Feeling sad today - love after 30?

[Twoshoesnewshoes]

Feeling sad for DD today.
she had been seeing someone whom I think she was very keen on - I asked last night and she simply said she wasn’t seeing him anymore.
she is 31, all of her friends are getting married, she has been a bridesmaid seven times in the past two years.
i was a young (ish) mum and she had previously always said she wanted to start a family in her late 20s as she valued having younger parents.
she has a great career, bought her own flat, really good group of friends…I just feel so sad for her today.
reassure me that it can all still happen for her x

OP, you sound lovely! Caring because you know it’s what your daughter wants is very different from caring even though your daughter is fine with being single (a much more common mother-daughter dynamic, I suspect).

I do think that your DD will be fine though, as 31 is quite young these days to settle down - I haven’t been to a wedding where the bride was under 30 for years.

I’ll throw in my experience: met a very ‘good on paper’ man when I was 31 and thought it was my forever relationship. We moved in together which was a first for me. The relationship came crashing down when I was 34 because I didn’t fancy him at all. I thought it was game over and essentially embraced being single. Took my life in a whole new direction and emigrated by myself to my dream city at 35. I met DP soon after that, and 18 months later here we are engaged. 😊

My Mum could have written this for me a while back. We never know what will happen or what will work out.

it was what I wanted too, when she is ready look at options, socialising more (not easy when at 31 most are settled or divorcing and not wanting to settle down again). However there are some in the same boat, consider internet dating - paid sites though as free ones often attract ones looking exclusively for fun - and weirdos.

I think Match you can state you want a LTR (long term relationship) and if you want children, so it’s stated and very obvious. Other sites are availabke but choose well known ones.

At 31 you learn to not want to waste time.

Here I am with 3 children and a very happy (2nd) marriage. She just may need someone ready to be positive and on her side, cue Super Mum!
just be warned if you go internet dating it can feel a roller coaster, but if any are no good it’s like rebooking your driving test after a fail, just keep going.

She's still in her prime...unless you had a very early menopause yourself she has another 10 years to meet the right partner and start a family. 31 is still young but with a bit of wisdom thrown in...it was my favourite era..but didn't realise I would experience menopause around 10 years earlier than average...like my Mum.
Either way panicking on someone else's behalf isn't doing them any favours. They need to be happy alone enough to meet the right person and to let the wrong people go. It is more than possible to have children outside of the old social norm I few up with

No that’s it. She’s ancient 🙄

My friend met her husband at 35, married at 36, baby at 38. People are having kids later, they're more expensive and it's harder to get settled on the property ladder. Good for her having her career, her own home - better to wait for someone worth her time than settle for an idiot and be posting on here that she's got a newborn and the dad is off at the pub/golfing/clubbing etc. She's doing it the right way!

Only if you interpret their comment to mean people who have never been bridesmaids are NOT nice? Clearly what they're saying is she has friends who love her enough to make her a bridesmaid, which is a good sign. That doesn't mean the reverse is a bad sign.

Yeah, much better to make am entire post about the non issue.

Jfc she's 31. Get a grip. "Love after 30" nah, send her to an old peoples home immediately.

Ffs get a grip. The commenter was just paying a compliment and you have to go making it about yourself and being offended by something she didn’t even say! Work on your self-esteem instead of tearing down other women.

I got out of an abusive relationship when I was 31, I still felt really young and wasn’t worried about my time being past, quite the opposite tbh. I felt my world opened up to more possibilities. Although I didn’t know it at the time, I already knew my future DH. I knew a guy at work and we were friends. When he found out I was single he asked me out, I put him off for a while but danced with him at the Christmas party months later, bish bash bosh, 27yrs, marriage and 2 children later, here we are.

Don't let her watch Friends.

Rachel: As I was saying… I should probably have the first of the three kids by the time I’m 35 which gives me five years. I love this plan! I wanna marry this plan!
Phoebe: If you could do that, I’d marry the hippity-hop.
Rachel: So, if I wanna have my kid when I’m 35, I don’t have to get pregnant until I’m 34. Which gives Prada four years to start making maternity clothes! Oh wait, but I do want to be married for a year before I get pregnant…
Monica: Really! That long?! (Chandler slowly turns and looks at her.) (To Chandler) Look all you want, it’s happening!
Rachel: No, so I don’t have to get married until I’m 33! That’s three years, that’s three whole years—Oh, wait a minute though. I’ll need a year and a half to plan the wedding, and I’d like to know the guy for a year, year and a half before we get engaged… Which means I need to meet the guy by the time I’m thirty.
Ross: Which is fine! Because you just turned—(Removes two candles from the cake)—twenty-eight!
Rachel: No! Ross, no! It is not fine! Eh-eh-according to my plan I should already be with the guy I wanna marry!

30 is no age. I barely know anyone in my (I guess quite career minded) circle who had kids in their 20s.

