AIBU to feel suspicious over receipt

[Gig56]

DH and I haven’t been getting on recently at all, it all came to a head one night he walked out and said he was done. He disappeared all the next day with his phone off and returned the next day with an apology and how he wanted to work on our marriage. He said he had been drinking with his cousin who I know very well. It all sounded believable and we had a heart to heart about everything. However, I found a receipt for a dated the morning he returned, at a motorway services that isn’t near his cousins house, about 40 minutes away. I confronted him and he said he had to drop his cousin in that area before he returned to me that morning. A horrible thought came across my mind, has he cheated in that area, gone to the services and came home. He’s adamant it’s the truth and told me we need to leave it now. I don’t know what to do now because we’re getting on but do I dig? AIBU to be suspicious?

Ask the cousin firstly. But , my X used to manufacture rows so he could storm out, usually on Wednesdays and at the weekend. He was shagging the barmaid at our local

I would message the cousin asking how they are and if they had a nice meet up and see what he says

I think you are very right to be suspicious.

If he had spent the day drinking with his cousin would he have been fit to drive the next morning?

Thanks,
He’s already said I’m welcome to speak to his cousin and ask but I didn’t want to appear mental.

I’d be unlikely to message his cousin, if they’re close, he’ll undoubtedly lie.

What’s the receipt for?

Is there a Travel Lodge at those services because they’re pretty anonymous if you were meeting someone. However if he’s just bought petrol and a packet of polos it doesn’t really take you any further. I assume the cousin will lie for him anyway if they’re close.

Weirdly I think trust your gut here.

I think cousin will have been briefed / lie for him anyway.

Receipts just for some food and I totally agree that the cousin would cover anyway.

I agree that cousin could lie also even after i suggested contacting. You could still do it anyway and see what gets said.Its a difficult one really but definitely trust your gut

Was it a petrol receipt or an overnight stay ?

You’ll not be able to check for definite so need to decide if you trust him or not.

Just food
Sorry should have stated that in the post

Ask to see his phone location history for that evening

The receipt will have a time on it.
You can only stay at a services for 2 hours without a fine or paying.
Ask the cousin what time he was dropped off.
I doubt if your dh has given him that much detail.

That would sound alarm bells for me too OP, it sounds like he blew up as an excuse to leave the house and meet someone.

Tbh even before all this overnight business, I would have been starting divorce proceedings.
This would be the final straw, I wouldn't bother trying to find out because I would channel my energies into getting on and sorting out my future. That would mean seperating under the same roof if need be not doing his laundry, cooking and def no sex with him.
I take it the 'cousin' is a man.

told me we need to leave it now

That’s not his call to make. He went AWOL for more than a day with his phone off, and his story doesn’t add up. He should be fighting for your marriage right now, not telling you to suck it up.

Does the cousin have a wife you could call to confirm that he needed to be at that location 40 minutes away? The cousin will have been briefed but I doubt the wife will be in on it.

Otherwise I think you should tell him that you need to leave him now.

I’d be suspicious too OP.

He said he was drinking with his cousin - at cousins house or local pub?

To draw a line under it, I think I’d be tempted to ask to see his card transactions.

Exactly what I was thinking or check phone

I had a very sneaky ex in my 20s. He lived with me at my parents house at the time but worked in a small village about 45 minutes drive away. He used to manufacture arguments which meant he would be over there and drinking with work colleagues who lived in the area. Found out down the line that he had been shagging the office junior and him staying at a colleagues house was actually her parents house

I pinched his phone one day, got her number and called her. I just had a gut feeling. Poor girl had been spun a line that I was just a friend and he was apparently renting a room at my parents. To give her some credit she fully told me the truth, she was as shocked as me and I honestly couldn’t be angry at her. Chucked all his stuff in a bin bag and left it on my parents doorstep for him to collect! I went out and my parents reported that he had been particularly upset picking up his stuff. Good!!!

Phone might reveal something but if he’s up to anything he will delete delete everything!!!

If he’s has iPhone check his deleted photos folder. Check hidden photos

Also - check deleted text messages. It’s the 3 dots/lines at top right of the screen

You also have the option of looking at WhatsApp where you can delete the app then do a restore which will restore messages from back up

Be strong though. I know this feeling. If he wants to work on the relationship and has been up to nothing then this is his way to prove it.

Agree with this, it's a classic. Engineer an almighty row which gives an opportunity to disappear for the day. Uncontactable.

I had an ex when I was very young who did things like this all the time. He had a friend who gave him alibis too. Years later his mate told me I had no idea of the full extent of all it.

I agree with pp about card transactions they would surely show where he's been.

We haven’t been getting on for a while now, he hasn’t wanted to try and work with me, it’s like he’s been against me for ages, still a good dad to the kids (1&4). He is overcompensating since the returned, treating me better and wanting to work at our marriage. It’s almost like he’s cheated then massively regretted it. I will need to check his phone or deep down I hope he just admits it

Surely it’s for him to do the leg work to prove he was where he said he was - ask to look at his online banking transactions - if they’re at the cousin’s local then that’s a tick.

If I was trying to reassure my partner I was where I said I was in these circumstances I would be bringing the receipts. I wouldn’t be gaslighting by acting like she’s crazy for asking/being suspicious…. That’s what people do when they can’t prove it because they’re LYING.