Am I unreasonable to feel hurt about football trip over family holiday?

[ThisOpenLimeLion]

Just after honest opinions / thoughts on the below situation please.
i have wanted to book a family holiday (with our 2 year old ) towards the end of the year for a few months now however my husband ( who is always the sensible one ) has said that we want to spend some money on house renovations / improvements this year so let’s hold off. Although initially I was disappointed I understood this and agreed. Anyway fast forward 2 months and there is the potential that his football team he supports may make it into a European final abroad and he expressed that he would like to go ! I was very upset when he mentioned this and felt like how can he spend money on this and not prioritise a family holiday. His argument was that the two are not comparable - a family holiday likely to be more expensive so how can I compare. He also said that we have a couple of short trips booked already, one with extended family and a weekend just the two of us but as I pointed out nothing just the three of us. I can completely understand that it may be a once in a lifetime opportunity for him however I can’t help but feel sad that he’s happy to think about booking a football trip but not commit now to a holiday with his wife and child. In my opinion he should either do both or not at all. Am I wrong/ 😑 overeating? I don’t want to cause a huge argument about it but want my husband to understand how I feel about the situation.

I say yabu, but you should get to go on a single trip with your girlfriends while he looks after 2 year old. And definitely you should ve looking to book a family holiday for next year, at 3 years old they'll get more out of it anyway.

I’m usually quick to criticise men on here but don’t think he’s U if the cost is reasonable and unless he’s generally not a great partner / father.

DC is tiny still, won’t notice if there’s not a holiday.

Yes you're wrong. European finals don't come around often. I'd pick one over a family holiday in a heartbeat. And I'd encourage my dh to do the same. I don't expect non football people to understand this though.
Edited to add you can always go on holiday as a family next year.

Sorry but I’m with him. My team won a European final a couple of years ago and my ex DH and our DS went to the final in Prague.
It’s a once in a lifetime experience.

I loathe football, but if something equivalent came up in something I’m interested in, a once in a lifetime exhibition or my only chance to hear a particular opera singer or a gig something, I’d choose it in a heartbeat over a family holiday.

YABU - seeing your team in Europe can be a once in a lifetime event for some football fans. Seeing them in a final even rarer! He can potentially do the trip in a day too (I did with Madrid and Vienna) or a couple of days max.

I get you are disappointed about the holiday, but book something in the UK for this year - cheaper and can be as much fun! Home renovations seem a sensible thing to spend money on.

I'm into football and I understand how it takes over people's lives. But I think it's extremely double standards of OP's H to talk about prioritising their money for the home improvements over the need for a holiday but then to say his football interests take prescedence over both.

And I would dispute that he will be able to do the football trip cheaply. The match tickets will be expensive and the travelling expenses, accommodation and the inevitable boozing and entertainment with his pals will all add up to a substantial amount.

I think OP is right to be annoyed that she and his child are less important to him than his football.

I think yanbu

i don’t get this support your team at the expense of your family. So the 2 year old won’t remember the family holiday but you will and your feelings, experiences and memories are just as important.

can you and the toddler go away together on holiday and leave your husband to decorate to his wee hearts content?

Yes but @ThisOpenLimeLion will notice.

If cost was the main reason for not going on a family holiday, I'd ask to do a comparison between what he will spend on the football trip and what the holiday you wanted is.
If it is close in cost, you are not unreasonable. If it is a fraction for him to go to the football, I'd say unreasonable as its not something that always happens.

Yabu. Of course it’s not a comparable cost or experience. and you have other trips booked.

the cost of a single person going on holiday probably staying somewhere cheap and cheerful for a quick weekend is not the same at all. It’s £1000s of pounds difference.

if you don’t want to be sensible sacrifice the renovations for the family holiday as well then.
Or do a trip closer to home and do a long weekend at a British seaside

I've been to European Cup Finals and trust me, they're not cheap 😪

For many this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and it's not like he can say he'll just go and watch his team in a ECF next year.

You can however agree to plan a wonderful family holiday in 2027 and maybe every other year thereafter.

I hate football & this all encompassing obsession it has for some people.
Id ask DH to show how much his trip will actually cost - tickets, travel, accommodation & expenses & compare to a cheap family holiday. If you can go out of school holidays, places like Eurocamp can be only a £100 or so for a week.
Also - if you can’t afford the family holiday due to renovation costs, he surely can’t afford his trip either?

Oh no I am so sorry what a selfish man I see he isn't putting all of his football money into the house refurbishments!

Yanbu. A last minute trip and tickets likely to be FAR more expensive than a reasonable family holiday outside of school holiday season. I would be pretty disappointed too.

This is why I never committed myself to a sports fan!
It’s selfish, but he will likely go and you’ll sit at home feeling fed up.
Going away in the UK is pretty rubbish compared to a warm trip overseas.

YANBU and him saying it will be cheaper to go to watch his team abroad is bollocks. Tickets for those matches are expensive, plus the hotels will all hike their prices and it will only be him using the room, whereas if you and DS were there too you'd all be in one room and it wouldn't be any more expensive.

Is it likely that he'll get a ticket? Is he a season ticket holder and does he usually go to European games? Ive been to a European Cup final and the tickets are genuinely really difficult to get hold of even if youre a season ticket holder. If he doesnt get one through official channels then your looking at thousands via resale. I think I'd just not worry about it for now. They're not even through to the final and then if they get there his chances of getting a ticket are slim. I'd have no problem with him going though, its a once in a lifetime experience for many. Long way to go to see your team get battered by PSG though 😉

Normally I would agree but Dd1 and I always wanted to see Ozzy live together, when there was whispers of a final gig I told her we would go. Unfortunately circumstances were such we couldn’t afford for all of us to take a holiday or even all 4 to go to a gig but I told DH I would absolutely take Dd1 if it happened and he agreed that was fine as she and I are due hard Ozzy, Sabbeth and all things Osbourne fans. Unfortunately she was ill when BTTB was announced and we didn’t risk it but otherwise I’d absolutely have borrowed the money and gone. Instead we live streamed from her hospital bed sobbing like crazy at Mama. If it’s likely to be a once in a lifetime and DC is only 2 I think I would understand

As much as people rave about holidays with a 2 year old can be completely miserable
flights, not sleeping, noisy hotels and boring nights

I don't think you're unreasonable.

He will resent you forever if you stopped him from going. These things don't come around every year for certain football teams.

Make sure you do something equally exciting another time. Treat yourself!

Is there a way to balance all 3 goals - so money set aside for the house reno stuff, an amount set aside for the family holiday and an amount for him for the football?

Or perhaps - while he is at football
you go away with toddler at that time
or another agreed time?

Is that in any way possible?

If his football trip excludes any sort of balance / compromise then maybe there is an element of selfishness there.

I also have to declare that I don’t
have any sort of football interest and so I find their obsession or interest difficult to relate to.

I do think negotiation is better than a stand off so I hope you can work
it out.

If it’s CPFC then I think there are 11,500 final tickets allocated to us and I believe c14,000 season tickets. So chances quite good if he’s a season ticket holder.

And for anyone other that Arsenal the final is a huge and rare opportunity.

Pick your battles. Let him go on the football trip.