothing else.

Hmm. I wonder whether the personal aspect is making you tiptoe around her. Has anyone actually sat her down and firmly told her that her position is at real risk of not working unless she adjusts her behaviour and starts listening to feedback?

No. There's a few owners. Everyone knows her, friends group thing, so she's not specifically my friend per se. I think I'll have to get HR involved, but thanks for the input. I suppose I'm trying to find some kind of explanation but maybe it's just how she acts at work.

I do think she thinks everyone but her is an idiot. I think she thinks this in a personal setting too, but I just thought she would be a professional at work given her background.

If she’s been a freelance consultant for a long time potentially she’s used to everyone being interested in her opinion, because they’ve appointed her. Bit of an adjustment to come in-house, stay in her own lane, and understand that her job is not to tell everyone how to do theirs.