Please could you help me with my date from yesterday?

[sunmoonandmars]

I just want to start by saying that im a worrier.

been seeing a lovely man, 3 kids, for 2 months, he felt a little distant at first but out that down to busy job and seeing kids every other weekend 100 miles away, and visiting sick parents monthly.

contact has become very affectionate, he holds my hand, is very attentive, and cooked me dinner when I was sick last week. We have been meeting once every 10 days though due to family and work commitments on both sides.

We went for lovely dinner last night, came back to mine, he was very affectionate, I said it would be nice to meet more frequently as I enjoyed his company and missed him. He told me we had been busy, but didn’t say he wanted to see me more. He asked me what I was doing this weekend, i was relatively free and he told me he might play tennis, no offer to meet. He left without kissing me, and for the first time didn’t text when he reached home. This morning I texted him a link to a hotel we had talked about. He hasn’t replied,

im not sure what has happened or what i have done.

This man is a stranger to you. But youve been in his house and he in yours? He knows your address etc?

You really need to be more careful and mindful. There are lots of weirdos out there!

Even if he isnt dodgy, youve met him 6 times and you miss him and want to go on a weekend away? Its so very fast.

Higher your standards to protect yourself - holding your hand isnt a huge thing, nor is cooking you some dinner (he ate too i imagine?).

Please be very careful in future 🤗

When he suggested going away maybe he didn`t meen right a way.
Holding hands and telling you he likes you tbh is nothing but sweet talk.
Op your going to fast, your still strangers.
He has kids and sick edly parents to take care for.
Your already online asking for help because hes not messaged you since last night, and not kissed you good by.
Slow down.

Maybe he will be in contact soon or maybe he feels he`s dodged a bullet.
I know what my thought would be.

You did nothing wrong by expressing that you would like to see him a bit more often. It's much better to be up front about what you want in a relationship rather than playing games or hoping that he'll read your mind! If this has made him back off, then he's not the one for you. Maybe leave it a couple of days and see if he gets in touch. If he doesn't, chalk it up to experience and move on. It does sound like he has a lot of demands on his time so maybe he's just wondering if he can offer you what you need in a relationship?

When a man likes you, you’ll know it. If you’re confused, he doesn’t!

Sorry op but I’ve dated many, many men, and this stands true every time. I’ve had situations when the same men liked me and later didn't or the other way around so I was able to assess men’s behaviour regardless regardless of personality, etc. When a man likes a woman they always make it clear, they always find time to text (even when walking between one meeting to another, walking to their car to drive somewhere, waiting on a platform for their train home). When they’re not that keen they become busy, and start making excuses for why they haven’t had time to text, call, meet.

he’s just not that into you. Please don’t waste more time on him. Time is your most precious commodity, much more precious that the nice, rare moments you spend wirh him.

I dare say he enjoy spending time with you too but honestly - 3 children, elderly/unwell parents and lives 100 miles away - it's obvious he can't see you more often than he is at present and his life is already pressured so you adding what must feel like more pressure won't have felt good. I know if I were in his position I wouldn't have felt positive about hearing that from you and would probably have felt the need to retreat and reflect.

His life sounds much too much busy to commit to spending more time with you OP. I’ve similar busy-ness levels and I’ve stopped dating as I can’t bear when dates start wanting to see me more, even when I’ve been clear about my responsibilities.
you’ve done a good thing in expressing your wishes, but I’d be prepared that he can’t offer you much more for a couple of years at least

You have had 6 dates and you have had sex 5 times. Can you not see it? He doesn’t want to build a relationship throw this one back and find someone local and available and willing to put in some effort.

All of the things you’ve said may be true from his point of view - he may like you, might have wished he could have been with you while you were away but that doesn’t mean he wants more than he has with you just now, or that he has time in his life to make that happen.

You sound in some ways a bit passive, and in others a bit too pushy. Did you kiss him goodbye? What did you say when you messaged the hotel details? In your shoes I’d just back off a bit, it’s very early to be looking for more time given he has kids and the distances involved - can you not enjoy it for what it is and see where it leads?

Very wise words.

You’ve only been seeing him for two months and I think you need to calm down a bit.

It’s pretty mad though that he can say all those things to the OP but heaven forbid she says she misses him etc… he backs off.. some men… 🙄

You didn’t do anything wrong here, it’s the right thing to do to want your needs met. I’m sorry he’s just not into it the same way you are. He sees it as causal with sex. This isn’t what you want, so don’t hang around begging for breadcrumbs hoping he will change his mind. This is the time he’s most interested. Just end it, I’m sorry.

Sounds like he’s not ready for a serious relationship yet. If you think you can carry on as you are and be happy then I wouldn’t talk about the future or put pressure on. Just enjoy it for what it is. However, if you want more then this might not be the man for you.

How far do you two live apart? What time do each of you get off of work? Because if it's like you both get off of work at 5 o'clock and you live or work fairly close to each other, yet he never suggests meeting for dinner besides the every 10 day date, then yes, he's just been in it for short term and some intimacy. Or, he did want longterm but he's losing the spark he once felt, which can easily happen anytime during the honeymoon stage.

It's up to you if you want to have a wait and see attitude to see if things progress or things stay stagnant or regress. But your reasonable wants in seeing a partner more than every 10 days is valid. If he's not on the same page, no matter how sexy or fun he is, he's not a keeper. Best to move on to find the man who meets all of your main needs.

I would assume he’s still with his wife. You see him only at his rental flat. This is a typical set up for someone who has two or more lives.

Sounds like you might have asked for more than he’s willing or able just see if he responds then at the weekend decide what you want.

He is a man. Probably needs longer to get to where you are OP.

It sounds like you gently pushed for more and he stepped back. Best case scenario, he wants to keep things casual for now and you need to decide if you're happy with that. Worst case, he may be still married - the rental flat and meeting every 10 days does sound suspicious.

I believe he is cheating and feeling guilty.

So he did text me on Thursday, and called me too asking if I was free on Friday. I wasn’t so he said we could ‘maybe’ meet Saturday morning ‘but let’s see’. I’ve had a busy Saturday morning but he hasn’t texted to ask to meet or confirm that we won’t meet.

i get it now that I misread his interest and attentiveness but I don’t think that my ability to read people is so off. So I think it was me asking for more that caused him to pull away and be flaky as it wasn’t like this previously. I don’t think I asked too much, our previous data lasted the whole day so were not just a quick couple of hours.

Anyway, live and learn…

You did nothing wrong. You asked for what you wanted. It’s just not something he can currently give you because he has more moving parts than you do.

And actually I think calling on Thursday to ask for a date on Friday is a bit entitled, and you were right not to agree. He seems to have formed the impression you’re sitting by the phone, endlessly available.

Why on earth would you want to have a relationship with this guy? He can only see you every 10 days or so but that is clearly not enough for you. When do you think he can magic up more time ? What demands on his time do you want him to ignore, Children, work or parents ? I think after the conversation about Paris and the fact you couldn't find a mutual weekend has made him realise this isn't the relationship for him or you.

This ^^ you are probably pushing for more than he can offer right now