Just don’t let her get wind of this ‘sadness’. Much better to have a great career and friendship circle than to be with the wrong bloke

I’ve just turned 30. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had has left me or cheated on me, other than one that I left. My friends are getting engaged and having kids now, no one’s getting married yet though, but I’m stuck behind. I lost a baby 3 years ago after my ex split up with me. Anyway, I met DP last year and I’m very happy and I hope one day we can get married and have children together. Your life isn’t over because you’ve not met your husband or whatever by 25 like our grandparents did. Life is different now and lots and lots of people don’t even get married until their mid-to-late 30s. I wouldn’t worry about it.

Out of interest, where do people live where at 30 “most people are settled down or divorcing”? I don’t recognise this at all, everyone I know who’s married got married after 30 and none are divorcing (we’re all in our 30s and 40s). When I was 30, I knew as many single people as people in relationships. I live in a big city and my social circle is career/travel/fun minded, I suppose. Still, I didn’t know there were still places in the West where the majority were settled by 30.

Edit: Just looked it up, the average age of a bride for first marriages is 31.5, so the majority of people/women are in fact not married by 30.

I would say she just needs to meet as many people as possible and do as much as possible. Sometimes when I see these posts and they continually pop up over the years I wonder is it worth asking the enemy, men what it is that makes them want to go that further step?

I think the OP sounds like a lovely caring mum. Mine are a bit younger but both still single (but looking for a relationship). It’s hard to watch things not work out for them. So I get it.

But when she does meet someone, things can happen very quickly. I moved in with my second husband after a few months and was pregnant within less than a year!

People couple up at all ages. Plenty of people divorced or split up at her age.

You say that you are sad and worried, that It must be hard for her to see all of her friends moving on, and that you think she is sad.
You're very careful not to talk about her relationships, but you're making assumptions and posting about her on here as if she's a charity case.
I'd not be happy if my mum came on MN portraying me like that, saying that she is sad for me and asking for reassurance, rather than asking me privately how I actually feel and reassuring me if required.

Nice that your DD has a loving mother who cares about her!

I would have thought most people wait till their 30s to settle down and start a family these days. At least, it’s not at all unusual, so your DD shouldn’t be feeling left behind.

DH and I met in our 40s and have been happily married for more than 20 years. I wish the same good luck to your DD, but a bit earlier xx

20 years ago it seemed to be much more the trend to marry and have children later. Out of my 8 close friends only one had children in her 20’s and they weren’t planned.
The others had their eldest at 38 and second early 40’s. A couple didn’t have kids at all.
I adopted instead, partly because I wanted this route but also because there was nobody i wanted kids with and had no real urge.
The point I am trying to make is that its only recently that getting married and having a family younger is sort of now more fashionable or the ‘done’ thing.
There are so many ways life can go and many regret having kids too early.
I have zero regrets.

Hi, I couldn’t read this and run
I had my first baby at 20, second at 26 and third at 27 all with the same horrible narcissistic man. I turned 30 yesterday and cried nearly all day because he was being so horrible to me, and I’ve ended up wondering how my life has ended up like this. All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved too, however at least your daughter hasn’t had children with a horrible man who will grow up remembering their parents arguing. I love my children to death but I haven’t done any of the nice things your daughter has had. I don’t have any friends, never been a bridesmaid, my life is pretty empty other than being a mum. She has soooooo much time still to find someone and have kids, so many people are doing it later in life now too. The right one will come along just make sure she knows not to settle for any less than what she deserves because once children are in the picture it’s a whole different ball game.

She does of course still have LOTS of time, but it’s true to say if she has her standards and won’t compromise (not that she should), it doesn’t get easier. My friend’s dd is early 30’s and has frozen her eggs just to take that pressure off.

I met my husband when I was 31 and had basically given up hope, being a mum was all I ever wanted. I have endometriosis too so was worried. 11 yrs later we are married with a DS and best doggo ever. I kept picking the "wrong" one. Abusive, involved in drugs, cheating etc. I was naïve and didnt have clue. My husband is my partner in everything. My best friend. He is also a HOTTIE.
Our son was born when I was 38. She has time and on her behalf I have hope.

I am a mum to 3yr old DS and I go golfing every Saturday while my fab husband does activities with our son. I met DH when I was 31. Had our son at 38. My husband still goes to gym and plays football. I still run and play golf. Weird to say people shouldnt have hobbies especially involving exercise after they have children...

Would you rather she settled for the wrong one? She’s only 31 and plenty time if that’s still what she wishes

At 31 I was just dumping my latest ex . I had a good career and a home of my own - plus a string of unsuitable exs .
At 34 I was pregnant with my first child and had my 2nd at 37. My marriage to my childrens father didn’t last & I spent 7 years single & bringing up my children .I knew deep down that my parents wanted me to meet someone else but I was in no hurry and I loved those years , I didn’t mention anyone I dated to them as couldn’t stand the pressure & questions - I very much grew & changed as a person during that time
I married my 2nd husband at 50 . I’m now very happy.
31 isn’t too late to start again . Obviously you’re worried about her being sad but she’s plenty of time to kiss more frogs if that’s what it takes - don’t write her off just yet !

OMG. 31 is so young. Relax and enjoy life before all the responsibilities kick in.....