Can't leave domestic abuse relationship because of my dog

[dogproblems1]

I need to leave and my friend offered I can stay with her until I find accomodation, but unfortunately I can't have my dog at her house because she has a cat. I contacted freedom who foster dogs in this situation, but they only foster if you are going to stay in a refuge and have a supported worker helping you find accomodation.

But I am not going to stay in a refuge, I will stay with a friend and I can find somewhere to rent on my own, I just need to stay a month or two with a friend so I can save up money for a deposit and first months rent. Is there no support for someone in this situation? Has anyone been in this situation and has advice?

1. The pet is often the victim's best friend.
2. The abuser will often hurt the pet.

Ukrainians fleeing an actual warzone were encouraged to take their pets because we now recognise the damage it does to people to leave their pets behind. https://www.timesofisrael.com/refugees-best-friend-as-ukrainians-flee-war-dogs-cats-and-other-pets-come-too/

Don't mean this to sound horrible but stopping yourself and your children getting hurt is way more important than a dog imo. I understand it's a beloved pet but people trump animals and if you're trying to escape from severe daily beatings then I'm sorry but the dog just isn't as important as you. And though I haven't had a dog, I have been in a situation where I had to escape beatings and SA so I do know how hard it is

though I haven't had a dog

So you don't know how hard it would be to leave that dog with your abuser, knowing that the animal will take the brunt of the abuser's retaliation when he realises that you have left.

Cases like OP's are why Dogs' Trust Freedom and Cats' Protection Lifeline exist.

There is quality research

https://aifs.gov.au/media/fears-pets-barrier-escaping-family-violence#:~:text=Fears%20for%20the%20safety%20of,Institute%20of%20Family%20Studies%20(AIFS).

@Devilsmommy I've had colleagues traumatised - literally signed off for months - because they've had to leave their pets in conflict zones when war has unexpectedly broken out.

Leaving a pet behind can be devastating.

OP - I am so sorry for what you're going through. Try the closest thing to your breed specific rescue ( I know you say your dog is a cross, but just give it a go). They might be able to help in this scenario. I know mine would.

Totally understand that leaving a pet can be devastating but it's far more devastating to not be able to escape constant physical abuse because of a dog thereby risking your actual life because let's face it, how many women are killed by their partners every week? An abuse victims life is worth far more than a dog, even if it's a beloved pet

100%

@Devilsmommy the mental health benefits for people, particularly those suffering from domestic violence, of having a pet are incredible. We've had women come to our rescue before asking for short term fostering help because they can't find anywhere willing to take their dog and they need to leave urgently.

Many of them would rather stay in an abusive situation than risk further damage to their mental health by leaving their dog behind - you really cannot underestimate the effect a pet (but particularly a dog) can have on someone's mental health. Sometimes the dog/pet is the only reason they have not resorted to something drastic.

It's very easy to say 'it's just a dog' until you've had one and realised the dog is the only thing that has stopped you taking your own life - because that is how important and valuable a dog can be to some people. It is the only thing they have.

Obviously I don't get it but I understand I guess. Like the only way I'd have stayed would have been if I'd had a child with my abuser and couldn't easily get away. It's a shitty situation all round for OP. I really hope she can find a place for the dog

And though I haven't had a dog

Then you wouldn't understand the bond between dog and owner, they are family.

You could try posting on the pets section here (the doghouse) and you might be lucky and find someone nearby who could take your dog for a couple of months or suggest someone who could help

I agree with looking into local Facebook groups, rescues etc. My friend temporarily fosters cats in circumstances like yours, she's loosely affiliated with a local rescue but does this independently. A couple of the women never got in touch again, but she's aware that's always a possibility and was quite happy to add those cats to her permanent feline family!

Good luck, OP, hope it all works out for you x

No chance you can get the money to rent together so you can be together?

I’m so sorry 😔

What about whatever the cheapest air b n b is? Like a caravan ?

What about looking on the Rover app? I k know what you mean sbout handing your dog to a stranger, but people who work with animals eg vet nurses or students on related courses often advertise on there as a way of supplementing their income.

Or contact a local dog day care and see if any of their staff could help?

Oh op I totally get it , I have fostered for friends of friends in similar situations , I have 5 dogs now one ended up staying but her owner visits regular.
i left DV I wouldn’t of left my dog not only as my children were bonded with him but he was also vulnerable if he had of stayed behind ,
I know of a great lady in the Cannock area if you want to message me I can send you her details , she fosters , rescues the lot x

I would stay in an abusive situation rather than leave my dogs

Does your friend have a garden and your dog could stay out there in a kennel/cage to stop it from meeting the cat? It's not ideal but the warmer weather is here now so it might work? Or my neighbour's "difficult" dog sleeps in her car to keep it away from her other dogs...could that work in the short term?

It’s a long shot but would a small local rescue be able help. I mean the small ones usually run by a dedicated person or couple.

They tend to be more flexible and have tons of contacts including people that foster for them. I’m currently long term fostering a cat and it’s run by a single woman who has the final say on everything.

Bless you, I hope things work out for you all.

The dog will need to go into kennels unless somebody you know is willing to look after it. You could try posting on you local facebook group asking fof help