Feeling sad today - love after 30?

custarddonutty · 02/05/2026 11:54

FGS she is 31 not 91. 🙄

Izzasaurus · 02/05/2026 12:10

My mum could probably have written this post about me a few years back.

It certainly can still happen for your daughter. Loads of people don't start a family until their 30s and whilst being a 'young mum' has its advantages, it's not something to make too much of in my view - people age differently and I know plenty of people in their 60s with more energy and vibrancy about them than other people I know in their 30s...

It might be that your daughter will build a life that fits with her current ideas about what she wants in a partner and family. It might be that her path will be different. I know some people talk about 'compromising' or 'settling' when they become aware of time running out for kids. In my case I'd say it's more that in my 30s I became a bit more open-minded about how the future might work out for me. I ended up with the sort of person I wouldn't previously have expected to be with, and following a less conventional path than the one my own mum would have wanted for me (I had a kid before marriage rather than after; didn't have the sort of big traditional wedding what I was 'expexted' to have by my family; ended up living somewhere I'd never expected to live). I'm so glad I made those choices.

That said if your daughter does want that more conventional path, there's every chance she will still find what she is looking for. And there are a lot of ways to have a child, and a lot of ways to be happy without a child - something else I can see in my friends in my 40s, who have a lot of diversity in terms of their life setups and have broadened my horizons about how a woman's life can be.

Izzasaurus · 02/05/2026 12:15

Oh and to add: no idea what your relationship with your DD is like so this might not apply to you, but I found few things more difficult than my DM asking me questions about partners or expressing disappointment if a relationship didn't work out for me. I used to find that so humiliating and feel like I was a disappointment to her. I think it actually made me more reluctant to take a chance on relationships in case I had to tell her it hadn't worked out. It also kept reinforcing for me the idea that my life was somehow lacking just because I didn't have a husband - an idea I maybe internalised a bit but which definitely came from her and from her fears.

Original poster

Twoshoesnewshoes · 02/05/2026 12:17

Thanks @Izzasaurus
she is more traditional than me - I am happy with whatever my children choose, I wasn’t married when any of the were born.
i just feel sad for her because I know she wants a family and a relationship. It must be so hard for her to see all of her friends moving on.

OP posts:

Original poster

Twoshoesnewshoes · 02/05/2026 12:18

Yes, we are close but I would never comment on her relationship status or anything like that - when she said she wasn’t seeing this bloke anymore I just said oh I’m sorry, and left it at that.
i guess that’s why im posting here.

OP posts:

ASDnocareer · 02/05/2026 12:28

Twoshoesnewshoes · 02/05/2026 12:18

Yes, we are close but I would never comment on her relationship status or anything like that - when she said she wasn’t seeing this bloke anymore I just said oh I’m sorry, and left it at that.
i guess that’s why im posting here.

You seem like a great Mum OP! I found it so difficult when my parents would add pressure and almost blame me for being single

31 is still pretty young imo

I really agree with Izzasurus’ posts

Izzasaurus · 02/05/2026 15:51

Totally fair enough - I realised my second comment might not be relevant to you really.

It sounds like you really care about your DD and that your sadness comes from seeing that she is yearning for something she doesn't have at the moment.

There is definitely reason to hold hope that she can have what she would like. Your description also gives the impression that your DD has a lot going for her.

UpDownAllAround1 · 02/05/2026 23:45

the fact she has been a bridesmaid so many times, says to me she is nice woman. She will be fine

UpDownAllAround1 · 02/05/2026 23:45

the fact she has been a bridesmaid so many times, says to me she is nice woman. She will be fine

Pherian · 03/05/2026 14:08

Twoshoesnewshoes · 02/05/2026 11:53

Feeling sad for DD today.
she had been seeing someone whom I think she was very keen on - I asked last night and she simply said she wasn’t seeing him anymore.
she is 31, all of her friends are getting married, she has been a bridesmaid seven times in the past two years.
i was a young (ish) mum and she had previously always said she wanted to start a family in her late 20s as she valued having younger parents.
she has a great career, bought her own flat, really good group of friends…I just feel so sad for her today.
reassure me that it can all still happen for her x

You’re being a bit dramatic. She is 31 years old.

