I 34F broke up with my 32M boyfriend. He wasn't ready for kids. Now I am alone. Let go ?

[Zlatana]

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend about six months ago because we weren’t aligned on something really important to me — having kids in the near future. He wasn’t ready to even consider that within the next year or two, mainly because of his financial situation and the uncertainty around it. At the time, I felt like I had to make a decision for myself because I didn’t want to risk waiting too long and potentially missing my window to build the kind of life I want.

But now, I’m starting to question that decision. Dating has been a lot harder than I expected. I’ve met a few people, but I didn’t feel any real connection with them, and it’s made me reflect a lot on what I had before. My relationship with my ex was actually good in many ways. we got along well, had a strong bond, and there was mutual respect and care. The main issue was timing and future plans.
Looking back, I realize I was feeling a lot of pressure and anxiety about time passing, and that may have influenced my decision more than I wanted to admit. Now that I’m alone, I’m wondering if I gave up something meaningful too quickly, or if I made the right choice and just need to accept it and move on.

I feel stuck between missing him and questioning whether I should reach out, versus trying to let go completely and trust that I made the right decision for my future. I honestly don’t know which path is the healthiest or smartest in the long run.

Yes, your clock is ticking but if you make it your primary focus you will probably drive away anyone who is interested in a date.
Of course, you want to meet someone you ‘align’ with but imagine meeting a guy and him sizing you up as breeding material?
If the urge to have a child is so overriding, do it alone. One of my friends did.
But I can say you are wasting so much of your precious still-young life driving a search like this.

Sorry OP, it was intense with you ex but you were each willing to give up the other in order to pursue a different kind of life. You were never too priority for him and that's not ideal when it comes to starting a family. You may hear quite soon the he has met someone new and she is pregnant. Move on.

He's not the one for you. He's basically told you he doesn't want kids with you. You're still young. Stop worrying about finding a partner and just live your best single life. You will find the one... but not while you're giving off the desperate vibes!

Please be very careful who you choose as the father. Even if you don’t stay together you will need to interact with him for a very long time, and they will spend time with the child without you there. Choose very wisely, someone you, at the very least, know is trustworthy and genuinely kind. Dealing with the ex when you have children can be very stressful.

I think you are in a tight spot really OP.Many men in a new relationship (6 months is quite early on) would be non committal, and possibly a little scared! you are only 34 you still have time to meet someone who shares your views

The chances of you finding an emotionally healthy man that agrees to start trying for a baby and committing to financially support you in 6 months are virtually zero.

After 6 months, your exes response of '4 years, but maybe less if the finances stack up before then' strikes me as healthy and well considered.

That's also a reason why I don't find somebody easily.

I know and that really scares me. Someone can also just lie to me for sometimes selling me a dream.

In a way, I thank my ex because he was straight up honest with me about it

I think you need it get a better plan for your life than ‘find a man who can afford to support me and children financially so I don’t have to work and then make babies with him’.

Few well-adjusted men would willing to fall in line with this plan, and even if you snagged a suitable stud for your project, death, divorce and disability stalk lives and could scupper things. If you genuinely want to have a partnership, retain self-esteem and bring up children in a secure and happy environment, you need to be prepared to contribute towards that life yourself beyond your loins.

Why do you need the man to be able to cover rent, food and clothes for you and a baby? First of all, surely you’d be a partnership and both contribute fairly, second of all, how many clothes do you and a baby actually need, that it’s important enough to make the list of requests? 😂

Do you live in the UK? Are you from a different country or culture? This may be playing a factor…

🙄

”Your” child?

You’re on to plums OP if this is your actual framework for finding someone and starting a family. I’m guessing the red flag vibes are even stronger in person.

Yes, first paragraph is not how life works in the 21st Century, and certainly not if these plans are taking place in Britain. Unless you can nab yourself an aging multi-millionaire who wants more kids or someone of a totally different cultural outlook, no man is going to find that an enticing prospect.

6 months is not very long to know someone, go through the ups and downs of a relationship, its still the honeymoon period. Madness really to talk about kids so soon, as in saying you wanted to have them so early on in a relationship....probably scared him a bit.

How soon are you looking to have children with a new partner?!

Also I think you need to change your views slightly, unless you find yourself with a guy who has an extremely good job and can support you and a child completely, you will more than likely have to work too.

I think you attitude of relying solely on a man (lots of pressure) plus the pressure of wanting a baby so soon in a relationship is enough to push any decent sane man away!