Please could you help me with my date from yesterday?

[sunmoonandmars]

I just want to start by saying that im a worrier.

been seeing a lovely man, 3 kids, for 2 months, he felt a little distant at first but out that down to busy job and seeing kids every other weekend 100 miles away, and visiting sick parents monthly.

contact has become very affectionate, he holds my hand, is very attentive, and cooked me dinner when I was sick last week. We have been meeting once every 10 days though due to family and work commitments on both sides.

We went for lovely dinner last night, came back to mine, he was very affectionate, I said it would be nice to meet more frequently as I enjoyed his company and missed him. He told me we had been busy, but didn’t say he wanted to see me more. He asked me what I was doing this weekend, i was relatively free and he told me he might play tennis, no offer to meet. He left without kissing me, and for the first time didn’t text when he reached home. This morning I texted him a link to a hotel we had talked about. He hasn’t replied,

im not sure what has happened or what i have done.

Does he usually text you to chat during the day?

Sounds like he doesn’t want more and freaked out a bit.

was this the first time you had sex?

Sounds like he’s had a change of heart sorry OP yet another time waster, you haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t chase him.

sorry I have just seen an update, I didn’t realise you had DTD, this sadly is standard behaviour.

Are you sure he isn't a married man and you're his bit on the side?

He definitely isn’t married, I’ve been to his home a few times. We have had sex maybe 5 times ?

during the dinner we were trying to plan a weekend in Paris- his idea!! We didn’t find a mutual weekend though

do you think it was my pressing for more dates that caused this? He was very affectionate before the chat

been seeing a lovely man, 3 kids, for 2 months, he felt a little distant at first but out that down to busy job and seeing kids every other weekend 100 miles away, and visiting sick parents monthly

why? Just why? Why even carry on with this relationship? It has issues and drama stamped all over it. Do you have kids?

Don’t message tonight and see what happens tomorrow. He has set out a number of reasons/excuses why he might not be in contact (work, kids, parents) that may be used as contact lessens. See what he says

Well I have a grown up daughter, and also very sick parents so it did feel nice to have some common ground I thought

I still think he's married and living away from his wife every ten days or so (for work, I expect).

He seems to have a lot of reasons to be "away" from you - the DC and the sick parents.

These are three dependent children.

And he lives 100 miles from them!

I mean… why do it to yourself.

Step back a bit and see if he chases contact. If not leave him be. It isn’t game playing it’s just protecting your boundaries.

Why does he live 100miles from his little kids?

Sounds to me like he's actually busy. I doubt it you did anything wrong. Since you only met him yesterday (and if you're prepared to wait), I'd wait another while. It does sound like he has other priorities at the moment though, if you're ok with that..

Sorry I think I’m exaggerating as I felt a bit panicked. He lives 40 miles from his kids, so imagine south London and Oxford (not theee actual places)

his ex wife moved back to the UK after they separated - they lived in a popular ex pat country, and he moved back to the UK to be close to
the kids but did not want to live in the same place as it’s a village so moved back to his rental flat in London. He sees them every other weekend so I didn’t really judge

Why the negativity? You do realise most people aged 30+ have baggage? As an ‘older’ dater if you said no to everyone with kids, elderly parents and a busy job that’d leave you with very, very few options - is it better to date a man with no baggage who still lives at home with his mum, has never had a serious relationship, works a very low responsibility job in a supermarket or something, and doesn’t give a shit about his parents? I know which one I’d pick. As a grown up, it’s about understanding that people have lived lives and navigating that as best you can

It sounds like you pushed for a little bit more and he ran. This is going nowhere OP.

New to mumsnet?

A man with 3 dependents living 100 miles away - yep, they’ll be drama.

and the op has no dependents.

You told him you wanted to meet more frequently but you've been seeing each other for 2 months every ten days so you've only see each other 6 times .

Maybe, if he felt you were moving too fast it probably didn't help that you sent him a link to a hotel today .

You told him you miss him...maybe a bit intense for 2 months?

I have to agree with a few comments above, seems like your coming in to fast to strong.
It only been 2 months 8 weeks and your planing get aways together texing i miss you, i mean you dont really know each other.
Its all to fast to intense.

Sorry but this happens, even after much longer together. You told him what you needed and instead of having a conversation about what can work for you both, he’s stopped communicating.
You can call it ghosting, being an avoidant, or just plain rude. The outcome is the same. You don’t want the same things and you’re better off finding someone else who can behave like an adult.

i wonder if I was too strong but he’s also told me how much he likes being with me, holds my hand when out, made sure i eat when I was sick last week so I didn’t think it was a huge jump. The going away for a weekend was his idea, and also told me he would have liked to have been with me when I was aaaay for a weekend with a friend
I guess if it’s too good to be true then it probably is 😳!

In the two months… how many dates have you actually been on? Given he’s away EOW, has a very busy full time
job and elderly parent caring duties?

Once every 10 days

and you’ve been together 2 months

so you have met, in person, 6 times?