When she’s ready there are plenty of dating apps out there where she can explicitly say what she wants she can meet someone looking for the same.

Emmz1510 · 03/05/2026 14:21

Is she sad or worried about it though?

Nogimachi · 03/05/2026 14:25

Ah, so sorry OP. There is still time. I met my now husband aged 34, married at 37, my girls were born when I was 38 and 41.

So she still has plenty of time, though I also have a friend where we were single in parallel until I met my husband. She unfortunately did not meet anyone until past childbearing age (or she did, but one let her down, and one she broke up with because she felt she didn’t feel
as strongly about him as about her ex.)
I would say that she was quite rigid about what a potential partner should be like (for example, she would never have considered a man without a degree - my husband doesn’t have a degree and it really hasn’t been any barrier to our relationship!) , and being more open-minded and flexible might have helped her. Not suggesting anyone settle but in your 30s creating artificial barriers does you no favours.

Sonny36 · 03/05/2026 14:28

Everyone’s life takes a different path and she may find the love of her life soon. My brother and sil married in their 30s and are incredibly happy and glad to have left it later to meet each other. I think people today do things a little later than we did and it can be a really good thing. Being a young mum is amazing but she’s still young enough to enjoy it. We naturally worry and overthink about our children’s lives but they will be happy whatever happens. It’s lovely that you are so concerned about her xxx

Highlandcows · 03/05/2026 14:42

I didnt meet my husband until I was 36. We had our little boy when I was 39, we got married last year when I was 42! She definitely has time!

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 03/05/2026 14:47

She is only 31
I didn’t meet my husband until I was 35 and I had my first baby at 36.
she has plenty of time

cauliflowercheeseplease · 03/05/2026 15:06

@Twoshoesnewshoes I was 34 when I met my current partner, I’ll be 38 this year. Expecting our 2nd baby very soon.

happened for me when I least expected it and my family were also sad for me because they knew how much I wanted to settle down and have a family of my own , especially since there are not many of us left in my family now. Lost my mum last year, my grandparents health has sadly declined so much they can’t really enjoy my DS and I’m lucky I do have a Dad who is very helpful.

She will get her happy ending 🩷

JoyousCoralPombear · 03/05/2026 15:07

I met my husband at 36 at work, completely different to my usual type but I was more open than when I was younger. My type clearly wasn't working. I had my son at 38, sold our seperate properties and bought together and got married at 41.

westcott · 03/05/2026 15:08

She is still young.

RS1987 · 03/05/2026 15:14

I have countless examples of people who fell in love with their partner after 30 - don’t worry, and hopefully she won’t pick up on your feelings

Original poster

Twoshoesnewshoes · 03/05/2026 15:18

Thank you all so much, it’s really lovely and reassuring to hear your stories of it all working out.
yes I think she is sad - she is very ambitious career wise but also really wants to have children.

OP posts:

EarthSight · 03/05/2026 15:32

UpDownAllAround1 · 02/05/2026 23:45

the fact she has been a bridesmaid so many times, says to me she is nice woman. She will be fine

Narrow minded assumption. I haven't been bridesmaid to anyone other than family because my closest friend never got married. Sadly I've found it difficult to make female friends, even though I'd like to, but it's not because I'm not nice.

EarthSight · 03/05/2026 15:35

Twoshoesnewshoes · 03/05/2026 15:18

Thank you all so much, it’s really lovely and reassuring to hear your stories of it all working out.
yes I think she is sad - she is very ambitious career wise but also really wants to have children.

Her main obstacle in the next few years will be avoiding future fakers and Peter Pans. There are several threads on here about that so fingers crossed she'll avoid those.

Thatsthebottomline · 03/05/2026 15:38

Tell her not to worry, Jack Reacher is just around the corner. In-between his successful property development company and redeveloping that castle in Scotland hes been really busy.

Letty186 · 03/05/2026 16:06

I was in a similar situation when I was younger (although only had the privilege of being bridesmaid once). Thought I’d marry in my 20’s have a child by 26/28.

in reality I didn’t meet the right many until I was in my 30’s. Married at 35 and child at 37.

whilst I’d have loved to have done it earlier, it can still happen.

Boxiboxi21 · 03/05/2026 16:21

I met my DP at 38 and we are currently expecting a baby. :)