AIBU to feel suspicious over receipt

[Gig56]

DH and I haven’t been getting on recently at all, it all came to a head one night he walked out and said he was done. He disappeared all the next day with his phone off and returned the next day with an apology and how he wanted to work on our marriage. He said he had been drinking with his cousin who I know very well. It all sounded believable and we had a heart to heart about everything. However, I found a receipt for a dated the morning he returned, at a motorway services that isn’t near his cousins house, about 40 minutes away. I confronted him and he said he had to drop his cousin in that area before he returned to me that morning. A horrible thought came across my mind, has he cheated in that area, gone to the services and came home. He’s adamant it’s the truth and told me we need to leave it now. I don’t know what to do now because we’re getting on but do I dig? AIBU to be suspicious?

Thanks everyone
I asked to see his transactions Saturday night and he didn’t show me, he got angry and stormed off.
That tells me doesn’t it?

Its a red flag for sure op. If he had nothing to hide it would be sure its here look etc
Defensiveness like that is classic as I sadly recently found out with my situation. I hope im wrong for you🫂

If he stormed off after you asked for his Sat night transactions, he didn't want to show them to you. Just like he had an argument with you and stormed out Sat.

He thinks if he gets mad, you'll be afraid to rock the boat and rugsweep what sounds like lying and cheating.

Go get full STI testing.

I’m sorry OP but people with nothing to hide wouldn’t storm off. They might show you, prove themselves and then sulk they had to do so, but they do not refuse to prove their innocence (who the fuck wouldn’t win the argument with an easy screenshot of transactions?!) and storm off - he is GUILTY

So you have never ever been so upset in an argument that you have just walked out, driven off in any direction not caring which way, just get on a highway and go. Screaming, crying, thumping the steering wheel, playing some defiant music and then when calm, pulled into a services got a breath of fresh air a snack and then called a friend or family member for support?

I haven’t, nothing remotely like that.

I have nothing to hide but I do storm off. I would have if my partner were giving me the 9th degree and accusing me of cheating because I walked off in the middle of an argument. And who the fuck, man or woman, goes on a shopping spree when they are upset and broke so they’d conveniently have transactions proving where they were the entire time out of the house?

40mins away is an eye blink.

Well I have many times when a relationship is in a rough patch, it’s how I keep myself from saying hurtful things I would regret.

It is such a commonplace reaction to an argument that it features in books, films, and even music videos.

I’d trust your intuition.

If there is zero respect and trust such that you are so suspicious and intrusive into what would have been a few hours post argument, then the relationship is over. A receipt from a services 40mins away is not even tangentially related to cheating unless you have a vivid imagination. He likely called his cousin and then went there later.

I agree with this

Just end it.
You don’t need to have proof of cheating or any bad behavior to end a relationship. What you have now is wishful thinking, you are wishing for him to be a cheater so you won’t feel guilty about breaking up.

If it looks like a dog...... and barks like a dog......
Etc.

Trust your gut OP - wait a few days to check the phone as he will done a clean sweep of it now, but the evidence will come.

I agree it’s maybe what some overly dramatic people do, but I wouldn’t say it’s normal and something that happens a lot. I also wouldn’t use fiction as proof. I maybe go for a drive sometimes but thumping the steering wheel screaming and crying just seems to be melodramatic.

OP says he stayed away overnight, uncontactable. Returned the next day. Seems a bit much for a row.

Who said they are all fiction? And this from a poster jumping to the worst fiction imaginable.

You used films, books and music videos as proof that it is normal. Those aren’t real.

Not really. I’ve gone to family or a hotel for a few days after a row.
To think things over. Get my bearings.

I have also seen on mumsnet numerous posters advising OPs who have had a nasty row to go and stay with family for a few days and don’t even tell them where you are going, let them stew.

Lol. Ever heard of an autobiography or biography? Every book and every film or video based on a person’s life is fiction then? 😆

I suppose people getting married or dying isn’t real either because they show it in books, films and videos.

Oh fgs!

Well I don't think that's usual. It sounds like OPs husband left at night, stayed away all the next day and night and returned the next morning. If my partner did that to me after a row I would be beside myself. Especially if his phone was off. It's at the least cruel, you can at least say I'm staying at so and sos for some space.

I mean leaving for a few hours after an argument fair enough. My partner has left for a walk and pint for a few hours. Comes back sulky with a pizza. Not with a dodgy story and seeming like he's hiding things.

Never. Sounds quite like dangerous driving and a bit twattish.

He returned and doesn’t want to talk any more about that night. This is dragging on now and he’s probably hoping I rug sweep. I am exhausted getting no sleep over this. I feel I need to check his phone which I will be able to do as it’s left out at night before I end things

It would be fairly simple for him to clear this up by showing you his transactions that night, as pps have said.

I think I'd try to sit down with him calmly and say something like "I feel like I need to see evidence of where you were that night. I understand it makes you angry that I can't just blindly trust you at the moment, and I get that, but if we're going to be able to get back to normal, I need this."

I wouldn't let him kicking off every time shut you down.

Avoiding and creating further conflict in an effort to shut you down is a classic red flag. I’d check his phone. If you can get into his banking app on his phone I would check that too. Check emails too - for hotel confirmations etc