Is inconsistent texting normal in a friends with benefits situation?

[Pinkfuzzyoctopus]

Hi,

Need everyone’s opinion on this please.

Got a friend with benefits. We have been on and off for a while. He disappears, comes back, goes again, comes back. The most recent comeback was very intense. Texting every day, all day, all night, sending morning messages. Messages were very emotionally heavy, sharing a lot of our lives with each other, advice, having a laugh etc. Bit much for friends with benefits to be honest.

Anyway, he went quiet so I sent a message asking if things were ok. Nothing, I left it for a bit and sent another asking if everything was ok. It had went from full on contact to nothing. He got in touch telling me it was too much, I was too much and this wasn’t what he wanted. All my flabbers were gasted! He was the one who was initiating it all so to say that to me was absolutely diabolical.

I basically called him out, he came back saying he was sorry and missed me. I told him he was a disgrace. I told him this was his last chance and he was not to treat me like shit again, he said he wouldn’t. He started texting every morning again, we chatted, I kept messages short as I was still pissed off with him, now he has dropped back on the texts. He replies about five hours later and sometimes it can be a day.

What is this man all about?? I’ve never known anyone blow as hot and cold like he does. I don’t want a relationship from him, he is someone to talk to (when he can be bothered) and we have sex. That’s all I’m in it for however I do expect respect and not to be treated like crap.

Are men like this nowadays, do they just text as and when they fancy, am I expecting too much from him?

I know I’ve been too soft before anyone says it. I’ve given him too many chances, far too many!

Thanks everyone ❤️

The only friends with benefits arrangements that have worked for me were when we were not actual friends before the arrangement began. We met online, they were completely separate from my social life, work colleagues etc and I wanted it to stay that way. We would hook up for drinks, dinner, cinema or whatever and yes have sex. Expectations were managed and boundaries put in place.

Why did you match his energy when he was texting "all day every day" with emotionally heavy chats? No need to do that - just text as often as you want and as light as you want. You're letting him set the pace and then getting offended when he changes it. Be clear on your own boundaries and needs and things will work better - or they won't and you'll know its not for you.