After being single for over a year, I deided to get out there after being with a fearful avoidant, after nearly 3 months I get this 😩 (he didn’t meet my child)
I think we need to rewind a couple of weeks. The same things that were screaming at me in my head then are still there now and it's just getting harder and harder the more I see you and keep hoping I'll suddenly feel differently. I won't. I'll always have this doubt going on and a sense of panic that I'm not doing the right thing and that usually means it's not the right thing! I'm just ignoring it because I don't want it to be true and I like spending time with you. The only reason I'm messaging and not ringing is because, one, we have already discussed this and we will go round in circles, and two, I don't want to talk myself out of it or soften it up trying not to disappoint you. I am happy to talk to you obviously but I needed to be clear in what I'm saying without waffling. I know now that I need to date someone who either has kids that are grown up or maybe doesn't have them. I thought maybe I could do it but the reality is that I cant. I can't be trusted to commit to something that big and not end up letting everyone down. I want to make up for time that I lost too much for it not to be an issue. Too many things I want to do that don't involve children. I hope you understand and know it's nothing you've done. I wish it was because I didn't like you! It would be a lot easier. Been quite gutt wrenching and I'm not sure how I let myself fall back in to this situation so I apologise for that. I've spent too much time on my own and I thought I could readjust to be able to have a child around every evening but I'm too used to my own space now, it's not something I want.