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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I’ve cheated….

66 replies

laughingalltheay · 15/04/2026 12:15

Fully ready to be flamed…so relationship with DH hasn’t been good for a year or so. He’s happy to plod along, sleep in separate rooms, don’t do anything together and dc are getting older now. Anyway was out with friends and met a male friend who was already out, we talk quite often but don’t really meet up. Ended up talking and went back to his and we had sex. The thing is I don’t regret it and really enjoyed it. This has made me realise there is more to life than being stuck in an unhappy relationship. I’ve told DH it’s not right at home and need a break but he doesn’t want to accept. He looks heartbroken. I need to be alone for a while but I can’t stop crying as I feel so guilty. I don’t think I can ever go back from this. I’ve never done anything like this before, never even had a thought of it.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 15/04/2026 12:16

Tell your DH
it’s the end of your marriage - you don’t regret it and so it’s over

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 15/04/2026 12:21

Look op, just tell him you cheated - do not string him along. He deserves to know the truth. Also don’t go down the route of a “break”, you know you need a divorce so just do it.

UpDownAllAround1 · 15/04/2026 12:23

Move out then

NetflixAndTakeaway · 15/04/2026 12:24

You are a cheat, the relationship is done. It’s unfair to tell your husband that you want a break when you cheated and it’s over. Tell him the truth so he knows the full facts. There’s not really anything to say other than make sure your kids get the support they need. Kids are powerless when their parents cheat and split and their life gets blown up.

SummerFrog2026 · 15/04/2026 12:28

There is more to life than being stuck in an unhappy relationship.

Yes. Divorce is a big step & splitting up the family. But life happens.

What would your DH need to do for the marriage to work again? Is this feasible? woukd you like it to wirk again or are you over it? If you've told him & he's said it's fine as it is, then he has no one to blame but himself for not taking you seriously.

it'll be an upheaval for all of you, but you'll all come out the other side if it ok. If the kids gave scans coming up, I'd wait until after that, but if not just rip the plaster off.

maybethisyear · 15/04/2026 12:29

could be the best bad decision you have ever made op. Doesn’t sound like you are older than 40’s max. Better this than being in an unhappy or unfulfilling relationship for potentially another 40 years
Good luck x

Original poster
laughingalltheay · 15/04/2026 12:29

Sorry I should have been more clear, I don’t want a break. I want a divorce

OP posts:
Original poster
laughingalltheay · 15/04/2026 12:29

maybethisyear · 15/04/2026 12:29

could be the best bad decision you have ever made op. Doesn’t sound like you are older than 40’s max. Better this than being in an unhappy or unfulfilling relationship for potentially another 40 years
Good luck x

thank you, I’m mid 40’s

OP posts:
dadtoateen · 15/04/2026 12:31

laughingalltheay · 15/04/2026 12:15

Fully ready to be flamed…so relationship with DH hasn’t been good for a year or so. He’s happy to plod along, sleep in separate rooms, don’t do anything together and dc are getting older now. Anyway was out with friends and met a male friend who was already out, we talk quite often but don’t really meet up. Ended up talking and went back to his and we had sex. The thing is I don’t regret it and really enjoyed it. This has made me realise there is more to life than being stuck in an unhappy relationship. I’ve told DH it’s not right at home and need a break but he doesn’t want to accept. He looks heartbroken. I need to be alone for a while but I can’t stop crying as I feel so guilty. I don’t think I can ever go back from this. I’ve never done anything like this before, never even had a thought of it.

Tell your hubby you had sex with another man and he will soon want rid of you...

Job done

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/04/2026 12:33

laughingalltheay · 15/04/2026 12:29

Sorry I should have been more clear, I don’t want a break. I want a divorce

Then tell him, rather than edging around saying you want a break and need some time alone for a while. Tell him that you slept with somebody else and that it highlighted to you that all the things you’ve been saying to him about the marriage not working haven’t been addressed and aren’t resolvable as far as you’re concerned. It gets it all out transparently and I imagine it’ll be a lot easier for him to accept the idea of divorce and also want to divorce himself knowing what’s happened.

Imaginary86 · 15/04/2026 12:34

maybethisyear · 15/04/2026 12:29

could be the best bad decision you have ever made op. Doesn’t sound like you are older than 40’s max. Better this than being in an unhappy or unfulfilling relationship for potentially another 40 years
Good luck x

Better this than being in an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship? Erm surely it would have been better to leave than to cheat. You don’t have to cheat to get out of a shitty marriage.

SwatTheTwit · 15/04/2026 12:52

Did you ask him for a break or a divorce?

Either way, just own up to it and leave. It’s an unhappy situation all around.

exhaustDAD · 15/04/2026 13:00

The least you can do is own up to it, @laughingalltheay . You are feeling guilty, because you are guilty, that is normal, it means you are not a sociopath. Do not tiptoe around the issue, telling your husband that you need some distance is borderline cruel, at the very least it is dishonest and it makes you sound like you are not brave enough to own up to what you've really done. He deserves your honesty. It will suck, he will not be happy of course, I imagine you will be crying as well, but that is the right thing to do. Rather than him even imagining that there is a chance to return from where the two of you are.

It is pretty bad that you didn't just end it to then do whatever you want with whoever you want, but as you said yourself, there is no changing that anymore. Just end it, so everyone can move on and start a new life.

moderate · 15/04/2026 15:19

laughingalltheay · 15/04/2026 12:29

Sorry I should have been more clear, I don’t want a break. I want a divorce

Yes, you should have been more clear… with your husband. Stop stringing him along.

CarolinaLiar · 15/04/2026 15:21

Just tell your husband it’s over and stop titting about.

Laiste · 15/04/2026 15:30

What did you say to him OP?

Did you speak to him straight away?

You don't feel bad but you do feel guilty. I get it.

If he knows the truth and wants to work through it will you try? Or will you say no, and ask for divorce?

Can i just say - if he asks to try - it might feel easier simpler to try to go back to the status quo, but beware of that. He'll be glad you're staying at first but then it's harder. He can't throw it in your face every argument and you can't live well feeling crushing guilt.

DeedlessIndeed · 15/04/2026 15:35

Poor husband, that is grim.

Grow a backbone, tell him the truth and end it. It is cruel to string someone along, in the dark.

Whatthefork1 · 15/04/2026 15:40

You cheated, you don't regret it and you want a divorce.

There is only one answer to this, you need to sit him down and tell him the whole truth, you married and had a family with the guy, he reserves to know the truth.

I mean it would have been a better decision to tell him you wanted a divorce before you went out and slept with someone else, but can't change what has already happened. You just need to be honest.

OriginalUsername2 · 15/04/2026 15:40

There’s no way out of this without hurting him. Tell him you slept with someone else and it’s made you realise you want a divorce. Don’t put him through months of mindfuck wondering where this came from and if he can salvage it. It’s not going to be pretty but the only way out is through.

HawkersWest · 15/04/2026 16:21

If you have the balls to cheat on your DH, at least have the balls to tell him/start the divorce.

paulhollywoodshairgel · 15/04/2026 16:33

Tell him you’ve cheated then he has grounds for a quick divorce and you can be free of each other.

Freddiesfortune · 15/04/2026 16:42

Ot is the best thing for you and your husband to tell him the truth OP. He’s probably already guessed. If the shoe was on the other foot you’d want the truth.
It won’t be easy. But doing the right thing rarely is. You can do it!

dollyblue01 · 15/04/2026 16:45

You owe it to him to be honest and at the end of the day if you’ve tried every way you can and he’s not participated into trying to fix it then it was over anyway, best to be honest and tell him you want a divorcé.

Mischance · 15/04/2026 16:47

If you want a divorce then say so. If you have cheated, then tell him.

Give him the opportunity to be free of you.

LittleJustice · 15/04/2026 16:51

paulhollywoodshairgel · 15/04/2026 16:33

Tell him you’ve cheated then he has grounds for a quick divorce and you can be free of each other.

I don't think that's the way it works anymore tbh. You can divorce quickly and easily nowadays without needing "grounds"

OP sad for your husband but it does seem like the marriage has run its course. Best for everyone that the next months are handled in the best way possible.